


Violent Desire

by Helenatrix



Series: Beautiful Mess [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ACWNR, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon, canonverse, post ACWNR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-05-13 11:00:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 61,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14747582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helenatrix/pseuds/Helenatrix
Summary: To hear those words, those very words he knew Erwin had so long yearned to hear, it struck Levi as truly significant."You’re the man this office deserves. The one it desperately needs. The Scout Regiment is yours, Smith."Commander Erwin Smith. It didn’t feel any different looking into those perfect blue eyes. But Levi knew everything was about to change.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hellllooooo friends! We're back with Round Two!
> 
> To those who don't already know, this is a continuation of Part One - Beautiful Mess. It will probably be best to read that part first if you haven't already. 
> 
> This part will take us from Pre-Canon to Canon territory. I'm not sure if I'll be updating as quickly as my first fic - this one is still a work in progress but I will try :)
> 
> I'm going to continue my Chapter Songs - hope you don't mind. This Chapter's Song is Disarm by Bry. I think it really fits Erwin and Levi's developing relationship at this point.

Violence. It made sense to Levi. Had always made sense to Levi. He had been born of its seed, raised under its harsh hand. It was a teacher and a lesson. It was the law. It was a way of life. Violence flowed through his veins, an instinct, a compulsion.

Kenny had instilled violence in him at a young age. When he wasn’t fast enough, when he hesitated, when he had talked back or disobeyed.  It was always something new, something different. Sometimes it was a slap upside the head that made him feel dizzy, made him see dancing lights inlaid over reality. Sometimes it was a push in the mud that stained his clothes, made him feel dirty and unclean. And sometimes it was a burn that would scab over and leave a disgusting, repulsive scar.

He was used to violence, used to the cruel words. Words that grounded him, taught him his place in the world. _Yer useless, pathetic, weak, hopeless. Yer nothing._

But fear…Levi was not used to feeling fear.  

As he watched Erwin’s immobile, unresponsive body crash to the ground, surrounded by an oncoming mass of titans, Levi had felt true fear. Irrational, involuntary, unreasonable fear. Desperation. He hadn’t had time to think, hadn’t had time to breathe. In that moment, there was only Erwin. And the titans. And fear.

He had used the violence that propelled him, the violence that flowed through his veins, to exterminate the titans surrounding Erwin and with them, that selfsame fear. Violence had served a greater purpose than he had ever thought possible. It had saved Erwin’s life.

Erwin was his priority, the only thing that concerned him. As the walls broke down around them, as innocent people were ripped apart, stamped into the earth, and devoured whole, Levi protected Erwin’s broken body with all his strength, with every breath he had at his disposal. Mike had landed at his side, worked to lash Erwin’s body under his larger frame and together, they had departed. What more could they do? It was over. Wall Maria had fallen. But Erwin Smith was alive.

Levi spent the next three days pacing the hospital, never leaving Erwin’s side. It had been three days of misery. Three days of fear. Fear that Erwin Smith might not wake up. The thought drove Levi mad.

Each time Shadis visited, each time Mike checked in, Levi was there.

“Still nothing?” they would ask, and he would grunt and shake his head, unable to take his eyes from Erwin’s sleeping form, for fear that if he were to look away, the steady rise and fall of his chest would cease.

And he alone had been in the darkened room when Erwin had awakened.

_I’ve spent the last few months in silence, wondering what it would be like to hold you, to feel you against me. But no longer. I want you, Levi. And I won’t waste another moment in this world without you knowing that._

He heard the words fall from his lips and was powerless to stop them. “So, don’t waste it…”

Levi’s desire was violent, passionate, desperate. He had never known anything else. But there was a quiet, gentle yearning in Erwin’s kiss, in his arms. It was almost too much for Levi to bear. His nails had torn into Erwin’s back, raked down his skin in desperation. The gasps that came from his mouth were almost feral in their intensity. Despite his best attempts to keep them at bay, Kenny’s words had resounded in his head while he was in Erwin’s arms.  _Yer useless, pathetic, weak, hopeless. Yer nothing._ He was almost thankful for Shadis’s knock, the simple interruption that brought Levi back to reality, reeled him back in, brought his heart to an even pace.

Shadis’s revelation that he was seceding from his position of leadership was no surprise to Levi. He knew it would not be to Erwin either. But to hear him say those words, those very words he knew Erwin had so long yearned to hear, it struck Levi as truly significant. _You’re the man this office deserves. The one it desperately needs. The Scout Regiment is yours, Smith._

Commander Erwin Smith. It didn’t feel any different looking into those perfect blue eyes. But Levi knew everything was about to change. That the Commander wanted him in his bed, to feel his body against his own as he slept…it was but a fleeting moment in time. Levi wondered for how long he would have the pleasure of Commander Erwin Smith’s company. How long he would have left before the duties of Erwin’s new position, the deaths, the responsibilities, the _noblewomen_ …would inevitably steal away what was left of the _man_ Erwin Smith, leaving only a Commander, only a figurehead for the government.

Levi arose early, as he always did, and pulled himself from Erwin’s clutches, allowing the newly appointed Commander to stretch and resume his slumber. He made two cups of tea in the modest mess hall of the hospital and brought them back to Erwin’s room. It felt wrong to leave his side for too long.

Erwin was awake when he re-entered. “Good morning,” he said a smile on his face. “Is one of those for me?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I was planning on two for myself actually.” He put one down on Erwin’s bedside table as he settled himself down into his chair. Erwin smirked at him as he brought the cup to his lips. “Thank you, Levi.”

Levi nodded, crossed one leg over the other, his mind swimming.

Erwin’s eyes were on him, watching him. “Should we talk about last night?”

Levi scoffed. “What is there to talk about?”

The corners of Erwin’s lips twitched. “A continuation, perhaps?”

Levi’s heart fluttered inside his chest though he attempted to keep his expression impassive. “Shouldn’t you be resting?”

Erwin laughed. “Don’t believe I’ve ever rested this much in my life. It doesn’t suit me.”

“Well, get used to it _Commander._ There’s going to be a lot more paper pushing and a whole lot less action in your future.”

Erwin shook his head. “Not if I can help it. Wouldn’t want you to have all the fun, would I?”

“You’re finally Commander and yet you still have a death wish?” Levi cocked an eyebrow, studied the handsome face of the man who had so ensnared him.

Erwin met Levi’s eyes, blue seas smelting the iron, breaking it down. “I’m the same person, Levi. So yes…the death wish is still intact.” The sarcasm in his voice brought the hint of a smile to Levi’s lips. He shook his head.

“You _will_ stay alive, Erwin Smith.”

A knock on the door startled both men back to reality. Levi met Erwin’s eyes and Erwin nodded.

“Come in,” Levi’s voice was cold, impassive, aloof. He was getting sick of all these unexpected visitors, all these changes turning his world upside down.

An MP, cloaked and bearded, entered the room, saluted. “Commander Erwin Smith, good to make your acquaintance. I’m Captain Bernard Green of the King’s Guard. I bring tidings from the King himself. King Fritz wishes to share his recognition of your appointment and to express his congratulations. You come highly recommended from Commander-in-Chief Darius Zakley himself.”

Levi watched as Erwin bowed his head, expressed his gratitude.

“In honor of your succession to leadership, the King wishes to hold a banquet in your honor, when you are feeling up to it, of course.” Captain Green’s eyes glittered excitedly as he passed an ornate golden envelope to Erwin. Levi grit his teeth. He could imagine nothing worse. “Your invitation, Commander. Please feel free to extend the welcome to all those under your station, Squad Leaders and guests you wish to accompany you.”

“I’m honored, Captain.” Erwin’s words were sincere. “Please express my gratitude to King Fritz and let him know that I will gladly attend. Nothing would bring me more pleasure.”

“I will, Sir!” Captain Green again saluted, and Erwin returned the salute. As the Captain turned to leave, Levi glared at his retreating back in annoyance. When door closed, Erwin glanced over at Levi, who prickled under his gaze.

“You’ll go with me?”

“What? Dammit Erwin…I’d really rather not.” Levi hoped the disgust he had plastered on his face would dissuade Erwin but the Commander held fast.

“I need you to be there, Levi. I won’t have the courage to get up in front of all of those nobles without you by my side.” He feigned dramatics, held a hand to his forehead in a mock swoon.

Levi rolled his eyes, a snarl slipping from his lips. Erwin reached out a hand, held it out to the smaller man, his eyes beseeching. Irritable, Levi took it, only to be pulled roughly forward into a deep, unexpected kiss. When Erwin pulled back, he whispered, “You’ll come with me, won’t you Levi?” Levi’s breath had caught in his throat, his head clouded. He nodded solemnly, breathless.

Erwin studied his face, the subtle flush that had rose to his cheeks. “I’ve been thinking…”

Levi pulled away, attempting to hide the subtle tremble in his hands. “Sounds dangerous…”

Erwin smiled. “I’ve been thinking about _you_ , Levi…your place in the Scout Regiment…and I feel you’ve overstayed your station. The Scouts look to you, they respect you. You’re of no use to us under the commands of lesser men.”

Levi watched Erwin’s face, an eyebrow raised. He felt a wave of anxiety crash over him, knowing at what Erwin was hinting. “Erwin…no…”

“It’s time, Levi. You’re not a mere soldier. You’re a leader. You’ve always been a leader.”

Levi crossed his arms, looked away, frustration brimming at his collar, strangling him. “I said no, Erwin.”

“I’m not asking you to become a Squad Leader, to toil under the same rules and regulations as your cohorts. I have something much different in mind for you…Levi…Levi, will you look at me?” Erwin thought he was so smart, so convincing, so charming. As Levi looked into those blue eyes, he felt himself pulled in. Forced himself to remain staunch in his obstinance.  

“Well, what is it then?”

“ _Captain Levi_ …How does that sound to you?” Erwin’s eyes were sparkling as if he had come up with an idea so splendid, so groundbreaking, it couldn’t be denied by even the most stubborn of men.

“Captain?” Levi scoffed. “The Survey Corps doesn’t have _Captains.”_

“Not yet. You would be the first. And _only_.”

“And what would that rank consist of?” Levi’s eyes were narrowed.

“Whatever I need…whatever suits you…you’ll be my man alone…my right hand. You’ll choose the members of your squad, train them up under you as an elite task force. It’s still in development of course…I’d value your input.”

Levi put his head in his hands, shook his head. “I am not a leader, Erwin…the last time I trusted myself with the lives of those I cared for…I became responsible for their deaths.”

An understanding fell over Erwin’s features. “Isabel and Furlan?”

Levi couldn’t meet those soft, persuasive eyes. “Please don’t ask it of me, Erwin.”

Erwin was silent for a moment, studying, contemplating. Then, “You’re wasted in your current position, Levi. As your Commander, I must ask but I’ll defer to whatever decision you choose…Give it some time. Think about it. Will you do that for me?”

“I’ll think about it, but my decision will remain the same.” Levi’s voice was cold, staunch, firm. He glanced up and saw the same smug smile on Erwin’s face. “Don’t get excited thinking I’ll change my mind. You’re not _that_ charming.”

Erwin laughed out loud. “I have been told otherwise.”

“Of course, you have. Doubtless by noblewomen who want to suck your dick – “

A dangerous glint flashed in Erwin’s eyes. “Noblewomen in whom I have no interest.”

Heat rose to the pallor of Levi’s skin. He stood. “I’ll go to the damn banquet, Erwin. I won’t like it, but I’ll go. And you best not ask anything else of me for at least a month.” He turned to leave, held the doorknob in his hand, heard an amused chuckle in Erwin’s voice. “Thank you, Levi.”

“Tsk…” he snarled and walked out the door.

 

* * *

 

The King himself sent a carriage for Erwin’s passage to the Capital for the banquet in his honor. It was an elegant and ornate coach, solid oak, white with gold trim. At Erwin’s request, Squad Leaders Hange and Nanaba as well as Mike would be attending the banquet as well so much to Levi’s dismay, the five of them had crammed into the carriage together for the 12-hour ride to the capital. Hange tittered excitedly in the seat next to Mike and Nanaba, blathering on about the secrets of capital, the architecture, her conspiracy theories of the aristocracy. Mike rolled his head, began snoring after a few hours. Nanaba rested her head on Mike’s shoulder and she too fell into a gentle slumber.

In the seat next to Levi, Erwin inconspicuously laid his hand next to Levi’s and trailed a finger over his. Levi shivered at his touch. His eyes glanced furtively at Hange, but she was looking out the window, her eyes wide in amazement, completely oblivious.

Erwin leaned in close to Levi, brushed the hair back from his ear, making Lev’s heart race. “I can’t wait to get you alone.”

Levi’s breath hitched. He turned his head to glare at Erwin and the Commander smiled innocently back at him.

“What are you two talking about?” Hange’s eyes were on them then, a mad glint shining from behind her glasses. Levi turned his scowl on her and she laughed. “Well whatever it was, it sure made Levi blush Don’t think I’ve ever seen your face go that color, Levi!”  She slapped him on the shoulder and he bristled.

“He was just telling me that I need to wait until we get to the Capital to kill you. A public execution.”

Hange cackled with laughter. Levi crossed his arms, pulled away from Erwin and sulked in the corner of the compartment, staring out the window. They spent the next few hours in silence until Hange too, laid her head back and began to snore. Levi shifted uncomfortably. This much sitting was making his legs stiff and his back ache. He heard Erwin’s voice in a near whisper and turned towards him.

“Are you angry with me, Levi?”

“Tsk…” Levi laid his head back on the seat’s head rest, gazed at the ceiling of the carriage lackadaisically. “I don’t give a fuck what you say…but what if shitty glasses had heard you?”

Erwin leaned in, ran his lips along Levi’s exposed neck, whispered in his ear. “I don’t care.”

Goosebumps rose on Levi’s skin. He forced himself to put a hand on Erwin’s chest, to push him away. “Well you should,” he snapped. “You’re the _Commander_ now.” The word tasted bitter in his mouth.

Erwin nodded, sighed. “That I am. Does my new station deny me the right to a small bit of pleasure? I’ll soon be responsible for leading the charge into death and despair…Being close to you helps me forget all the darkness in this world.”

“Well that’s ridiculous…it’s obviously not my sunny disposition that’s doing it for you.”

Erwin chuckled softly. “I want you just as you are, Levi.” He moved closer to Levi then, wound his fingers through Levi’s, rested his head on Levi’s shoulder, closed his blue eyes. As the soft yellow locks fell over his shoulder, Levi could feel the soft inhale and exhale of Erwin’s breaths, the gentle caress of Erwin’s thumb over the skin of his wrist. It was such a different world in which he now lived. _I want you just as you are, Levi._ The words almost didn’t make sense to him, almost didn’t register. Simple words that meant so much, that he never thought he would hear. He turned his head, gently laid a kiss in the blonde silk of Erwin’s hair before closing his own eyes and submitting to the comfort of the silence.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all seemed a bit self-indulgent to Levi…what was the King trying to prove? That he supported the efforts of the Corps? Or did he have a darker, more insincere purpose? Erwin was young, handsome, naïve. Did the King think it an easy task to wind the new Survey Corps Commander around his finger, win his loyalty with extravagances and luxuries? Levi hoped he knew Erwin well enough to know that he would not allow himself to be bought and sold. He had chosen the Corps over the Military Police, hadn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday!!
> 
> Chapter song is Tribulation by Matt Maeson. This is one of my favorites right now!

He heard her scream, fight, struggle. It had become a common occurrence. He had learned not to come to her defense after the first several times of being backhanded, flung into a corner, kicked. Besides, it always seemed to make it worse for her when he fought back. She had told him over and over again to hide, to cover his eyes.

She had been trying for what seemed like months to gain them passage above ground. Levi didn’t have any comprehension of what that meant but it was what she wanted. And he wanted her to be happy.

_To make a better life for you, little boy._

But Mr. Ambrose would not allow it. He hit her often. Levi hated Mr. Ambrose and his long curly mustache. Mr. Ambrose hated Levi in equal measure. He often glared at Levi as if he was weed among the roses he so diligently pruned.

_You’re lucky I allowed you to keep that little shit. And now you think you can deny my customers and seek passage to the surface! I ought to throw him out on the streets. You belong to me, Kuchel. And so does the brat– once he’s old enough, I’ll auction him off as well!_

She screamed, threw herself at Mr. Ambrose. Levi watched her claw at his face, her thin, frail body cat-like in its movements and ferocity. But she was no match for the larger man, at least twice her size. He threw her to the ground, slammed his fist into her beautiful face. Levi watched the blood flow, watched her head hit the stone floor. From the closet in which he hid, he watched Mr. Ambrose rip her dress, undo his pants, force himself on her as she sobbed.

_You’re a whore. You’re just a fucking whore. You’re less than human. And you’re my property. Don’t you forget it._

Levi hated Mr. Ambrose. He hated the bruises that colored his mother’s face. He hated her tears. After Mr. Ambrose left, she scooped him up un her arms, sobbed into his black hair. _I’m going to get you out of here, Levi._

She held him so tight, caressed his hair. _Levi…Levi…My Levi…_

_Levi…_

_LEVI!_ Kenny. Kenny’s quick hands, Kenny’s angry fist. _Ya payin’ attention, Levi?_

Levi’s eyes met Kenny’s, narrowed and angry. Stupid Kenny and his stupid hat. He hated Kenny almost as much as he hated Mr. Ambrose, but in a different way.  

_You don’t start payin’ attention and I’ll sell ya back to Mr. Ambrose like the useless little shit you are. Bet he’d have more use for ya than I do anyway. That what you want?_

Levi wouldn’t merit his words with a response. He continued to glare at the older man whose features so resembled his own. His little hands balled into fists at his side. He was not yet a man grown but he wasn’t a child anymore either. Two years under the rule of Kenny the Ripper had seen to that.

Kenny cuffed his ear with a quick swat. Levi yipped like a dog, pulled back, hand flying to the side of his face, to his sore ear. “I hate you!” he growled, the most fearsome expression of which he was capable plastered on his face.

_Hate me? You OWE me! Ya’d be dead or WORSE if it wasn’t for me! I’m yer god, yer sovereign. Ya best start saying your nightly prayers to Kenny the Ripper! Yer a pion, a tiny little welp…yer a monster. Anyone else’d deal you a mercy killing and put ya outta yer misery. It’s by the grace of Kenny that yer even alive._

Levi flung himself at Kenny, fists flying, little body thrashing wildly. He wanted to hurt him for his words, words that stung, words that hurt more than his beatings ever could. But he was no match for the brute of a man. Levi’s fists were but the batting of a fly’s wings against Kenny’s hard body. Kenny grabbed a fistful of Levi’s black hair, thrust his head back so he was forced to look into those piercing gray eyes, eyes that so matched his own.

_Yer useless, pathetic, weak, hopeless. Yer nothing. You’ll always be nothing, Levi._

He struggled under Kenny’s grasp, scalp on fire.

_Levi…_

So much hate. So much anger. His body was on fire, violent desire to kill the man before him coursing through his veins.

_LEVI!_

“Levi…”

He bolted awake to feel gentle yet firm hands on his shoulder.

“Wake up…we’re here.” Erwin. He had fallen asleep. As his eyes adjusted to the light shining in through the drawn curtains of the carriage, he noticed the faces of Mike, Nanaba and Hange all looking at him, quizzical expressions in their eyes. He sat up and glowered at them all. “What?” he snapped.

Nanaba giggled and Hange smirked. “Think you were having a nightmare? You were thrashing like you were fighting for your life.”

Levi crossed his arms over his chest defiantly and glared at Erwin. “Well are we getting out or were we planning on sitting in here all day?”

Erwin smiled. “Let’s go, then. Shall we?” He opened the door to the carriage and the light of the day shone in on them. Mitras awaited in all its glorious splendor. Levi’s stomach churned. As he stepped out of the carriage, onto the cobblestone streets, he couldn’t help but think of what lay below…the children starving in the underground, the whores sold into a lifetime of oppression and destitution. He shook himself, forcing the image from his mind. Now was not the time.

Erwin’s eyes were on him. “Levi, are you alright?”

Levi nodded. “I’m fine. Lead the way, _Commander_.”

The King had provided rooms for Erwin and his guests at his own home in the center of Mitras, a magnificent palace-like structure. It was made with fine white marble and stone, turrets and pillars overlooking impressive gardens that wove behind the building itself in complex patterns and designs. It all seemed a bit self-indulgent to Levi. The gesture of hospitality, the banquet…what was the King trying to prove? That he supported the efforts of the Corps? Or did he have a darker, morae insincere purpose? Erwin was young, handsome, naïve. Did the King think it an easy task to wind the new Survey Corps Commander around his finger, win his loyalty with extravagances and luxuries? Levi hoped he knew Erwin well enough to know that he would not allow himself to be bought and sold. He had chosen the Corps over the Military Police, hadn’t he?

As Erwin led the group up the marble steps of the palace, Levi saw Hange catch her breath. Her childlike wonder was almost endearing, though he would never admit it. She moved closer to Levi, her eyes wide behind the brims of her glasses. “I’ve never seen the palace up close like this before,” she breathed. “Look at the craftsmanship…”

“It’s all a bit decadent, isn’t it?” He scoffed in response. She laughed.

“Of course. But that’s the _appeal_ , isn’t it?”

Mike put an arm around both Hange and Nanaba, leaned back and took in the sight of the luxury and majesty around him.  “Ahh ladies. Isn’t this the good life? I could get used to this.” Nanaba laughed and then leaned in to hit him playfully in the stomach. He overreacted, let out a loud “Oof” before bellowing, “You filthy commoner! How dare you lay a hand to your King!”

Levi’s attention was drawn to the approach of a tall, bearded MP. He immediately recognized Captain Green as the MP smiled, saluted. “Commander Smith! Welcome to Mitras! The King himself stationed me to keep a look out for you. How was the ride? Smooth and easy, I hope?”

Erwin nodded obligingly, saluted in return. “Incredibly smooth. It was quite generous of the King to provide us with such a luxury.”

Green’s smile was wide, his warm welcome off-putting to Levi. “Come, let me show you to your rooms! I’ll have the servants grab your bags and bring them up. I’m sure you’re all very tired from your journey.”

As they ascended the ornate, gold trimmed steps, Levi was overwhelmed by the sea of pretentiousness threatening to rise up and drown him. How many people did it take to clean all this extravagance?  Their bootsteps echoed down the winding hallway as Captain Green rattled on about the history of the palace, the King’s humility and hospitality.

“And of course, you know the banquet will start in about three hours. You’ll have time at your disposal until that time. The King is truly very glad to be able to have the pleasure of your company, Commander.”

“The pleasure is mine.” Erwin, always the charming and perfectly agreeable diplomat.

As they reached their quarters, Captain Green excused himself, told them he would come to collect them approximately 20 minutes to the hour to escort them to the banquet hall. Mike, Hange and Nanaba resigned to their respective rooms, though Levi knew it wouldn’t be long until Nanaba forsook the solitude of her separate room to join Mike in his. Levi didn’t feel tired but welcomed the silence of seclusion, some time to decompress. As the others slipped behind closed doors, Erwin sidled closer to Levi, a strange expression on his face.

“Tell me about your dream, Levi.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he looked at the man before him. “My dream?”

“The one you were having in the carriage. You seemed distressed…you were trembling…thrashing…”

Levi pulled away, but Erwin held fast, grasped his wrist as he attempted to wriggle free. “Dammit Erwin. Were you watching me sleep?”

“You’re fascinating to me, Levi,” Erwin breathed. “I want to know your dreams. I want to know everything about you…I feel I truly know so little.”

Levi scoffed. “You know more than most.”

“And less than I would like. Tell me about your dream.” His eyes were imploring, kind, sincere. But Levi turned away.

“Some other time, Erwin.” He made to pull the door open, but Erwin laid his hand on the frame, pressing Levi’s body up against it. His voice was firm. “Now.”

Irritation surged through Levi as his eyes darted from Erwin’s outstretched arm to his smarmy, handsome face. He was stronger than Erwin and could easily overpower him, he knew. Did Erwin doubt his ability to do so? Now that he was Commander, did he think himself invincible, irrepressible? How easy it would be, Levi thought, to knock him on his ass, bring him back to reality.

“Don’t push me, Commander.” Danger flitted behind his dark lashes. “You’ll regret it.”

Erwin’s smile was white, perfect. “I doubt that very much.” But he let up on his grip, released Levi’s wrist and the door frame. He laughed sardonically. “Can you blame me for wanting more of you, Levi? You’re a mystery to me. I’m so captivated by you.”

Levi caught his breath. As he opened the door, he met Erwin’s eyes. He hated himself for his stubbornness. For the obstinance that seemed to keep them divided.  He sighed, resignation settling in. He _did_ want Erwin’s company. To be alone with him. “Would you like to come in?” He held the door open.

Erwin raised an eyebrow, a look of surprise coloring his face. He nodded. “Yes, I would. Thank you.” Levi was chilled by the breeze as Erwin passed and stepped into the room. Shutting the door behind them, Levi assessed the accommodations. It was the most lavish and ridiculously extravagant room in which he had ever stepped foot. The bed was big enough for five people with four huge posters carved of hard wood. “Who the hell needs a bed this big?” he disparaged.

Erwin ran a hand down the post nearest him, caressed the intricate carvings. “Someone with a healthy imagination, perhaps?” Levi flushed, crossed his arms. “Tsk...” he growled.

Erwin settled down on the corner of the bed, leaned against a post as he studied Levi. “You don’t like it here, do you?” he asked.

“It’s not my particular taste.” Levi’s eyes scanned the room. It was clean at least. Immaculate, even. “It never did sit well with me knowing the richest of the rich live just above the poorest of the poor, growing fat and lazy while those below starve to death…”

An understanding crept over Erwin’s face then. “The underground…”

Levi shifted his weight, nodded, looked away. “It’s so contradictory. These pigs want to pretend we don’t exist…”

“We?” Erwin sat up, his eyes boring deep into Levi, studying him inquisitively.

Levi refused to meet his eyes. “I’ll always be one of them, Erwin. You can bring me up to the sunlight…but it will always be just a little too bright on the surface…”

 He could see the want in Erwin’s eyes, the desire to reach out and touch. But there was something else there too. Was it fear? Respect? Levi couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Erwin’s voice was almost carnal when next he spoke.  “I’ll get to the bottom of you yet, Levi.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “And what if you don’t like what you find? What if, at my core, I’m exactly the monster everyone thinks me to be?”

“I don’t imagine that will be the case.”

“You have so much faith in me. Why?”

Erwin paused, the look on his face wistful with longing. “You give me hope, Levi. No monster could do such a thing. Give hope to men who otherwise have none.”

Levi heard Kenny’s words in his head. _Yer useless, pathetic, weak, hopeless. Yer nothing._ He closed his eyes, remembering. Kenny. Erwin. Two men who thought they knew what Levi was, who he was. And yet neither of them knew really.

“Erwin...”

“Have you given any more thought to my proposition?” Erwin had relaxed back on the bed. His lounged position made him look right at home among the splendor and riches, a golden prince who only lacked a crown.

Levi shrugged. “I haven’t thought much more about it…but the answer is still no.”

Erwin smirked, the corners of his lips pulling up. His eyes glittered in the dim light as he gazed at Levi. “Then you should think a little more, I’d wager.”

“More time is not going to change my mind, Erwin.” Levi moved towards the window that overlooked the city, peered out into the harsh afternoon sun. Erwin’s eyes followed his movements. “Why don’t you just command me to do it…you know I’ll have no choice.”

“Because I always want you to have a choice, Levi.”

Levi turned to face him. Erwin laughed then, looked down at the bed on which he was laying as if the contact was too much for him. “Levi, forgive me…I…I’m so baffled by you…I’m not used to feeling this way…you make me second guess myself.”

“What are you second guessing?” Levi snapped and Erwin’s eyes again found his face, though this time his cheeks were flushed.

“I…I want to…touch you…I’m afraid it’s not what you want.”

Levi’s eyelids fluttered along with his stomach. He stood completely still, hoping to blend in with the curtains, to be absorbed into the fabric of the walls behind him. “It is what I want.” He felt so clumsy, so ridiculous. Like a child and it irritated him. He wanted to walk over to Erwin, grab a fistful of that golden hair and force him into submission, to consume his lips, run nails down his back, violently ravage him. But for some reason, he was dumbfounded, still, immobile.

Erwin stood, moved towards him. Cautiously, hesitantly. As though he was approaching a rabid dog, a feral animal. “Fuck Erwin, I’m not going to attack you,” he snarled.

Erwin laughed, ran a hand along Levi’s neck and into his hair. “Perhaps I want you to.” He bent slowly and placed a gentle kiss on Levi’s lips. The softness sent chills down Levi’s spine and he fiercely pulled Erwin into a more forceful embrace. Erwin’s arm wove around Levi’s waist, pulling their bodies so close, Levi could feel the heat radiating from Erwin’s form. He gasped as Erwin forced him up against the wall, trailed his lips down the skin of his neck.

Erwin’s hand traced the line of his neck, began pulling at his cravat, unbuttoning the front of his shirt. Levi’s breath quickened. His hands twisted in Erwin’s hair.

_Ya skinny son of a bitch. Yer nothing._

Erwin began running his hands down Levi’s chest, his kisses more passionate, more fervent.

_Yer a useless piece of shit. You’ll never be anything to anyone. Ya hear?_

Erwin’s hands began pulling at Levi’s waist, unbuttoning his trousers. Levi could feel the desperate fumbling of his fingers, hear the hitch of his breath.

_Yer nothing!_

Levi gasped, broke away. “I…need a moment.”

Erwin dropped his head, allowed his forehead to rest on the wall wherefrom Levi had escaped. “I…I’m sorry…I got carried away. I’m moving too fast…I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Levi sighed. “You didn’t.” He put his head in his hands. “Fucking bastard…get out of my head,” he growled under his breath.

Erwin looked up, his eyes wide. “What?”

“It’s nothing,” Levi snapped.

Erwin was calm but strong in his resolve. “Levi, tell me what you want.  Every time I get close, you pull away. Do you want me to stop?”

“Of course, I don’t!” Levi’s voice was sharper than he intended.

Erwin walked over, grabbed hold of Levi’s hands, one on either side of his head. He peered down into Levi’s eyes, his voice gentle, patient. “Then talk to me.”

Levi struggled under his gaze. He wanted so badly to be open with Erwin, to share his past, but doing so felt so vulnerable, so exposed. Like he was cutting open his chest, letting Erwin lay waste to his heart, his lungs, all the parts of him that made him who he was. He felt he would implode, the turmoil was too much. And what if he refused that side to Erwin? Would he lose him? The thought broke Levi.

“I don’t know how to…do any of this, Erwin.” He struggled to get the words out.

Erwin smiled. “Any of what?”

“All of it…being open…being vulnerable…being close to another person like this...  It’s not something I ever thought I would have to deal with…” He shifted uncomfortably.

“Not ever? Surely you’ve been intimate before…”

Levi flushed. He shook his head, wouldn’t meet Erwin’s eyes. This was so humiliating.  

“Levi?” Erwin’s eyes searching, penetrating.

“My mother was a whore, Erwin.” He allowed the words to sink in, to resonate but Erwin’s face remained impassive. “I was born a fatherless, nameless child in a whorehouse in the underground.  My mother was…beautiful, kind…trusting, hopeful. And she died from a disease contracted from one of her clients….one of the many men forced on her by a whoremaster who would beat her daily. I was almost too young then to have a true memory of her…but the only memories I have of tenderness, of affection, died with her.”  

“How…how did you survive? A young child in the underground…they didn’t…sell you?” Horror bled into Erwin’s features and Levi scoffed.

“I survived because of Kenny the Ripper.”

Erwin’s eyes widened, recognition of the name spreading over his face. “Kenny the Ripper? Surely you can’t mean…”

“The famous serial killer responsible for the deaths of hundreds of MP’s in the underground city?” He laughed sardonically. “I lived with the fucker for close to seven years. He abandoned by right after my twelfth birthday.”

As Erwin’s face registered Levi’s words, Levi puzzled over what he could possibly be thinking, what that quick, complicated mind was making of all of this. “There was no compassion with Kenny, no kindness. No gentleness. There was only violence. And cruelty. He made me who I am, Erwin. I don’t know any other way. And every time we’re close, every time you touch me, I hear the fucker’s voice in my head…telling me what a piece of shit I am…reminding me of all the things I don’t deserve…And I could never deserve you…”

Erwin’s eyes were watching him, absorbing him. “Levi…you couldn’t be more wrong. You may hear his voice. But he’s lying to you. Even after all these years. He’s lying to you.”

Levi raised an eyebrow, studying the man before him. “Lying?”

“Whatever you think you are…however undeserving…you’re wrong. Levi, you’re everything…You’re everything to me….”

Levi didn’t believe him. Couldn’t believe him. His heart pounded in his chest as Erwin held out a hand to him, led him to the bed where they fell into each other.

Erwin’s touch was so gentle as he stroked the side of Levi’s face, kissed his forehead, his nose, his lips.

Levi, hands trembling, heart racing, succumbed to his fire in his touch, to the passion of his lips. He allowed Erwin to strip away his uniform and the feel of Erwin’s skin against his own shot waves of desire up and down his spine. He cried out when Erwin took him in his mouth, the sensations shooting bolts of electricity through his entire body. He writhed and contorted under his Commander, his fingers twining themselves into Erwin’s hair, mussing the perfectly coiffed locks. When release came, he gasped out Erwin’s name. His entire body trembled, goosebumps shooting up on his skin. His breathing was heavy as Erwin flopped down beside him, kissed the top of his head, raked his hands down Levi’s back while pulling him close. For once, Kenny’s voice was silenced, as Erwin’s words replayed in his head.

_Levi, you’re everything…You’re everything to me…._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're moving a little slowly but we will pick up the pace in Chapter 3!
> 
> Hope you liked! Please let me know :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The banquet was just as miserably pretentious as Levi knew it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! Thanks for reading! Hope you're enjoying! This chapter will hopefully pick up the pace :)
> 
> Chapter Song is How Long by Oh Steady. One of the lines in this song really reminds me of Erwin and Levi. "You are so much more than I bargained for."

The banquet was just as miserably pretentious as Levi knew it would be. As Captain Green escorted the honorary members of the Scout Regiment to the banquet hall, he prattled in Erwin’s ear about what to expect, who would be in attendance, what the evening’s festivities would entail, including an entire synopsis of the menu from appetizers to desserts. Levi tuned out, replaying instead the conversation with Erwin in his mind…Erwin’s mouth around him, the brief yet perfectly still moment of lying naked in his arms.

“You seem almost cheery…What’s wrong with you?” Mike leaned into him, assessing him, sniffing him. His eyes widened. Quietly so only Levi could hear, he whispered. “You smell like Erwin.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he rounded on Mike. “Fuck you, Zacharias!”

The smarmy smile that spread on Mike’s face lit his entire expression. He almost laughed. “Fuck, Levi. About goddamn time.”

“You shut your mouth before I smack that smile off your face,” Levi threatened, though half-heartedly.

Mike put his hands up in mock surrender. “It’s none of my business. But about goddamn time.”

Levi rolled his eyes as Mike slunk back to Nanaba’s side, putting an arm around her waist. Truth be told, Levi didn’t mind Mike’s teasing. Since their friendship had started, since Mike had abandoned his hatred towards Levi, Mike had become the closest thing to Furlan Church that Levi had left. So, he would continue to endure the teasing, and would do so without substantial complaint.

As they neared the hall, Levi could hear the gentle hum of banter, dull conversations amid a sea of bodies crammed together. The masses of nobles had clearly already arrived and were awaiting the entrance of the new Survey Corps Commander. To celebrate his appointment while talking behind his back. Levi’s eyes flickered to Erwin’s face. There was not a trace of hesitation or anxiety there.

“Shall we go in, then Commander?” Captain Green’s voice inquired. His hand firmly rested upon the ornately carved door that separated them from the nobles on the other side.

Erwin’s eyes trailed over the Scouts in his party and smiled at them all. “Thank you all for coming with me. I appreciate your support and the faith you have placed in me. I couldn’t imagine being here without a single one of you.” His eyes found Levi’s then and there they remained for a brief moment longer. “Are you ready to face hell with me?”

They all laughed and nodded.

“Fuck, Erwin. There’s no one else we’d face it for,” Mike goaded. “Thank the walls you have such a pretty face.”

Erwin laughed. “Let’s go then.” He nodded at Captain Green. The Captain smiled widely, and opened the door, escorting them all into the ballroom.  It was a room both spacious and decadent, decorated with gold leaf and shining crystals that hung from the ceiling and the walls alike. A buffet table of food ranging from various meats and cheeses to fruits and side dishes was situated in the middle of the room, pulling in foot traffic from all directions. Wine and champagne were served on dining trays that were passed around by wait staff, whose movements were a dazzling and intricate dance of weaving motions as they bustled through the crowd.

At the front of the room, Levi recognized King Fritz though he had never seen him before. He was seated in a huge gold throne, draped in red and ivory linens. On his head, a delicate gold crown was situated, rubies and other jewels interlaced with the metal material and shining in the dim light of the room. But on his face was a bored, tired expression. The King’s own head rested on top of his fist as he languidly observed the commotion around him, seemingly unimpressed, aloof, uninvolved. There was something about his impassive features that set Levi on edge. He barely looked up as Erwin and the Scouts approached.

By his side sat Darius Zakley. He jumped to his feet upon seeing Erwin, clapped him on the back. “Well if it isn’t Commander Erwin Smith! Congratulations on your appointment, Commander! Couldn’t have planned this all better myself.”

Levi continued to watch the King’s response. Nothing. His eyes barely moved.

“My King, may I present to you, Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps?” Zakley gestured to the King, to Erwin, smiling widely. The King did glance up at Zakley’s words. He nodded at Erwin in acknowledgement then resumed his bored trance.

“He’s a bit tired today,” Zakley excused the King’s behavior, pulling Erwin and the others into the crowd. “Perhaps you’d allow me to spirit your fearless leader away for a bit, hmm?” Zakley addressed the Scouts but before allowing them time for a response, he put an arm on Erwin’s shoulder and led him away from the group.

Mike smirked. “That’s the Commander-in-Chief for you. If you don’t have a title, you don’t have a purpose.” He shrugged. “Oh well. We’re here. Might as well get ourselves some food.”

Hange grinned widely. “I saw champagne!”

As his three cohorts flitted towards the table of food in the middle of the room, Levi’s eyes followed Erwin, watched him greet nobles and government officials alike, the smile never faltering on his handsome face. He was well-suited for this environment, Levi knew. He was probably enjoying himself, shaking hands, receiving compliments and well-wishes, feeling the adoring eyes of both women and men falling on him.

“Levi, are you hungry?” Hange called out to him. Her plate was already brimming. He shook his head. He didn’t see tea anywhere. But he moved to join them anyway, to keep himself busy with their company rather than suffering alone, miserable and uncomfortable.

After what seemed like hours, Erwin was finally back at his side. He moved close, gently squeezed Levi’s shoulder. Levi smirked. “Having a good time, Commander?”

Erwin laughed lightly. “Not quite as good of a time as earlier.” He placed a hand on the small of Levi’s back and the touch sent shivers up Levi’s spine. “Not quite as good of a time as I imagine I will be having later.”

“Commander Erwin Smith." Erwin’s hand fell from Levi’s back as he whirled around. Levi’s eyes followed to land on an elegant, beautiful woman, her hair cascading in brown locks down her back. Her eyes were large and green as they settled on the Commander. Her thin frame swayed coyly in his presence.

“Marie,” he breathed. Levi’s eyes narrowed watching Erwin’s face, the subtle rose tone that colored his cheeks. Who was this woman who seemed to render the impervious Erwin Smith uneasy where he stood? Erwin gestured to Levi then, pulled him into the conversation. “Mrs. Marie Dok, may I present Levi?”

“My pleasure.” Marie extended a hand to Levi. He took it, brought it to his lips, studying her. Dok – She was Nile’s wife then? Marie continued. “It’s good to see you, Erwin. This promotion was a long time coming, I’m told. I was in the courtroom when Lobov was sentenced. Very impressive.” Her voice was delicate, soft, so feminine. It didn’t surprise Levi that Erwin seemed enchanted by her.

“Kind of you to say, Marie. The Survey Corps is glad to be rid of Lobov’s underhanded betrayals. He’s finally where he belongs.”

“That he is indeed. Nile’s told me he’s been languishing behind bars. Serves him right.” She turned her eyes on Levi then. “I’ve heard stories of your skills, Levi. I’m thankful Erwin has ‘humanity’s strongest solider’ watching his back.”

Levi wanted to recoil at the title but there was something about this woman that made him refrain. Her smile was warm, inviting, kind. He nodded in response.

“I won’t keep you,” she said coolly. “I’m sure you have many nobles to greet, many hands to shake.” Before she turned away, her eyes met Erwin’s and Levi watched the glitter of green cascade into the sea of blue. “You look well, Erwin. I’m glad.”

“And you, Marie. My love to Nile.”

She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek before turning away, slipping into the crowd.

Levi was silent, watching her go. He felt Erwin’s eyes on him, watching his expression. He fought to remain impassive. “Nile’s wife.” Erwin said quietly.

“You loved her,” Levi stated as if there was no denying it, as if it was a fact.

“A long time ago,” Erwin’s voice was solemn. “A different time. I was a different man. But I chose the Corps and I broke her heart. She’s a good woman. A kind woman. But I could never have been the man she needed me to be.” Levi’s eyes flickered to Erwin’s face, met his eyes. The smirk that Erwin wore made him almost irresistible to Levi in that moment. He returned the subtle grin.

“Thank you for being here with me, Levi.”

Levi nodded, thought his gaze again fell on the King. He hadn’t moved. His eyes were dead inside his skull. “What the hell is wrong with him?” He directed Erwin’s attention to the immobile semblance of a man decorating the throne.

Erwin shook his head. “The King is…ill, it seems. Luckily, he has a plethora of well-informed nobles to do his thinking and talking for him.”

Levi shuddered. “He gives me the fucking creeps.”

Erwin laughed. “How I enjoy that mouth! Imagine how much more enjoyable my time in Mitras would be if you were to come with me to every banquet…as my Captain.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t press your luck, Erwin.”

The next few hours passed slowly. They were joined throughout the night by Hange, Nanaba and Mike as nobles filtered in and out of conversation with them. Erwin did his best to stay by Levi’s side, which Levi felt was both comforting and patronizing. Most faces passed by in a blur of handshakes, greetings, compliments, and congratulations. All faces but one.

“Commander Smith. So good to meet you.” Levi would have recognized that face anywhere. The dark, beady eyes, the long, curled mustache, the thick, hard body. “Charles Ambrose, proprietor and entrepreneur. I’ve heard truly spectacular things about you. And the take-down of Nicholas Lobov – the world is a better place without him, indeed.”

As Erwin took his hand and shook it firmly, Levi’s heart burst into flames of rage. His cravat threatened to choke him as he peered at Ambrose with hate in his eyes. He wondered if Ambrose recognized him, wondered what he would do if he did. “Very good to meet you, Charles,” Erwin’s tone, as always, was pleasant and genuine. He pulled Levi close, providing him an entrance into the conversation. “Charles, have you met Levi?”

“I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure?” Ambrose extended a hand to Levi but Levi refused to take it.

“We’ve met,” Levi’s voice was cold, hard. Ambrose’s eyes widened as he studied the small man before him.

“Have we?” His voice was terse. “You do look familiar to me…Though I see so many faces on a daily basis, I can’t possibly keep them all straight.”

“What’s your business, Ambrose?” Levi snapped and Ambrose raised a thick brown eyebrow.

“Excuse me?”

“Your business…you said you were an entrepreneur. What do you sell?”

“Levi…” Erwin’s voice was warning but Levi persisted.

“You here to sell whores to the nobles, Ambrose? Thought prostitution was illegal in the capital?”

“Levi!” Erwin’s tone was sharp now, his eyes dark.

But Ambrose’s eyes now flickered with recognition. “Levi, you said? Is that correct? Forgive me, _Levi_ , that I didn’t recognize you at first... You look so much like your mother…a shame really, what happened to her. She was one of my most desirable prospects…”

“You fucker – “ Levi lashed out but Erwin’s hands steadied him. Those blue eyes bored into him, showing confusion, concern, caution. “Control yourself,” he said quietly.

“Not a worry at all, Commander,” Ambrose’s smile was wide as he addressed Erwin. “I’m well-respected in the capital. My business is known and open to all. Perhaps even someone of your unquestionable caliber would consider patronage, I’m sure I have something that would suit your particular tastes.”

Erwin’s face remained impassive. “Thank you but I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline.”

“Mmm…perhaps your tastes are more singular, hmm?” Ambrose raised an eyebrow at Erwin, his eyes flickering to Levi. “My door is always open, should you want to come home, Levi. No doubt you’d make me a small fortune. I’d wager some of these nobles would pay out the ass to fuck _humanity’s strongest soldier.”_

 _I’m going to kill this man,_ Levi had the thought before he could control himself. In his anger, he raised a fist but Erwin beat him to it. “Watch yourself, Ambrose.” The Commander’s voice was harsh now, the danger in his eyes turned to the large mustachioed man in front of him. “You’ve had the benefit of my patience but I’m afraid you’ve overstayed your welcome. If you’d excuse us.” He turned to go, swept Levi up alongside him.

“The pleasure was mine, Commander. Levi.” Ambrose nodded, watched them go, lips rimming the edge of the sparkling crystal flute of champagne in his hand.

Levi’s heart was racing. His hands were shaking at his sides. Rage was flooding through his entire body, setting him on edge, making him dangerous. He felt Erwin’s hand settle on his shoulder. From the look on Erwin’s face, Levi could tell the Commander was angry, irate in a way Levi had never before seen him. His jaw was set and his eyes burned violently. Seeing the anger in Erwin’s eyes calmed Levi in an odd way, as though the hate that burned through Erwin had stolen some of Levi’s flame for its kindling.

“I won’t allow him to speak that way to you again.” Levi watched Erwin’s face with an eyebrow raised. He didn’t say anything, allowed Erwin to continue. “I’ll cut his tongue out myself.”

Levi actually laughed then. “I don’t need you to defend my honor, Commander.” But Erwin did not return his amusement. “Erwin, wipe that look off your face. The nobles will think you’re constipated.”

Finally, Erwin smirked down at him. “Always the wordsmith, aren’t you?”

“Learned from the best.”

“Ahem…Ahem…May I have your attention, all?” A gentle tinkling of a spoon against a glass accompanied Zakley’s voice as it boomed through the crowd, cutting off the distant chatter. The large man was standing at the King’s side, beckoning while holding a champagne flute in his hand. When the room came to a silent hum, Zakley smiled widely under his gray beard. “On behalf of his royal highness, King Fritz, I wanted to thank you all for coming to celebrate our newly appointed Scout Regiment Commander, Erwin Smith! Smith, would you join me up front?”

Levi cringed, imagining all those eyes on himself but Erwin beamed, nodded humbly and moved to the front. As he came to stand by Zakley, Levi couldn’t help but notice the radiance that illuminated Erwin’s handsome features as he looked out adoringly at the crowd. He really was meant for this life, wasn’t he?

“Look at this handsome bastard,” Zakley cackled and the room burst into laughter. King Fritz nodded, yawned. “We are honored and thrilled to have you among our ranks, Smith.” Zakley clapped Erwin on the back and the room seemed to buzz with agreement. “We look forward to seeing how you’ll bring the Corps back to prosperity, how you’ll make this world a better place than when you found it.” He raised his champagne flute in a toast. “To making this world better. To humanity!”

“To humanity!” the crowd echoed. Levi did not toast, did not drink. His eyes scanned the crowd dangerously for Ambrose. The bulky, bearded man stood off to the fringes of the group, near the door, most likely hoping to be able to steal into the night unnoticed. The hair on the back of Levi’s neck rose like the fur on the haunches of a feral animal. _Not tonight, Ambrose,_ he thought. _You won’t be skulking back to your hole underground tonight._

“I hate to break up this party early,” Zakely continued. “But the King would like to head a meeting around our recent tragedy and to address many of the concerns we’ve been presented with tonight such as food shortages, population control and the like. Rest assured your government is doing its best to fight for your rights as its citizens…Commanders Dok, Pixis and Smith, would you please join me in the drawing room in approximately 15 minutes? The rest of you, please feel free to continue to stay awhile, socialize, eat. We’ve been so honored by your company.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed…population control? He knew that the nobles had been loudly complaining that the refugees from Wall Maria were getting too close to Wall Shina, that they were absorbing many of the food and supply resources within Wall Rose and that there was not enough to go around. But these were human lives of which they were speaking. Levi had a dark suspicion of intent and it shook him to the core. His eyes roamed Erwin’s face through the crowd but he could find nothing decipherable there.

Erwin moved through the crowd to where Levi stood, bent to his ear, whispered, “Meet me in my room tonight? After all this?”

Levi nodded, grabbed Erwin’s wrist before he could pull away. His eyes searched the man before him, desperate for answers. “Erwin, what’s this all about?”

Erwin shrugged. “I’m not sure. This is the first I’ve heard of it. Don’t worry…I’m sure it’s precautionary.”

“I’m not – Erwin…I don’t trust it… You don’t throw words around like _population control_ and _food shortages_ unless you want to start a riot.”

Erwin smiled at him. “Perhaps in the underground. Not in Mitras. Trust me.”

Levi bristled at his condescending tone, his eyes widening in shock. “What did you say?”

Erwin hesitated as if choking on his own words, attempting to reel them back into his mouth. “Levi…I only meant…”

“Because people in Mitras are so much more civilized? So much less selfish?” The more Erwin attempted to retract his words, the angrier Levi became. _Not here,_ he chided himself. _Not now. Not in front of all these people._ His eyes steeled as he looked at Erwin. “You’re a fool, Erwin Smith, if you don’t realize that these people around you are the least civilized of all…”

He turned on his heel, moved towards the door but Erwin reached out gently, imploringly, a hand around the small of his back. “Levi…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken so hastily. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”

“Don’t let this illusion of grandeur get to your head, Smith. When the time comes, they’re going to try to change you. Don’t let them.” He pulled himself from Erwin’s grasp, stalked away until the blonde hair, the sea-blue eyes, were out of his sight. Instead, he focused on finding Ambrose’s thick frame. He needed to kill something.

He drew as close to the whoremaster as the layout of the room would allow him without being detected. From his vantage, he could almost smell the thick musk of cologne that drowned Ambrose’s collar, the disgusting sound of him swallowing his champagne, slurping down the dregs.

As a pretty young servant walked by him, Ambrose placed his emptied flute on the tray she was carrying, slapped her sharply on the ass and she yipped quietly. Levi cringed, noting the pained, humiliated expression on her face. With narrowed eyes, he watched Ambrose slip out the back door of the ballroom, to escape into the solace of the terrace that overlooked the gardens. Unsure of the motivations beyond his own movements, Levi stealthily followed after him, beginning the hunt.

Ambrose was obviously on edge. Perhaps from the conversation with Erwin and Levi, perhaps from something else entirely. He continued to glance behind him, as though he expected someone was following him. Well then, he wasn’t a complete idiot. Ambrose traced through the gardens, winding along the maze-like path until he came to the end, entirely alone and entrenched in a near complete darkness.

“Show yourself!” he bellowed, retrieving a revolver from holster on his belt and brandishing it into the air. From the darkness, Levi’s voice emanated out, like a demon’s voice echoing from a cloud of sulfur.

“You think that pathetic gun is going to save you?”

“I’ll shoot you through the chest before you have time to move, try it!”

As Ambrose fumbled, his eyes attempting to adjust to the darkness, Levi sprang on him. He was too agile, too spry, and though the gun went off, it blasted a chasm through a shrub rather than Levi’s lithe form. The gun flew from Ambrose’s hand in the commotion and Levi kicked it out of reach to disappear among the flowers. The knife from Levi’s boot was drawn against Ambrose’s neck before he could react. Levi could smell the alcohol on the larger man’s breath, hear the ragged clutch of his breath and he heaved under Levi’s grasp.

“I promised myself a long time ago that I would kill you. Tonight, I keep my promise.” His words dripped with acid, a venom so thick, so virile in its potency, it threatened to burn a hole through the back of Ambrose’s head.

“You wouldn’t!” Ambrose struggled. He was bigger, so much bigger, than Levi. But nowhere near as strong. Levi remembered all the times he had used that mass, that force of size, to force himself on Kuchel, to beat his fists onto her body, to rape her, humiliate her, bruise her, batter her.

“And what reason do I have not to?” Levi breathed in the smell of his fear, imagining his blood staining the ground, his dead eyes staring up into the darkness of the night.

“You’re not in the underground anymore, little boy!” Ambrose choked out and Levi stilled. “You kill me and they’ll hunt you down, they’ll punish you, steal you away from the Commander you love so much.”

“You think I care about that?”

“Perhaps not. But you care about _him_.” Ambrose’s voice was desperate but firm. “This is his first night celebrating his appointment in the Capital. You really want him to have blood on his hands? A tarnish on his name? For the rest of his career? You kill me and it will follow Erwin Smith…because you’re his responsibility…his right hand.”

Levi stiffened. The fucker was right. He couldn’t reasonably kill this man in the gardens of the King’s palace. Though he wanted to more than anything in the world, he couldn’t do it. Not here. Not now.

He released his grip on Ambrose’s thick neck, though blood trickled down from where his blade had been. Before Ambrose could react, Levi slammed a fist into the side of his face, knocking him on his back on the cobblestones. While he was down, Levi kicked him in the side, in the back, upside the head, his fists and boots raining down on the larger man, a painful storm of retribution.

Ambrose cried out, attempted to cover his face, his more delicate parts. When finally Levi stopped, Ambrose was nothing more than a huddled, trembling and bleeding mass among the decadent splendor of the private garden. Levi leaned in, close to Ambrose’s ear and his victim shuddered, a husk of the proud man he had been in the banquet hall. “I’ll be watching you Ambrose. Erwin Smith spared you tonight…but it won’t happen again. And should I find out that you’re sticking your cock where it isn’t wanted, that you’re beating women and selling children…I’ll come to the underground and seek you out.  And I’ll fucking kill you.”

He left Ambrose there, trembling in a puddle of piss and blood. A wave of adrenaline coursed through his veins as he approached Erwin’s quarters, knocked on the door.

Erwin opened it and a surprised expression colored his face upon seeing Levi. “Levi…I didn’t think you’d come– “

Levi grabbed the sides of Erwin’s face, pushed himself up on his toes to force his lips to Erwin’s, his kiss frantic, desperate, hungry. His tongue slipped past his lips, toyed with Erwin’s as the Commander let out a desirous gasp of shock and longing. Levi pushed his way into the room, slamming the door shut behind him as the two men stumbled clumsily to the bed, gasping against each other.

Erwin fell first and Levi forcefully stripped him bare, scoured his chest, his lips trailing down the hard body, the pale skin. “Levi…” Erwin reached out to pull him closer but Levi stopped him.

“Hold on,” he said, leaning in and biting at Erwin’s earlobe, procuring a gasp of arousal.

Levi pulled his knife from his breast pocket and Erwin’s eyes flashed. “What are you doing?”

“Shut up,” Levi grunted and without explanation, he tore a bit of fabric from the bed sheet, cut through it with his knife so it came away in a thick strip. “Give me your hands.” Levi snapped. “Now.”

Erwin did as he was told and Levi wound the strip of bed sheet around them, binding them together, before binding them to the bed frame, and rendering both of his hands immobile. “Levi…”

Levi leaned in and kissed his lips with a hard, forceful passion. He ran desperate hands up and down Erwin’s body, raising goosebumps on his skin. Slowly, painfully slowly, his mouth trailed down Erwin’s body, down his neck, to his clavicle, to his chest, until Erwin’s member was in his mouth. Erwin moaned low and guttural, tugged at his bindings as Levi moved against him. His hips writhed and bucked as Levi’s nails dug into the skin of his ass. “Oh my god, Levi…I’m…I’m…” He finished in Levi’s mouth, his body trembling under the slightest touch.

“Levi…I want to…” He pulled again at the fabric restraining his arms but Levi held firm.

“Shut up, Erwin.” Levi undid the ties of his trousers, brought his own member to Erwin’s mouth. Erwin took it willingly, moaned and hummed as Levi gasped. Levi gripped the headboard, afraid the force of his desire would break it in half. He came in Erwin’s mouth, before slumping into him, nuzzling against his shoulder.

“Levi…” Erwin tugged again at the bindings and Levi laughed.

“I like you like this. Maybe I’ll keep you this way for a while.” He licked at Erwin’s ear, bit at the tender skin of his neck and Erwin squirmed. Reluctantly, Levi retrieved his knife and cut Erwin’s hands free. Erwin wound his arms around Levi then, ran his hands through his hair.

“What’s gotten into you tonight?” He breathed into the black silk of Levi’s hair.

“Just wanted to strip all that power from the most powerful man in the room.” He smirked.

“With you, Levi, I’m powerless.”

Erwin kissed his nose, his eyelids. The gentle touch was almost too much for Levi to bear. He kissed the wrists he had so forcefully bound. In that moment, he wanted desperately to tell Erwin that he loved him. Instead, he said something else entirely.

“I’ll do it, Erwin.”

Erwin paused. Then, quietly, “Do what?”

A moment of silence. Levi prickled under Erwin’s gentle gaze.

“I’ll be your fucking Captain.”

Erwin moved his body to be able to stare at Levi in shock. The smile that spread across his face warmed the room, set Levi’s heart ablaze. “What…what made you change your mind?”

“Tsk…” Levi had to look away. “You were right. I’m suited for it…And you need me. To protect you…to ensure your survival.”

Erwin almost laughed then. “Are you sure?”

Levi grunted. “Don’t make me say it again, Erwin. This is your one shot. Take it or leave it.”

Erwin pulled him into a long, deep kiss, wrapped his arms around Levi’s body, brushed the undercut of his hair with a hand. “I’ll take it,” he whispered. “I’ll gladly take it.”

Levi returned the kiss, closed his eyes and succumbed to the darkness, the stillness, the warmth of Erwin’s body against his own. He fell into an easy slumber, with Erwin at his side, Captain and Commander adrift at sea as the rest of the world disappeared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love :)
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The King’s decision…it was beyond anything Erwin could have comprehended. And like the fool he was, he had thought better of his government, of the leaders that had been placed in positions of power. He had been gravely mistaken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erwin Chapter! Yay!
> 
> So I've come to a decision - I think I'm going to try to post once a week from now on, on Fridays and see how that goes. I've been posting a little more than that and I think this will help me to stay on track and not get too behind on the story. 
> 
> I hope you like this Chapter - Chapter Song is Into the Fire by Asking Alexandria. I personally like the acoustic version better than the original but they're both good and both really capture the violence and anger in this chapter. Shit goes down, friends.

Levi was gone by the time Erwin awoke. It didn’t surprise him. Levi was a thief in the night, stealing into his heart as he stole away into the darkness, never overstaying his welcome – though Erwin doubted that was even possible.

As he pulled on his uniform, his eyes strayed to the destroyed sheet, the torn and discarded piece of fabric that had bound his wrists and a chill shot up his spine. He had wanted to tell Levi about the council meeting, about the upcoming expedition, but had been too enraptured by Levi’s forceful hands, by his desperate kiss. He cursed himself. Levi would hate him when he found out.

He put his head in his hands and rubbed his temples cursing the King, cursing Zakley, cursing the nobles who had pushed their way into the meeting, thinking their opinions to be above the standard procedure. The King’s decision…it was beyond anything Erwin could have comprehended. And like the fool he was, he had thought better of his government, of the leaders that had been placed in positions of power. He had been gravely mistaken.

The meeting flashed before his eyes. Zakley describing, in no uncertain terms, the huge overpopulation within Wall Rose, the food shortage crisis. One nobleman, a portly and round man called Hans Wendt, stole into the room with them, claiming himself to be part of the King’s court. Lord Wendt held the conversation hostage, bellowing and ranting about the refugees, the destruction they were bringing with them.

“There’s nothing else to do.” Zakley sighed. “We move forward with the expedition as we originally planned.”

“Expedition?” Erwin’s eyebrows were raised.

And Zakley had told him then, a solemn and resolute look on his face. The royal government was planning an expedition to retake Wall Maria, sending out a force larger than any before it. Over 250,000 citizens would be sent back to Wall Maria, into titan infested territory…to reclaim the wall…or die trying.

“That’s suicide.” Erwin had interjected, heat rising to his collar.

“There’s no other way, Smith.” Dot Pixis spoke for the first time that evening. His sharp eyes assessed Erwin then, bore into him as if he was trying to make out the fibers from which Erwin was made. “You’re young, naïve, new to leadership. Sometimes this government must make hard decisions. But if we can make any strides to reclaiming the wall…”

“But that’s not what this is about, is it? You have no intention of reclaiming the wall…” His voice was falling on deaf ears. Zakley watched him struggle, his heart in his throat. Wendt’s arms were crossed, a manic smirk coloring the red of his cheeks, the fat of his jowls.

“The mission objective is to reclaim the wall,” was Zakley’s clipped response. His words were hard, cold. “The citizens chosen for the expedition will be laden with the fate of humanity. They will go out as heroes, fight and die as heroes.”

Nile crossed his arms, watching Erwin. Erwin could only guess what his former friend was thinking. When Erwin’s blue eyes met the brown in Nile’s, Nile looked away.

“So…we’re sending unarmed citizens without any military training out into titan territory...” His voice trailed off in disbelief.

“They won’t be unarmed. And they won’t be alone. That’s why you’re here. We’re requesting each of our Commanders to provide us with a roster of ten soldiers to contribute to the cause. Ten soldiers to lead these citizens, to provide them with guidance, to give them hope.” Zakley’s eyes were firm, staunch.

“You’re asking me to hand choose the ten soldiers I’m to send to their deaths?” Erwin choked out the words.

“Are you the Commander now or aren’t you, Smith? In your position, you must stop seeing your soldiers as human. They’re pawns at your disposal, pawns whose purpose is to protect the King. Harden yourself, steel yourself, or you won’t be long for this role.” Zakley’s words pierced Erwin’s heart, and he remained silent for the rest of the meeting. He could only think of Levi…he had been right the whole time. And Erwin cursed himself for doubting him. Hated himself for believing in something, anything, other than Levi.

He had fully intended to come clean to him. To tell him the truth, to admit his fault. But Levi was somewhere else entirely last night…and it had felt good to join him there, to forget about the blood soon to be on his hands. 

A knock at the door awakened him from his reverie, brought him back to his reality.

“Commander Smith?” It was Captain Green’s high, cheerful voice. “Are you awake, sir?”

Erwin stood, straightened the uniform he had hurriedly thrown on, hoping the wrinkles of its hasty disposal last night were not overly visible. “Yes, come in.”

The door opened and a wide-eyed Captain Green stepped into the room, a wide, stretched smile on his overly-enthusiastic face. “Good morning Commander. I trust you slept well?”

Erwin nodded. “Yes, thank you. To what do I owe the pleasure this morning, Captain?”

Green stiffened, his smile falling slightly. “Well…I’m afraid I have some less than pleasant news this morning, Commander. Seems last night, one of our patrons was attacked in the gardens and left for dead…He’s claiming it was at the hand of one of your squad members…and he’s looking to press charges unless he can get a meeting with you…now.”

Before he even said it, Erwin knew. He knew. The violence in Levi’s passion last night…the lack of explanation…he had thought he had seen blood on Levi’s cravat, on the fringes of his sleeves but in that moment, he had been…less than capable of questioning him.

“He’s rather pushy, I’m afraid.” Green’s eyes darted from Erwin’s face to the torn sheets on the bed.

“Is it Ambrose?” Erwin’s voice was cool, revealing nothing of the churning he felt inside.

The Captain sputtered. “Y-yes. How did you know that?”

Erwin straightened. “He menaced a member of my squad at the banquet last night, threatened him. I wouldn’t be surprised if the attack was provoked.”

The Captain’s eyes wavered. “Perhaps, sir. Though in my opinion, it doesn’t look like a fair fight. Mr. Ambrose is…quite…battered.”

Erwin nodded. Of course, he was. If he had gone up against Levi and survived…

“Bring me to him.”

Erwin’s heart was in his chest as he approached the gardens, wherein Charles Ambrose was waiting for him. He had expected the man to look a mess, the result of a quarrel with _humanity’s strongest soldier,_ but he did not expect him to look quite as awful as he did.  Both eyes were blackened and the right was swollen shut. Bruises colored his cheek and most of his upper body, and a gash had scabbed over on his neck, obviously a result of Levi’s knife.

Ambrose was sitting at a simple table, a glass of water and mint in his hand. He lounged almost comfortably by a small pond overlooking the gardens, but Erwin could see the wince in his face when he moved too quickly. As Erwin approached, Ambrose attempted a smirk, gestured to a wrought iron chair, identical to the one in which he sat. “Commander. A pleasure this fine morning. Please sit. Good to see you so soon after our first meeting.”

Erwin sat across from Ambrose and found he was having a difficult time looking at the man’s bruised face. Ambrose seemed to notice. “Not a pretty sight, is it? I assume Green has kept you informed? Seems your attack dog is rabid…”

“Green informed me you wanted to speak with me…What do you want, Ambrose?” Erwin’s tone was clipped, direct.

“I want retribution. I want Kuchel’s bastard to pay for what he did to me.”

“He left you alive. Alive enough to get yourself here, to make demands. You should consider yourself lucky.”

Ambrose growled, his voice a dangerous mix of anger and impudence. “You should consider yourself lucky that I don’t have the Military Police arrest him right now, imprison him, throw away the key. You know they would be happy to do so. And you should know my pull in the capital is capable of it.”

“So why am I here?” Erwin’s eyes were narrowed.

Ambrose took a sip of his mint water, bringing the glass to trembling lips. “Tell me, Commander, what does it cost you to fuck _humanity’s strongest soldier?_ Or does that whoreson give it away to you for free?”

Erwin slammed his fist on the table, rising without warning to his feet. The table rattled under the weight of his fists. Ambrose lifted an eyebrow over his swollen right eye. “Tell me what you want. I don’t have time for your banter.”

“Oh no? But you had time to suck his dick last night?”

Erwin leaned in, so his face was mere inches from Ambrose’s, his hands firmly placed on the table, supporting his weight. He wanted so badly to punch his already bruised face. “What do you want, Ambrose? Talk!”

“Well you see, Commander, I am what the nobles like to call a _procurer._ I’m a man of the people – I give them what they want. After last night, what so many of them want…is you…” He watched Erwin’s face, waiting for a response. Erwin leaned back, crossed his arms in front of his chest, mimicking a position he had time and time again seen from Levi.

“Me?”

“That shouldn’t surprise you, Commander. After your performance last night, you’ve become one of the most desirable men inside the walls. Men and women alike. _Commander Handsome,_ they’re calling you. Isn’t that endearing? Is that what little Levi likes to call you behind closed doors?”

Erwin rubbed his temples with his thumbs, irritation brimming at his collar. “Get on with it, Ambrose,” he spat through gritted teeth.

“I’ll make a deal with you, Commander. I won’t press charges. I’ll forget this whole messy business ever happened. If you give me one night…one night in the underground to fulfil the fantasies of certain nobles who would be willing to pay more than your weight in gold to spend a little…time…with you.”

Erwin’s mouth nearly dropped. The audacity…

“Full discretion, of course. No one will know you’re there. And I’ll even be willing to split the profits with you, give you some to take home with you to support the efforts of the Survey Corps. I won’t have it said that Charles Ambrose isn’t a generous man.” Ambrose studied Erwin’s face with his one good, albeit bloodshot eye. “So, what will it be, Commander Smith?”

“You can’t be serious.” Erwin struggled to keep his tone level. His heart was racing in his chest.

Ambrose chuckled. “I’m incredibly serious. Do you know how much money you could make me? How much money you could make yourself? The Corps? Besides, should you decline, I intend to press full charges against Levi, bring him to his knees…Perhaps even take ownership over that little shit. He is still my property, keep in mind.”

“What did you say?” The anger. He was having a hard time keeping it from bubbling over.

“My property. That bastard Kenny stole him away when he was young. Never paid for him. Technically, his title is still in my name.”

“His title?”

“He’s the son of a whore, born under my service. If I wanted to exercise my rights of ownership, I could call him back to my service and there would be nothing you could do about it – “

Erwin’s fist connected with Ambrose’s jaw, knocking the large man backwards so he tumbled onto the cobblestones of the garden floor. Erwin caught his breath. Why had he done that? It had all happened so fast. He had never lost his temper in such a way. He toiled over whether to attempt to help Ambrose to his feet and apologize or to leave him there, maybe even spit on his writhing form.

“You fucking bastard,” Ambrose choked out as he struggled back to his feet. “The deal is off the table! I’ll ruin you. I’ll ruin you and that little shit you so love protecting. And the Corps. I’ll lay waste to all the things you hold dear and dance on the smoldering rubble.”

“Try it,” Erwin spat. “You won’t be the first and you won’t be the last to try to ruin me. To try to ruin the Corps. But you won’t succeed.”

As Erwin turned away, he heard Ambrose bellow, “I hope you’ve enjoyed your time with Levi, Commander Smith. You won’t have much longer.”

Erwin stalked away, rage burning under his skin.

He couldn’t stop the gurgling, bubbling anger that surged through him at Ambrose’s words. Erwin knew that Levi, more than any other man, did not need his protection. But to hear those threatening, disgusting things coming out of Ambrose’s mouth, Erwin had not been able to control himself. And he had lost his temper in a way that was unusual for him. He cursed himself for letting his fist fly. But in a strange way, he also felt gratified. Gratified that he had been able to defend Levi, though he knew Levi would not have accepted or wanted his defense.

As he rounded the corner to his room, he heard his heart beat loudly over the trudging of his footsteps. He had to come clean with Levi. About everything. And had to address the situation with Ambrose…He paused outside Levi’s door, his fist raised to knock.

“Can I help you, Commander?” Levi. Erwin turned to see Levi, arms folded in front of his chest, leaning on the wall, watching him, an eyebrow raised.

Erwin smirked. “Good morning, Captain.”

“Tsk…” Levi hissed and rolled his eyes. Erwin laughed.

“Can I come in?” he asked. Levi shrugged and nodded, held the door open and Erwin stepped inside.

As Levi shut the door behind him, Erwin turned, attempted to reach out but Levi pulled away. “What happened last night, Erwin?”

Erwin raised an eyebrow. “I could ask you the same question, Levi…”

The two stared at each other from across the room. The tension was thick, different from the tension of the night prior. Colder, more distant.

Levi shifted but the look of defiance did not drift from his face. “Ambrose came to find you.”

Erwin nodded. “He did…he looks like shit.”

“He _is_ shit. He’s lucky I left him alive.”

“I won’t deny that, Levi. But he’s going to press charges. He’s going to take action against you.”

“Let him. We took that bastard Lobov down, Ambrose will be even easier.”

Erwin hesitated, “Levi, it’s not that simple.”

“Why not? Dammit Erwin. Why not? He’s a bastard. He sells women and children. Treats them like property. He’s worse than Lobov…And he’s going unpunished.” Levi’s voice was raised now. This was personal for him, Erwin knew. He imagined a beautiful, frail woman on the ground, bloodied, broken, ravaged…with Levi’s eyes.

“He’s protected, Levi…but so are you.” Levi’s eyes, cold steel, widened. Erwin sighed. “I won’t let them take you, charge you, without a fight. Whatever happens…I’m behind you.” Levi’s eyes softened as he observed the sincerity in Erwin’s eyes. “Besides, you’re an Officer now. You’ll have more pull, more leverage.”

Levi rolled his eyes, looked away. He crossed his arms as he leaned up against the door frame. “An Officer.” He scoffed. “Tell me what happened last night…the meeting with the King. What did that bored shit have to say?”

Erwin’s heart stilled in his chest. He felt suddenly nauseous. Could he face Levi, could he tell him what they crown had decided? He would have to. The truth would out eventually. 

He chose his words carefully as Levi studied his face with a hard, cold expression. “The Crown…along with the government…has decided to move forward with…an expedition to…retake…Wall Maria.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “Retake Wall Maria? The Scout Regiment has the smallest force we’ve had in over a year. We just lost everyone…how can we possibly – “

“Not the Scout Regiment, Levi.”

A look of understanding, of horror, settled over Levi’s face then.

“250,000 civilians…each Commander has also been told to assign ten of our own men and women as support… “

Levi was furious. “Tell me you’re joking, Erwin.”

 Erwin nodded, looked away and Levi’s face twitched in anger. “250,000 _civilians,_ Erwin. These people aren’t soldiers! We’ll be sending them to their deaths. It’s a suicide mission and you know it! Did you even speak out against it? Or did you just sell yourself to the ideas of the aristocracy?”

It was Erwin’s turn to grow angry. “Do you think so little of me, Levi?” His voice was quiet though sharp. He felt wounded by Levi’s words. “What could I say to a room full of men who had made up their minds? I was there to sign off, to remain silent while those in power made the plans.”

Levi walked up to Erwin, their faces close. “You have power, Erwin. You’re the _Commander,_ aren’t you? What’s this all for if you don’t have a say?”

“I’m the Commander of the _Scout Regiment_. A branch that depends on the other branches to survive. If I disagree too harshly, pull my support, they’ll pull theirs. We’ll lose funding. We’ll lose the ability to fight. We’ll lose everything. Is that what you want? Is that what you’d have me do?”

Levi’s eyes were so angry, so hurt. So desperate. “Fuck, Erwin…”

“Then what? You take such bold strides as to question my judgement. But you don’t have any alternative courses of action?” Erwin felt the anger, the frustration of the past day, the disgust of the morning spent with Ambrose, the guilt of the impending expedition rise to the surface. “No! Your alternatives involve violence, beating those who don’t agree within an inch of their lives and leaving them to die. You’d have me revolt, shout my rebellion from the rooftops. Some of us control our impulses. Some of us think before we act!”

Levi backed up. Had Erwin actually struck a nerve? “Fuck you, Erwin.” He turned without hesitation, pulled away so abruptly, Erwin felt the sting of his withdrawal. As he headed to the door, Levi didn’t look back. Erwin felt pained, instant regret shooting through him. “Levi – “ he reached out but Levi ignored him.

“Levi!” Erwin’s voice was harsh, forceful and Levi stopped in his tracks, his hand on the doorknob, threatening to turn it. “I’m your Commander. And you have not been dismissed.” He was not sure why he said it. Perhaps out of desperation, perhaps out of anger. But Levi’s eyes were so dark, almost black, and filled with a dangerous violence when they flashed to his face.

“May I have your leave to go, _Commander_?”

“You may not,” he snapped.

“Tsk…” Levi turned back, moved to walk out the door. And Erwin had never felt himself move as fast as he moved then. He grabbed Levi’s wrist, forced him up against the nearest wall and slammed the door shut, his heart beating so hard, he feared it might burst out of his chest. Erwin knew he was playing with fire, baiting a feral and dangerous animal, but he didn’t care. The forcefulness of his anger held him firm. “That was disrespectful. You disobeyed a direct order.”

“You’re angry because I disrespected you? I hurt your feelings? You’re pathetic.”

Erwin grabbed Levi by the collar with both fists, and their eyes bore into each other’s.  “You will respect me, Levi.”

“Fuck you, Erwin Smith.” Levi spat.

Urgently, coarsely, Erwin forced his lips against Levi’s, bound his hands, held Levi’s body still with the weight of his own. Levi struggled against him, thrashed, even bit at Erwin’s lips but Erwin pushed on. His passion was vigorous, burning, hungry.

His hands fumbled roughly on Levi’s neck, on his uniform, on his skin. Levi gave in to the violence of Erwin’s kiss, to the haste of hands as they scoured his body, clawed at the muscles that cascaded down his back. Erwin’s desire was almost unbearable, painful. In that moment, he wanted to break Levi, to bring him to his knees, to punish him for being insubordinate, disrespectful. He wanted _Humanity’s Strongest Soldier_ to succumb to him, to surrender himself.

Levi returned the violent touches, his hands desperate and insistent on Erwin’s skin. His nails left deep red welts on Erwin’s back. Erwin’s hands pulled at Levi’s hair, exposing the flesh of his neck. He grazed his teeth along Levi’s shoulder, bit at his chest.

During the moment, Erwin was aggressive, almost brutish in his desire. He was rough where once he had been gentle, his hands groping, grasping, gripping, roaming. Erwin felt violent, frenzied, mad. Levi cried out only once and Erwin was sure he had hurt him, sure he had ruined everything but, in that moment, in the heat and the passion and the fury, he didn’t care. He continued to thrust his body against Levi’s until he came in a volatile release of frustration, desire, anger, passion. He fell against Levi, his body trembling, sweating, shuddering.

Levi did not stay that night. He wordlessly pulled his uniform back on and slipped away into the night. No kiss, no kind word. And Erwin hated himself. Hated the man he had been in that moment of passion. He had been so angry, so volatile…feeding off of that violent anger he had felt emanate from Levi. And in the process, had he pushed Levi away? As the arousal subsided, all he was left alone with only his shame and guilt.

He tossed and turned, endured a night of endless torment, unable to sleep, feeling exposed and empty without Levi by his side. He drowsily faced the morning’s sunrise with tired and bloodshot eyes. He knew their troupe would be allowed breakfast before the carriage arrived. The carriage bound to take them back to Trost. Back to mission planning and the upcoming expedition that was bound to rattle his scouts, to tear them apart.

As Erwin stumbled out of bed, pulled on his uniform, he sighed. Was he ready to go back to headquarters, to assume the title of Commander, to sentence soldiers to their deaths? He had to be. This was the life he had so desperately wanted. The life for which he had so desperately fought. Would it all be worth it if it drove Levi away from him?

He headed to the mess hall after ensuring his hair and his clothing were perfectly set in place, that there were no signs of his inner turmoil outwardly visible. As he approached, he toiled with the hope, and also the terror that he might see Levi. He knew he would have to face him eventually. He wanted to face him.

But he felt a pang of disappointment to see Mike, Hange and Nanaba sitting on their own. There was no sign of Levi. As he sat down beside them, Hange smirked. “Morning Commander. You look like shit.”

He almost laughed. Despite his best efforts, his sleepless night was no doubt plastered on his face. “I didn’t sleep much last night.” He cleared his throat, attempted to keep his face still and impassive. “I don’t imagine any of you have seen Levi this morning?”

Mike choked on his tea. “Should be asking you the same question.” He cocked an eyebrow and Erwin glared at him.

“I haven’t seen him since last night. He’s angry with me.”

“Why ever might that be, Commander? Do share with the group…” Erwin saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Levi was sliding onto the bench beside Hange, opposite Erwin, his tone sarcastic and biting. He held a cup of tea between his hands. His eyes smoldered on Erwin’s as he took a seat.

All eyes on Erwin now. “Erwin?” Mike’s tone was questioning but Erwin’s eyes never left Levi’s.

He stood. “Levi, a word in the hallway?”

Levi slowly took a sip of his tea, eyes narrowed.

“Now?” Erwin forced himself to remain calm, but his hands shook at his sides.

Levi nodded, placed his tea on the table and rose to follow Erwin out into the empty hallway leading off the mess hall. Once out of sight and earshot, Erwin spoke. Quietly, hesitantly. “Levi…last night…”

“Erwin, stop.”

“If I hurt you…if I ruined this…I could never forgive myself.”

Levi was watching him, watching his expression, waiting for an opening. Waiting to either withdraw or attack. But Erwin felt himself break, felt himself dissolve into a puddle at Levi’s feet. “Without you, Levi, I’m a fraction of myself. To lose you…to hurt you…it would destroy me.”

Levi shook his head, a smirk toying with the ends of his lips. “So melodramatic, Erwin. You didn’t hurt me. And you didn’t lose me. You never will.”

Erwin let out a sigh of relief, allowed himself to breathe.

Levi continued resolutely. “That being said, I’m still not happy about this. And I won’t be. But…I’m volunteering.”

Erwin staggered, his eyes widening. “Volunteering?”

“Those pigs told you to assign ten Scouts to the mission, right? Well now you’re only responsible for nine.”

“Absolutely not.” Erwin grit his teeth.

“I’m the best soldier you have. You know that. And the civilians…respect me in some odd way. You know the chances of success…of survival…are better with me there.”

“No.” Erwin’s voice was firm. “I forbid it.”

“Why?” Levi growled. “Why is my life any more special than any one of the 250,000 lives you have no problem dooming? I have no name, no family. And none of them deserve to go face their own deaths any more than I do.”

“I can’t…Levi. I can’t let you. We both know how the mission will end…how it was always supposed to end…” Erwin plead with him. He didn’t care. He would sink himself to that level if it meant saving Levi from that fate, if it meant keeping him alive.

“Commander Smith?” Captain Green’s voice echoed down the hallway. Erwin and Levi both looked up, watched the Captain approach with a group of MP’s in tow. Their faces were set, hard, serious. As they moved closer, Green’s eyes fell on Levi and they narrowed. “I’m so sorry to do this Commander but we are placing Levi under arrest for the murder of Charles Ambrose.” He turned to the MP’s behind him. “Take him into custody.”

Erwin’s eyes were wide in shock as he scanned the scene around him desperately. He searched Levi’s face to see the same shocked and bewildered expression that he assumed was plastered on his own face. He forced himself in between Levi and the MP’s moving in on him. “What is the meaning of this? I met with Ambrose just yesterday.”

“Ambrose was found dead this morning…”

Erwin’s felt a chill spread through his body, to his heart. He looked back at Levi to see an expression of defiance painted on his face. “Can you provide an alibi for Levi’s whereabouts last night, Commander?”

And to his dismay, Erwin realized he could not. For the first time in almost a week, Erwin had spent a night without Levi, a night without Levi’s small form wrapped in his arms. He searched Levi’s face. He didn’t…he wouldn’t…would he? “Levi…?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t kill the piece of shit. But it doesn’t surprise me that someone else did…he had it coming.”

Captain Green sighed, addressed his team. “Take him.”

Erwin watched Levi’s hands flicker to his boot, the knife he knew was hidden within. “Levi, don’t fight them,” he said calmly. “I’ll get to the bottom of this. Go quietly and they’ll have nothing against you.”

Levi nodded, allowed the MP’s to bind his hands, to lead him away. He didn’t look back. Erwin could feel the beating of his heart, hear it resounding in his ears.

“Erwin?” He turned to see Mike, Hange and Nanaba standing in the door way to the mess hall, watching Levi’s small form be led away.

“Tell me one of you was with him last night,” there was a longing in his voice, a desperation he could not hide though he did his best.

The look of dismay on all of their faces gave him all the information he needed. He knew Levi was capable of it. But he couldn’t believe it, wouldn’t believe it. Ambrose was dead…who else would want his life? Erwin was sure many men had a grudge against the whoremaster…but this felt like something else entirely. Something more purposeful, something more heinous. Despite himself, Erwin thought of Nicholas Lobov rotting in a cell underground and felt chilled. This was all a little too convenient.

His own words fluttered through his mind, _I won’t let them take you, charge you, without a fight. Whatever happens…I’m behind you._ Though the circumstances had changed, these feelings had not.  He would protect Levi, would not abandon him to the MP’s.

Was he Commander or was he not?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! The plot is thickening!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi had always loved the stars. Kept apart from them, they seemed transcendent, magical, yet somehow ephemeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday, y'all!
> 
> Chapter Song is Head Under Water by Flyleaf. We're setting up for some really good angst - hope you're ready :) I'm just over here having a ball!

Levi had always loved the stars. Kept apart from them, they seemed transcendent, magical, yet somehow ephemeral. He had first seen them just weeks after Kenny had taken him in. Results of decaying and abandoned construction in the underground had opened up a cavernous hole in the ceiling, wherefrom the sky was visible. It was the only place to see stars in the underground. And out of some strange and fleeting moment of kindness, of affection, Kenny had taken Levi, allowed him to sit on his lap and fall asleep with the stars shining above them. In that moment, he had remembered feeling a fondness for Kenny. It was the only time he could remember ever feeling that way.

He returned to that cavernous opening often in the years that followed. When he was upset or angry, he found that the stars calmed him with all their anonymity, all their impartiality. He remembered the first time he had brought Furlan and Isabel with him, how their eyes had lit up, filled with hope and wonder. The night before they died, Levi had watched the stars from the roof of the Survey Corps headquarters with Isabel and Furlan. Had chosen to trust them. The night they died, he had watched those same stars, seated in a tree outside the walls with Erwin Smith. And in that moment, he had started, ever so slightly, to trust the Squad Leader. To fall in love with him, despite his best efforts to the contrary.

The night of Charles Ambrose’s death, Levi had once again consulted the stars for comfort. Erwin’s words, his ignorance, his anger, had affected Levi, made him question everything. He had spent the night on the roof of the King’s palace rather than in Erwin’s bed. And though sleep did not come, the stars refreshed him, revived him, helped him forgive, gave him perspective. As the sun rose and the stars faded from view, he felt ready to face Erwin.

To hear of Ambrose’s death, to be accused of killing the bastard, was more than a shock to Levi. It was an affront. Though he would have loved to have been responsible for it, for once in his life he was innocent. And when Captain Green pointed his long, spindly finger in Levi’s face, commanded his men to place him under arrest, Levi felt a surge of irritation. Not only had he _not_ had the pleasure of ending that piece of shit, Ambrose, but now he was being accused of doing so.

Once in the dungeon of the Military Police Headquarters, Levi felt the walls close in. Felt claustrophobic. Erwin had told him not to fight, so Levi had not fought, though he could have easily avoided capture, killed all of the MP’s that had approached him. Captain Green assessed him behind the bars and for the first time since he had arrived in the Capital, Levi watched the smarmy mask crack and fall away to reveal the man beneath.

Green’s face hardened, his eyes narrowed and his thick brown eyebrows raised sardonically. “I must say, you look right at home behind those bars, _Levi_.” Green’s lips formed around Levi’s name, spit it out, as though saying it put a bitter and unpleasant taste in his mouth. Levi glared at him. “This really is for the best. Your presence only taints Commander Smith’s good name. The sight of you at his side makes him look dirty. He needs someone with class, someone with decorum, at his right hand.”

Levi scoffed, seeing the wistful expression in his eyes. “Someone like you, Green?”

Green leaned in and scowled at Levi. “Don’t make me laugh. I serve the _King_. What use would I have for a simple Commander? Of the Scout Regiment, no less. I would never stoop so low as to join those pitiable ranks. Though perhaps I could have other uses for _Commander Handsome.”_

Levi grabbed hold of the bars that separated him from Captain Green and moved in close. “You wish, you ugly fuck.”

Green laughed. “You’re going to rot behind these bars, Levi. Whoever will comfort our dear Commander in your absence?”

“Fuck you,” Levi growled. “I’ve gotten out of worse situations than this.”

“Perhaps. But you’re in Mitras now. And you’ve willingly given yourself over. All on the orders of Commander Erwin Smith. Has the feral dog from the underground finally become tame?” Captain Green’s smile made Levi’s stomach churn. “I wonder who will protect Smith while you're locked away... It would be…unfortunate…if something were to happen to him while you’re not there to keep him safe.”

Levi’s eyes widened then. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Green shrugged. “Just a thought I had. It’s a dangerous world out there for someone like Commander Smith. So many people resent him, hate him even. He has many enemies who would love to see that handsome head on a spike…”

“You touch him, and you won’t live long enough to regret it.” Levi’s voice was venomous, dangerous.

“What will you do from in here, Levi? _Humanity’s Strongest Soldier_ is just as useless as the rest of us behind these bars.” He turned away, began to exit the dungeon, leaving Levi alone in the darkness. “Enjoy your stay. I’m told it will be an extended one.”

Levi slumped against the far wall in his cell. It was cold, hard, stone. Everything was gray. It was not the first time he had been imprisoned. But this time it felt different. He remembered the look of shock in Erwin’s eyes as Green had placed him in custody. There was fear reflected in the blue, fear and something else…was it distrust? Was it suspicion? Did Erwin doubt his innocence? Levi supposed he would be a fool not to. And Erwin Smith was not a fool.

“Fuck…” There was nothing left to do now. From inside these bars, he could not be helpful, could not kill titans, could not protect Erwin. Green was right. Behind these bars, he was useless. He was ordinary. He was hopeless.

He slid down the wall, huddled in a corner, making himself as small as possible. His head in his hands, he sighed heavily, submitted to the darkness, to the heavy chill that had settled around him. He closed his eyes, pictured the stars in his mind, and knew that it would be a long time before he would see them again.

 

* * *

 

He heard Kenny’s voice, startled, looked up. Kenny the Ripper was arguing with someone, his voice harsh and defiant…

_Ya don’t want to argue with me, Ambrose. I’m taking the kid._

Ambrose.

 _Absolutely not,_ the whoremaster snapped. His voice was sharp, had an uneven tone to it. _He’s mine. Kuchel went and died and left me with nothing to pay off the debt she owed me. The boy is her recompense._

Levi watched Kenny’s fists clench at his sides. The knuckles were turning white. _Recompense?_ He asked.

 _She came to me with nothing. Begged me to take her in. I housed her, I fed her…For years._ Was that fear in Ambrose’s eyes. Fear of this tall, gangly man before him?

Kenny’s hands began to twitch. _She was a beautiful woman. I’m sure she made up for whatever debt she owed you out of the pockets of her patrons._

_She might have had she not so graciously provided me with yet another mouth to feed.  And, once she got sick, no clients would take her on. She became a liability. She’s lucky I didn’t force her out on the streets to fend for herself. She was worthless to me at the end - !_

Kenny’s hands were at Ambrose’s throat. With seemingly little effort, he forced Ambrose against the wall, slammed a fist into the side on his face. Before Ambrose could react, a knife was at his throat. Kenny’s voice was harsh, thick, as he slowly said, _I’m taking the kid, Ambrose. And ya best shut yer yap about it if ya wanna stay alive._

Ambrose struggled and thrashed but Kenny’s knife stayed firm, drawing blood the more he moved against it. _Fuck you!_ He spat out but Kenny only laughed.

 _You piece a shit, Ambrose. Don’t ya have enough whores? Whatcha need a little kid for anyway?_ He released Ambrose and the whoremaster fell to the ground in a slump. He groped at his bleeding neck, glared over at Levi where he sat huddled behind the bed in which his mother’s corpse lay, wasting away.

Kenny stepped over the threshold, over Ambrose’s mass on the floor, entered the room. He wrinkled his nose. Levi knew the room smelled. Knew _he_ smelled. Kenny’s hard gray eyes fell on Levi’s mother. Levi could see an inaudible gasp escape his lips. _Damn,_ he said. _You sure have lost a lot of weight, Kuchel._

Levi couldn’t tell if this tall, imposing man was being serious or not. “She’s dead,” he said. These were the first words he had spoken in a long time. Words that made it real. She _was_ dead. She wasn’t coming back.

At Levi’s words, Kenny’s eyes flickered to where he sat huddled on the floor. _And what about you, then? You alive?_

Levi didn’t know how to respond. He looked away.

Kenny leaned against the wall adjacent from Levi. _Ya got a name, kid?_

“Levi. Just Levi.”

Kenny smirked, slid down the wall letting out a low huff of air. _Works for me. I’m Kenny. Just Kenny. Nice to meet ya. I…I was a friend of yer mom’s._

He had Levi’s attention now. His mother didn’t have any friends. No one who came to check on her well-being except her clients. And even they had come to visit much less often since she got sick.

_Whatcha say we get you outta here, Levi? Would ya like that?_

Levi wasn’t sure what to say. Kenny stood up, extended a hand to Levi. _Can ya walk?_

Levi nodded, took Kenny’s hand, rose to his feet., followed him out of the whorehouse, away from Ambrose, away from the deceased body of his mother. Away from his past.  

“Levi! Are you awake? Levi?” The voice was insistent, woke Levi with a start. He had fallen asleep. The darkness was still but for a tall figure moving outside his cell. Erwin. Levi pulled himself to his feet and approached the bars, his bones creaking from the hours spent huddled in the corner.

“Erwin?” As Levi approached, he studied the Commander’s firm eyes, the set of his jaw, the grave expression of concern on his face.

“Are you alright?” Erwin’s voice was low, deep. Levi nodded.

“Why are you still here?” Levi asked. “I thought you were going back to Trost this morning.”

Erwin shook his head. “Not without you. I’m going to get you out of here…I’ll stay in Mitras until I can get to the bottom of this,” Erwin’s brow hooded by the shadows that played on the walls.

“But the expedition…”

“Fuck the expedition.”

Levi’s eyes widened, “This is serious, Erwin…The Corps needs direction. They need their Commander.”

“And I need to be here. I won’t abandon you to rot in this cell. You’re far too valuable to the Corps - .”

“To you, you mean...” He turned away then, but Erwin reached out, grabbed a hold of his sleeve and pulled him close.

“You’re right. You’re far too valuable to _me_. No one else matters. Not now. Not to me.” Levi could feel Erwin’s breath on his face, could tell Erwin wanted to touch him, but his words caused Levi pause, made his breath chill in his lungs.

“Dangerous words, Commander,” his voice was nearly a whisper.

“I told you before, Levi. I’m a selfish man. The title changes nothing.”

Levi shook his head, frustrated at Erwin’s stubbornness, his selfishness. He grasped the bars in his hands, glared out at Erwin. “Erwin, this expedition is so much bigger than me… Have you decided which ten soldiers are you sending to their deaths? Which ten lives you’ll order to die without even having the balls to face them?”

Erwin’s face darkened. “Will you never forgive me of it, Levi? What would you have me do, lead the charge myself? If that’s what it takes, I’ll do it.” Erwin assessed Levi’s face and Levi scowled.

“No…” he said quietly.

“Then can you forgive me? Forgive me my selfishness, forgive me the responsibility of the role I’ve been given? I need that from you.” There was an earnestness in Erwin’s eyes. It seeped into Levi’s bones, softened the jagged edges of his anger.

From behind the bars, Levi sighed. “You fucking know that I will, Erwin.”

Erwin seemed almost relieved at Levi’s words but Levi shook his head, fell back, out of reach. He stood at the back of the cell, his eyes on Erwin’s unreadable face. Erwin spoke quietly, “The expedition departs in a week’s time…I’ll send Hange back to direct the force, arrange their departure, relay my instructions…”

“Is that wise? To have a Squad Leader deliver that…less than pleasant news?”

“It’s my decision and it’s final,” Erwin’s reply was curt, direct, and Levi took the hint. Let it drop. _Trust Erwin’s judgement,_ he reminded himself. _Trust Erwin even when it doesn’t make sense._

“So, what now? We allow 250,000 civilians to die while we sit here doing nothing…” Levi couldn’t hide the sarcasm that was laced through the timbre of his voice.

“I have no intention of doing _nothing_.” Erwin’s face was stoic. “None of this sits well with me, Levi. I can’t help but feel that Lobov is behind this.”

“From inside his cell? Don’t be ridiculous, Erwin…”

“Do you not think him capable of it?” Levi hesitated at Erwin’s words, considering them, mulling them over. Could he be right? Could Lobov really have some part in this? Erwin continued. “No…it doesn’t sit well with me and I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I plan to visit the underground, perhaps Lobov himself in his cell…”

“The fuck you will! You have a target on your back already,” Levi interjected, his blood churning, boiling, in his veins. “Going to the underground is suicide, Erwin.” _And I won’t be there to protect you,_ he wanted to yell. But he kept those words to himself.

“I’ll take Mike and Nanaba with me.” Erwin’s tone was cool. His eyes gazed off into the ceiling, as if pondering a great mystery. “Another thing that occurred to me…no one has seen Ambrose’s body. It’s in the morgue, being prepared for cremation…access is being denied to all but a privileged few…why?”

Levi scoffed. “Ugly fuck probably got himself beaten to a bloody pulp.”

Erwin met Levi’s eyes with a meaningful look. “I’m going to see that body.”

“What makes you think they’ll let you see him?” Levi growled. “If this is all some big conspiracy to frame me for Ambrose’s murder, they’ll do everything in their power to keep you away from him.”

“Exactly.” Erwin smiled. “I’ve always enjoyed a challenge.”

His demeanor was almost positive. Irritation flared under Levi’s collar. Erwin wasn’t the one caged like a dangerous animal. Levi watched with unexpressive eyes as Erwin put a hand through the bars and beckoned him. “I don’t have much more time, Levi. Let me touch you.”

Slowly, Levi approached, allowed Erwin to kiss him through the cold steel that separated them. He felt Erwin run a hand through his hair, felt his fruitless attempt to get as close as the obstructions would allow him. “Do you trust me?” Erwin whispered.

“Yes,”

“Good, then.” Erwin pulled away, allowed a hand to linger on Levi’s cheek for a moment before withdrawing. Levi watched his face, sure there was something else Erwin wanted to say but the Commander remained stoic.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise.” With one last kiss to Levi’s forehead, Erwin turned to go. Levi was left alone again. He wasn’t easily shaken but the darkness that enveloped him was smothering, oppressing, suffocating. He paced back and forth, measuring the walls of his cell with his strides. As he walked, he felt the walls closing in, did his best to steady himself.

_Hey Levi._

He felt a chill travel up his spine at that voice. Was he dreaming? Imagining? He had to be…Kenny wasn’t really here. Was he going crazy?

Kenny’s lanky form was leaning up against the interior wall of his cell, his arms crossed over his chest. It was a pose Levi himself often assumed, he saw himself in it. Kenny’s hat was crooked on his head, almost obscuring his cold gray eyes.

_Can’t believe ya went ahead and let yerself get caught. Thought I taught ya better than that._

“Get out of my head…” Levi growled at the apparition but Kenny just grinned at him.

_Never thought you’da let yerself get ensnared by a charmer like Smith. Didn’t I raise ya to be smarter than that?_

“You’re not really here, you old piece of shit.” There was a frantic, desperate tone in his voice though he fought to choke it back. He _was_ going crazy.

_Course, I’m really here. I’m a part of ya. You’ll never be able to get rid of me._

Levi put his head in his hands, his nails digging into his scalp. “Go…away…”

_Thought ya woulda been glad to have some company. Someone to talk to._

Levi again slumped to the ground. His mind was a mess, twisting and turning violently. He closed his eyes, pinched them shut to remove Kenny’s languid form from his line of vision.

_Sweet dreams, little boy._

* * *

 

The next few days were a grinding, plodding blur of boredom, frustration and desperation for Levi. He wasn’t sure exactly how many days had passed, only that during that time, he hadn’t see anything more of Erwin and the Commander’s absence settled in his stomach like a hollow pit. His hands ached to be useful, his mind churned, raced. Kenny stayed by his side, like a shadow, a ghost, reminding him of his captivity and his inability to escape. Though he did his best to ignore him, Kenny poked him, prodded him, annoyed him into conversation. He knew the depths of his insanity, how mad he must have seemed to anyone who entered the dungeon, talking to someone who wasn’t there.

_That Commander of yers really does have a death wish, doesn’t he?_

“Stop talking to me.”

_Yer getting some enjoyment out of it. Or ya would stop talking back._

Levi’s eyes were dark, narrowed into slits of rage. “Be…quiet…”

Kenny laughed then. _We are so alike, aren’t we? Are there times when ya feel yer lips move and my words come out? You even look like me…a little uglier maybe…shorter too, obviously…_

Levi’s head hurt. He had taken for granted the luxuries of being a free man. The gentle caress of the wind on his face, the warmth of a hot cup of tea in his hands, the peace of being at Erwin’s side. In the basement of this stone palace of justice, all he had was cement rock and slabs, cold air and his rampant, untamed imagination.

He thought of Erwin constantly. What he was doing, where he was, whether or not he was in danger without Levi by his side. He thought of the upcoming expedition, the unsuspecting and terrified civilians being led to their deaths. He toiled in his own mind, waging war on the thoughts that would be his undoing.

_Talk to Kenny. Tell me what’s going on in that surly, complicated brain of yers._

“You’re a product of that brain. Shouldn’t you already know?” Levi snapped.

 _I want to hear ya say it. Do ya think Erwin’s dead by now?_ Kenny’s face was expressionless, a blank canvas, watching Levi out of the corner of his smug eyes. He was sitting, leaned against the opposite wall of the cell, almost lounging.

Levi shook in anger. “Don’t talk about him.”

_Ooh have I struck a nerve? Tell me, Levi, do ya love him?_

“Fuck you.”

Kenny laughed. _So, you do? Whoa…Didn’t know monsters were capable of love…_

“Shut up! Get out of my head!”

“Eh, who you are you talking to?” Levi prickled at the unfamiliar voice. A _real_ voice. A voice not manufactured by his own imagination. The form of a tall, thin MP came into view, his cloak curling around his gangly legs. Long gold hair was tied back behind his head, his handsome face watching Levi from outside the cage.

Levi glared out at him from behind his small cell, didn’t answer. The MP looked in at him, assessing his small features. “Don’t feel obligated to respond…”

“I want to see Commander Smith,” Levi growled harshly.

The MP’s handsome face chilled. He turned his eyes away from Levi’s. “That’s why I’m here, actually…The Commander is dead.”

Levi’s heart stopped beating. He wouldn’t believe it. Had no reason to do so. He wasn’t dead. “You’re lying,” he snarled.

The MP pulled back at Levi’s harsh tone, then shrugged. “I don’t have any reason to lie…I just thought someone ought to tell you. Word has it that the Commander visited the underground yesterday…”

Levi’s hands were shaking. His eyes were wide as he grabbed a hold of the bars that separated him from the MP to steady himself. “The underground?”

The MP nodded and the yellow tail on the back of his head bobbed. “A friend of mine was there, saw him shot…I’m afraid you won’t be leaving this cell anytime soon.” He paused and for the briefest of moments, a look of pity crossed his masculine face. “I’m sorry, Levi. I know you cared about him…”

Levi’s gray eyes flashed to the MP’s face, a look of rage, of pain, of desperation cascading over his features.

“Why would you care? A piece of shit MP like you?”

The MP met his eyes. “Not all us MP’s are loyal to Lobov…when I heard Erwin Smith was appointed as Commander, I almost considered enlisting myself, leaving the Police behind…and _you_ …the first time I heard about the man who could take down five titans by himself…I thought it would be a transformation for the Corps…what will become of them now?” The MP fell silent, pulled away. “I’m sorry, Levi. I really am….I just didn’t think it was right to let you sit down here…never seeing him again and never knowing why…” Levi heard his slow, despondent footsteps echoing as he exited the dungeon, leaving Levi alone again. But not alone.

_Dead, eh?_

Levi bit down on his wrist to stop the sob that threatened to break free from his lips. He stumbled away from the bars, to the back of his cage. Kenny got to his feet, moved closer, almost close enough to touch him.

_Well…that’s ironic, isn’t it, kid? Ya finally find someone to love ya…I almost feel bad for ya…_

“I said SHUT THE FUCK UP! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Levi bellowed. He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t dead.

Kenny pulled back. _Sure, kid. I’ll leave ya alone._

And for the first time since Kenny appeared…Levi was alone. His world caved in around him.

He looked up through swimming eyes and saw the stars, the wide-open sky only obscured by trees. Erwin sat next to him, his eyes glimmering under the moonlight. _I hope you will stay, Levi._

The tree in which they sat, huddled together, swayed gently in the breeze. And Levi wanted to reach out to Erwin, to kiss him, to hold him. To tell him that of course he would stay, that he should never have been so fucking rude, so fucking stubborn. That he loved him. That he would always love him.

But slowly, Erwin Smith faded from view, only to be replaced by Kenny, his stupid fucking face pulled into a large smirk. It was dark, and Levi’s legs were growing tired, so Kenny offered to let him sit on his shoulders. He wasn’t heavy, and Kenny didn’t seem to mind. Excitement was evident in Kenny’s deep voice as he said, _Got somethin’ ta show ya, kid. Yer gonna love it._

And then Levi saw the stars. A huge cavernous hole that opened up to the heavens, to the black sky and the tiny white lights that illuminated it. And Levi felt all at once at awe and at peace.

“What…are they?” He asked and Kenny laughed.

_They’re stars. C’mere, sit in Kenny’s lap, hmm?_

And he did, sat with Kenny and watched the stars. Watched them flicker and twinkle and dance and had never been more mesmerized.

_Yer mom used to love the stars. Wish she coulda been here with us…_

And Levi wanted to ask him, more than anything, wanted to ask him how he had known his mother. If…if Kenny could be…but he didn’t. Even then, Levi had been too stubborn, too proud. So instead, they just sat silently and watched the stars.

And Levi let the stars envelope him, let them comfort him, let them absolve all his sins. Let the stars in his mind try to make his heart whole, though he knew Erwin’s death was a wound from which he could never truly heal.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, angst. Pretty Kenny heavy chapter too, which I LOVE because he's so fun to write. 
> 
> I really wanted to depict the strong influence Kenny has had on who Levi is. And the Dexter/Harry thing was SO fun to write. If it plays well, I might bring it back. 
> 
> Let me know what you think. Much love!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was the Commander. And with such a title came certain perks. It also helped that he was incredibly charming, an art he had perfected since he had first learned how to speak. It was with ease and grace that he was able to wrap the nobles around his fingers, entrap them and ensnare them with his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday, friends!
> 
> Thanks for reading and subscribing! I really appreciate the support! 
> 
> Chapter song is Watch Your Back by Sam Tinnesz.

He was the Commander. And with such a title came certain perks. It also helped that he was incredibly charming, an art he had perfected since he had first learned how to speak. It was with ease and grace that he was able to wrap the nobles around his fingers, entrap them and ensnare them with his words.

“Captain Green,” Erwin’s voice was smooth, soft, as the Captain strolled past him. Erwin knew Captain Green favored him. It was the subtle curl of his smirk, the amicable tone with which he spoke when Erwin was around. “Might I have a word with you in private?”

Green nodded, his unfailing smile widely displayed on his face. “Yes, of course, Commander. Please follow me…” The Captain escorted him to a private drawing room, closed the door behind them. His eyes glittered in the low light. “I do hope you know how uncomfortable it made me to have to place your man behind bars. I know how…fond of him you are.”

Erwin nodded resolutely. “I wanted to impress upon you my sincerest belief in Levi’s innocence.”

The Captain raised an eyebrow. “Ahh…well, Levi is very lucky to have won your trust. Though, I’m afraid we just don’t have any other choice but to keep him behind bars until this mystery is further resolved. With no alibi, nor anyone who can account for his whereabouts, he’s the most likely suspect. What with his attack on Ambrose the night prior…and his history with the victim…”

Erwin didn’t argue those points. They were valid. Logical even. But there was something about this situation that didn’t sit well with him. “Captain, I understand why Levi has been apprehended. But I would ask that you treat this investigation with a great deal of…scrutiny. Levi and I both have numerous enemies, especially in Mitras. Lobov’s conviction only months ago is surely still fresh for many nobles. I don’t doubt that some of them might seek retribution.”

“Of course, Commander. I hope you know you also have many _supporters_ as well.” Green had moved closer to him, Erwin realized. In the small space, he could almost hear Green’s breath.

“I do so appreciate the sentiment,” Erwin smiled his most convincing smile. “I hope, that being said, that I might aid in your investigation? If only to assist in getting to the bottom of this mess?”

“That would be…highly unorthodox,” Green responded, the mask of his pleasant expression jarring a bit from his face.

“I understand. But I like to think unorthodox is my calling card.” Erwin smirked and Captain Green chuckled.

“You are full of surprises, aren’t you, Commander?”

“I’d like to think so.” Erwin sidled closer to Green still. “I don’t suppose I might see Ambrose’s body? See if there any clues that might be rendered from a closer inspection?”

Green’s smile froze and a chill crept up his features. He was closing off. Erwin had played too close, too fast. “I’m afraid that won’t be possible. He’s being readied for cremation now.” The ice melted a bit as the Captain put an arm on Erwin’s shoulder. “Besides…it’s a ghastly sight. I’d hate to have that burned into your memory.”

Erwin feigned agreement though irritation burned through his veins. “I’m sure you’re right, of course. Though I would really very much appreciate a quick moment to examine it…if you could arrange it.” He hoped the delicate charm would persuade Green, have an affect on him as it seemed to have on so many. He smoothly slipped a hand to the one Green had placed on his shoulder, wound fingers through the Captain’s. His stomach churned but his smile remained and Green flushed at his touch.

“I suppose just a quick moment wouldn’t hurt…though I was under the impression you were to be on your way back to Trost this morning…”

“I won’t be leaving for Trost today. If I have overstayed my welcome with the King, I will seek hospitality elsewhere but I won’t be leaving Mitras without Levi.”

Green’s eyes grew cold and he pulled his hand just out of Erwin’s reach. Subtly, he forced a smile. “Of course. Yes, of course. That makes sense. I’m sure the King would be honored to host you for as long as you require. Though…I do worry for the Scout Regiment…alone in Trost without a Commander…”

“I’ll arrange to send Squad Leader Hange back to headquarters with my detailed instructions for the upcoming mission.”

“Very well, Commander Smith. As you wish.” Green pulled away but before he could step out of reach, Erwin delicately laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Captain, I do very much appreciate your support in this matter. I’m in your debt. Would we perhaps be able to visit the morgue sometime this afternoon?” Erwin was afraid to push his luck, afraid his insistence would set the Captain on edge, make him feel suspicious. But he couldn’t risk allowing the opportunity to slip away.

Green smirked. “Persistent aren’t you, Commander? I do hope you recognize the risk on my end. Commander Dok would surely disapprove of my allowing you into the morgue unsupervised…”

“Commander Dok and I are good friends.” Erwin leaned into Green. “And besides, I won’t be unsupervised, will I? I had assumed you might join me, watch over me to ensure I don’t grow faint at the sight?” He was laying on the charm in such thick layers, he suspected that anyone with an ounce of dignity might feel patronized. He knew Levi would feel patronized. Luckily, Green seemed to fall under his spell, oblivious to any underhanded intentions.

“Well in that case…meet me at the morgue in two hours. I’ll have my men relieved from their post at that time. We’ll have to be quick.” Green’s eyes flashed with desire and Erwin fought back the revulsion that rose to his throat.

“I’m in your dept, Captain.” Erwin raised his hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles.

“Bernard,” Green replied and Erwin forced a smile to color his features.

“I’m in your debt, Bernard.”

Erwin felt dirty. He had to remind himself that everything he was doing was on Levi’s behalf. As Levi languished behind the steel bars of his jail cell, every flirtation, every sideling glance, every enticing touch, was to secure his freedom. But still, Erwin felt dishonest, corrupt, foul. He forced those feelings aside. He had more important, more pressing items to which he needed to attend.

When he came clean to Hange, Mike and Nanaba, he was surprised that not one of them disagreed with his plan or questioned him. None of them seemed phased by the impending expedition either. Did they trust him so easily, believe in him so wholeheartedly? He was honored by their faith in him. But in a way, he missed Levi’s obstinance, his defiance, the questioning expression in his gray eyes when he disagreed.  

“I know this must come as a shock to you all…but it’s the decision of the royal government, the King himself…” Erwin was calm, collected, as he explained everything.

Hange nodded. “We know, Erwin…the MP’s have been boasting about it for days.”

Erwin raised a thick eyebrow as he studied her. “You’ve known…and you didn’t question me…”

Mike chimed in. “We trusted you knew what you were doing, Erwin. We’re behind you.”

Erwin was warmed by their conviction. “Then I trust you know something is not right here…I don’t doubt Levi is capable of murder…but in this case, I do not believe him to be responsible.”

They all nodded, and, encouraged, Erwin continued. “I’m going to get to the bottom of this…I’m staying in Mitras and I hope you won’t begrudge me of it.”

Nanaba spoke and her words rang true, as they often did. “The government has looked down on Levi since he entered the Survey Corps. It makes sense that they would attempt to lock him away while he’s here, within their grasp.”

Mike concurred.” And if Levi had wanted to kill Ambrose, wouldn’t he have done it the night of the banquet? He’d have known he would be the prime suspect. He’s too smart to go back the following night.”

“Good, then we’re in agreement.” Erwin looked around at all of them and felt a sudden rush of gratitude. It was confirmation that he surrounded himself with the right people, people of the same quality, the same caliber, the same propensity for idealism and devotion. “That being said, with me being unable to return to Trost, can I trust you to go in my stead, Hange? To deliver the news of the expedition, to see our soldiers off?”

Her eyes flickered to Erwin’s face behind her glasses. He could see her breathing heavily, the panic that broke out over her features, though she struggled to keep it hidden. “Of course, you can.” Her hands were shaking so Erwin reached out and twined his fingers with hers. “I wouldn’t trust anyone else with this.”

That seemed to placate her. She smiled slightly though he could see her uneasiness. It wasn’t like her to show anxiety, to show fear. Erwin knew the full extent of what he was asking of her, knew the weight of that which he placed on her shoulders. She forced herself to remain strong and steady, pulling her fist to her heart in a salute. Erwin returned the salute, a gentle, reassuring smile on his face. Before turning to go, Hange asked him, “You’ll write and keep me updated?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

As Hange’s form faded from view, Erwin was struck with the gravity of what he was doing. He was essentially abandoning his duty…his dream…for Levi. This was what his enemies wanted, what they had always wanted. To render him weak and powerless, to find his weakness and exploit it. In a moment of terrifying clarity, Erwin realized that they had indeed found just that…Levi was his weakness. And Erwin had, in all his selfish desire, allowed him to become so. This was Erwin’s fault alone.

“Now what, Erwin?” Mike’s voice was low, eyes searching Erwin’s face.

“I’m going to see that body.”

The morgue was housed below the hospital in Mitras, in the bowels of the maze of hallways that comprised its basement. He had asked Mike and Nanaba to stay behind, not wanting to compromise the shaky trust he had built with Green. He knew Levi would have disapproved of his going alone but Levi was otherwise unavailable, and Erwin could take protect himself.

Green stood at the end of the hallway, in front of a large steel door, one that looked heavy and imposing, most likely impossible to breach.  It was a good thing Erwin had been so easily able to win Green’s assistance.  Breaking into this room would have posed quite the challenge, one for which he had not been fully prepared. Though it did strike him as odd that the morgue would require such an impervious obstacle to prevent unwanted passersby from strolling into its depths.

Upon seeing him approach, Green smiled, ushered him onward. “We don’t have much time. I’ve dismissed my men to make a perimeter check. We’ll have less than 20 minutes until they return.”

Erwin hurried to meet Green and stood by his side as the Captain withdrew a long metal key from his pocket. He unlocked the door and with an immense heave, shoved the heavy door open with a resounding screech. The room into which Erwin stepped was sterile and cold. A haunted feeling settled over Erwin, crept into his bones. What Erwin could only presume was a human body lay on a table of solid wood, covered by a thin white sheet. Large red stains had seeped through the fabric, splotches of color interrupting the solid white.

As Green approached the table, his eyes flickered to Erwin’s and the look on his face was one of concern. “I warn you again…he’s not a pretty sight…” And he pulled back the sheet. What lay beneath could only be identified as human by the sheer size and shape of the remains. The face was so bloodied, so beaten and disfigured that Erwin couldn’t even recognize the man Ambrose had once been. Frayed whiskers that had once been a mustache were sparse and covered in blood. Erwin fought back the urge to vomit as a wave of nausea crashed over him. He had never seen anything quite like this, like the violence and hatred that was evident in what was left of Charles Ambrose.

He forced the words from his mouth. “How…how did you identify him? There’s hardly any discerning features left…”

Green reached over to a side table picked up a thick gold ring. On it’s face, the initials, _CA._

“Whoever did this to him…whoever attacked with such animalistic violence …must have truly hated him…must have had a personal vendetta against him…and then lost control…” Green studied the body on the table in front of him, his expression unreadable. Erwin knew the leanings of his hinting. And though he wanted to turn his eyes away from the mutilated body before him, he forced himself to lean in closer, to inspect harder.

The slant of the ribs, the thin line of the abdomen caused him pause. His eyes flickered to Green’s. “Bernard…have you considered the possibility that this isn’t Charles Ambrose?”

Panic flashed behind the mask of Green’s composure and he startled back. “Wha….why would you say that?”

Erwin allowed his hand to trail along the skin of the body before him, to touch the emaciated stomach and trail along the ribcage. “This man…is the right build for Ambrose. Thick, broad shoulders. But…he’s thin…too thin…Ambrose never wanted for anything in his life. His stomach reflected a lifetime of booze and fine foods…”

“But why would he be wearing Ambrose’s ring? His clothes?” Green sputtered but Erwin’s mind was spinning now.

“Two nights ago, I met Ambrose for the first time…he approached me with Levi at my side…it wasn’t a coincidence and it wasn’t by mistake. Ambrose was brought to the banquet on purpose…to provoke Levi, to create a scene with witnesses…”

“Nonsense,” Green’s voice was sharp now. “Mr. Ambrose has often been a guest at the King’s events. He’s well respected by the King and his court.”

But Erwin shook his head. “Don’t you see, Bernard? This was a perfectly planned set-up and we walked right into it.” He pulled away from the body on the table, from Green and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “I should have known…”

Green slammed a hand down on the table and the echo reverberated through the small space, against the blank walls. Erwin’s eyes snapped up to see a subtle rage building on Green’s features. “This is silly, Smith. You’re being ridiculous. You have nothing to go on with this insane albeit _creative_ theory. I should never have brought you here. We need to leave, NOW.” He hastily threw the sheet back over the corpse on the table, vehemently ushered Erwin to the door.

Erwin didn’t fight, allowed himself to be removed from the morgue by insistent and urgent hands. But the vision of the disfigured corpse was burned into his memory, as was the feel of cold flesh under his fingers. Once back in the hallway with the door to the morgue locked safely behind them, Green whirled on Erwin, his hands on either one of Erwin’s shoulders. “Look at me, Erwin Smith,” Green’s voice was steady, his eyes seeking, penetrating, pleading. “Let this be. Don’t set to seeking out trouble for yourself so soon into your appointment. Think about your career…is this really worth throwing away everything you have worked for?”

And in that moment, a shudder ran through Erwin. As his eyes bore into Captain Bernard Green, a fog of distrust obscured his vision, set his mind on an unsteady pace. But he forced himself to smile, to nod. “You’re right of course. Forgive me…I’ve been so swept up in the drama of this morning’s affairs…I suppose I’m looking for a conspiracy.” He placed a hand on Green’s, atop his own shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “I thank you for your help and advice. I have a lot to consider…I think I’ll retire to my room.”

Green nodded and his eyebrows cinched, an expression of pity enveloping his features. “Yes, I’d wager that’s for the best. You’ve had a trying day. I should never have brought you here…I feel I’ve put unnecessary thoughts in your head. For that, I apologize.”

“Nonsense. You were only trying to help.” As he pulled away, moved down the hallway and out of sight of Captain Green, Erwin was surer of himself than he had been that entire day. It wasn’t Ambrose under that sheet, of that, Erwin was certain. Questions churned and thrashed inside his brain and he knew there was only one place wherein he would find the answers he sought: the underground.

The air was fraught with tension as he, Nanaba and Mike trudged down the underground steps. Their passage had not been questioned. He was the Commander. He could go wherever he pleased in Mitras – or below it. Erwin’s heart pounded in his chest as they neared the underground dungeons to visit a man he had not seen since his conviction: Nicholas Lobov. Why his every inclination was pulling him to Lobov, Erwin couldn’t quite be sure. But there was something there, some insight to be gleaned.

It was a silent trek, an uncomfortable one. The air in the underground was stifling, chilled, and there was a constant stink of death, disease and despair. The first time Erwin had been to underground had been on a reconnaissance mission with Nile. The Commander had requested Erwin’s assistance in investigating the theft of Military Police gear. That was when Erwin had first caught a glimpse of Levi. His intricate flight across the ceiling of the underground in the very stolen gear for which Erwin was searching set Erwin’s heart on fire. He had never seen anything quite like it, never seen anyone use the gear in that way. It was as if the gear itself was a part of Levi. He was so natural, so at ease in the air. Erwin had known he had to have him.  And he had made a deal with Nile during that visit to the underground. A deal that he would retrieve the stolen gear and apprehend the thieves…if Nile would spare them punishment and allow them admittance into the Survey Corps. Erwin wondered if his feelings for Levi had begun that day…

As Erwin and the others crossed the dingy streets and neared the underground dungeons, he could almost feel Levi’s presence. The last time he had been to the underground, he had realized the extent of his feelings for Levi, had come to terms with the fact that he was in love with the man he had captured and forced into his ranks. The man who had every reason to hate him. And now, Erwin knew without a doubt that he would do anything to protect that man, give up everything to keep him safe.

Since Lobov had been housed in the underground jailhouse, the once abandoned structure had had a force of armed guards assigned to it. One MP was placed outside the doors and another upon the stairway to the basement of the structure. Erwin remembered Marcelle’s kick to his back, the fall down those very stairs that had left him battered and bruised. The last time he had entered the prison, he had had a bag over his head, obscuring his vision. This time, he was on high-alert, all his senses keenly aware.

As their footsteps echoed on the stone steps, Erwin could make out a faint chattering as though someone was mumbling to themselves. The voice was deep, low, frantic. Lobov. Nearing the cell in which Lobov was contained, Erwin was shocked to see a shell of the man Lobov had once been. He was thinner…sickly looking. His pale skin was stretched across his face, his once prodigious mustache sparse and falling out in pieces. Lobov was sitting in the far corner of the cell, raking his fingers, muttering under his breath, his eyes roaming, searching, flickering back and forth.

He did not stir as Erwin approached, Mike and Nanaba on his heels.

Erwin cleared his throat. No response.

“Lobov.” Nothing. “Nicholas Lobov?”

The green eyes flickered to met Erwin’s and a moment of recognition settled over his gaunt features. The muttering stopped and silence resounded louder than Erwin could have imagined as Lobov assessed him. With trembling hands, Lobov reached out, pointed at him from where he sat. “Erwin Smith…”

Erwin nodded. “Yes, Nicholas.”

Lobov let out a thick, phlegmy laugh. It echoed through the empty cellblock, before curdling into a rasping coughing fit. As he caught his breath, Lobov smiled, displaying yellowing teeth. “Here for a look at the man you ruined, eh Smith?”

Erwin’s back was straight, his conscience clear. “You ruined yourself, Lobov.”

Lobov laughed again, coughed again. “Then why are you here? Haven’t you had enough fun at my expense?”

“How much do you know about Charles Ambrose?”

“You interested in buying yourself a whore, Smith?”

“Answer the question, Lobov.”

Lobov pushed himself up, stood on shaking legs that seemed barely able to support his marginal weight. He approached the bars that separated him from Erwin slowly, hesitantly, his green eyes narrowed. “Where’s your attack dog, Smith? Interesting that he’s not here with you…”

Erwin raised an eyebrow. “Interesting indeed. What do you know about it, Lobov?”

Darkness filled in the gaps and hollows of Lobov’s sunken features. “Everything.”

Erwin grit his teeth and Lobov’s yellow teeth flashed as he grinned. “Do you doubt my pull from behind these bars? Doubt that those loyal to me have been turned away by my imprisonment? You’ll never be rid of me, Smith. Long after I’m dead, I’ll haunt you from beyond the grave.”

Erwin held his breath as he asked the question he so desperately craved an answer to, “Do you claim responsibility?”

Lobov smirked. “Oh, how I wish. I certainly would have loved to see your face the moment they pulled that rat out from under you. Alas, I am only a spectator, a mere innocent bystander. Though, to see you suffer, to hear of your pain, Smith…I feel like a free man again.”

“Who killed Ambrose, Lobov?”

Lobov put his hands on the bars, pressed the hollow cheeks up against them so his face puckered through. “What will you give me for the information I have?”

Erwin’s hands balled into fists at his sides. “What do you want?”

“Look at me, Smith. I’m a fraction of the man I once was. I’m slowly wasting away. Does that bring you pleasure?” As Erwin breathed in the dank air, felt the chill cold seep into his bones, he realized it didn’t bring him pleasure to see Lobov in this state. “All I want is passage above ground, imprisonment on the surface. Surface rats are so much more pleasant than the rats down here.”

Erwin sighed. “Done. If the information you provide me leads to Levi’s freedom and acquittal, I will arrange for your transport and housing in a cell above ground.”

Lobov leaned back, pulled away from the bars, his eyes glimmering.

Erwin asked again. “Who killed Ambrose?”

“No one,” Lobov’s words were smooth as they bubbled from his chapped lips, and Erwin paused where he stood.

Confirmation. Erwin’s heart was pounding. To hear those words come from Lobov’s mouth, it was validation that he had been correct, that it was not the body of Charles Ambrose that lay rotting in the hospital morgue.

He feigned ignorance to pry more information from the decrepit man before him. “What do you mean?”

“Ambrose lives…Go see for yourself.”

Erwin feigned obliviousness. “But why?”

“Don’t play coy with me, Smith. You’re not as dumb as you look. And this information isn’t new to you, is it? You’re a hated man…how better to bring destruction to the Corps you’ve created than to steal away your most powerful weapon?”

“Levi.”

“The spirit of the Scout Regiment. _Humanity’s Strongest Soldier._ I daresay, without substantial proof of his innocence, the Military Police may well hang him for his crimes.”

“They didn’t hang you…” Erwin snapped.

“They choose the punishment most suited for the criminal, don’t they?” Erwin glanced around at the minimal provisions, the drab conditions, the dirt and grime that seemed to have grown on Lobov’s once powdered skin.

“Who else is behind this? Surely Ambrose isn’t working alone. What’s in it for him?”

Lobov laughed. “Does he need accomplices? Don’t you think having Levi locked up would be good enough reason for him?”

“To fake his own death? To leave his life and his reputation behind?” Erwin was having difficulty hiding his incredulity. “Why would he do that?”

“He’s not leaving anything behind. He’ll continue his business. In his will, he left everything to himself, under a new name: Andrews. But in this new life, he’ll be rid of Levi. He’s betting that the violent nature of his attack will ensure Levi’s demise.”

“And the body found by the MP’s?” Erwin couldn’t help the memory of that indistinguishable human face, the blood and bruises that distorted any features.

“An underground scum. Dressed in Ambrose’s finery. Disfigured beyond recognition. No one to miss him, no one to mourn him.”

Erwin had had enough.

“Where can I find Ambrose?” His voice shook. He was so close to the truth, so close to securing Levi’s freedom. He could taste Levi’s lips, feel his skin under his fingertips.

“At the brothel, of course. The business can’t run itself. And the whores can’t go unchecked.”

Erwin forced his breathing to remain steady. “Then that’s where we’ll go.”

The smirk remained plastered on Lobov’s face, wide, yellow, and almost inhuman. “I do hope you won’t forget about me, _Commander_ Smith.”

Erwin ignored him, turned away, his eyes flashing to Mike and Nanaba. “We’re done here. Let’s go.”

As they marched up the stairs, Erwin could hear the soft muttering begin again and he felt chilled to the bone. 

The brothel was a brick and mortar hovel on the outskirts of the town, just a few blocks away from the jailhouse. Having never visited it himself, he had had to ask the MP’s guarding Lobov for directions and felt a wave of shame wash over him as they had narrowed their eyes in suspicion.

He couldn’t allow that to daunt his progress. He was close, so close to finding Ambrose, to bringing the bastard to justice, to proving Levi’s innocence. He stopped short outside, the building. He could feel the tension in the air, hear the beating of his own heart, his comrades’ breathing. He glanced sidelong at Mike first and then Nanaba. “Are you ready?”

They both nodded and Erwin saw them both put hands on their weapons, readying themselves.

Erwin crossed the threshold first, stepped into a silent, empty room. No whores, no patrons, no alcohol, no revelry. Wood tables were placed on the floor and a bar to the left along the wall indicated previous nights of gaiety and carousing. A long hallway on the second floor overlooked the main hall of the building, lined by intricate wood bannisters and at least 10 doorways to private quarters opposite. But the only living person in the room was a thin, older woman behind the front corner. She looked up on their entrance and smiled. Erwin noticed that despite her age, she was still very beautiful with long red hair and large blue eyes. Her bosom bounced as a result of a tightly wrapped corset cinching her waist, though there could not have been an ounce of spare flesh on her entire body.

“Soldiers, hmm? Can I help you, dears? Here for a night off?”

Erwin smiled at her, moved past his counterparts to stand directly in front of her. “Not exactly, madam. We’re here to see your employer. Is Mr. Andrews available?”

Her eyes flashed, a pained expression on her face. The screeching of the door through which they had entered indicated to Erwin that someone else had entered the brothel but he did not turn around.

“Andrews?” The woman asked. She reached below the counter and retrieved a small gold bell on a handle. Held it out and in one deft, quick movement, she rang it.

“Erwin…”He heard Nanaba’s questioning voice behind him but ignored it. Out of the corner of his eye, Erwin saw a flicker of movement on the second floor. Doors opening, shadowy figures emerging from within.

The woman reached out, grabbed Erwin by the shirt collar, the blue of her eyes boring into his own. “You’re in danger,” she whispered.

“Erwin.” Mike’s voice followed Nanaba’s now but this time, it was filled with a sense of urgency, a desperation.

Erwin pulled himself away from the woman and spun around to see that their entrance had been blocked off…a group of at least ten MP’s had followed them inside and were barring the door, their eyes menacing, their weapons unsheathed.

“So good of you to join us, Commander.” Ambrose. He stepped forward into the light atop the balcony of the second floor. His mustache was gone, as was the thick brown hair atop his head. Shaved clean, his face was almost unrecognizable. But that smirk. The bruises from his run-in with Levi. “We weren’t sure how easy it would be to get you here. I had my doubts that Lobov would be able to persuade you. Yet here you are. You really are your own worst enemy aren’t you?”

 _Lobov._ Erwin’s mind was a rage inside his skull. Lobov set them up. And he, like the idiot he was, had believed him. He fought desperately to hide the disbelief and anger that bubbled up within his chest. “You look very well, Charles…Much less dead than the last time I saw you…” They were vastly outnumbered. Even more so than he had originally thought as slowly, at least 10 more MP’s trickled out of the doorways upstairs to flank behind Ambrose.

A voice behind him chilled his blood. He whirled around to see Captain Bernard Green, arms crossed, a smile barely hidden behind his thick brown beard. “All it took was a slight push…and you’ve fallen headfirst into your own demise…and without your fearsome little protector to defend you, you’re like a mouse in a trap. We had to get rid of him…you see that now, don’t you? We couldn’t have him here putting up a fuss, getting in the way of our plans.”

“Green…”Erwin stumbled over the words. “What is the meaning of this…?”

The MP’s on the balcony moved towards them, filing down the staircase behind the counter. Erwin could feel them closing in, but his eyes were for Green alone.

Green moved closer to him and without hesitation, Nanaba and Mike moved in front of Erwin, blocking Green’s path. “Tch…you really think the two of you will be able to protect him? If we thought so, you would be behind bars with that little sewer rat.”

“Green! Tell me!” Erwin demanded, his voice powerful now, revealing the full wrath of his fury. The Captain’s eyes flashed to his face.

“The world is too small for people like you, Erwin Smith. People who want to move and shake the foundations upon which we survive and flourish. You may have imprisoned Lobov but his ideals live on…the destruction of the Survey Corps is imminent. And it starts with their Commander…mugged and murdered in the underground after a night of celebrating his appointment with whores rather than the Scouts who serve under him. You _did_ decide to abandon them, didn’t you, Erwin? What was it you said to Levi? _No one else matters. Not now. Not to me.”_

Erwin prickled hearing his own words coming from Green’s mouth. He felt Mike and Nanaba’s eyes on his face.

“You made a mistake, Erwin. You showed the cards in your hand. Served us your weakness on a silver platter. Captain Levi, _Humanity’s Strongest Soldier._ You’d do anything to protect that little runt, wouldn’t you?” Green’s voice was a cold chill that swept through Erwin’s bones, settled in his mind. “Don’t you see? Your feelings for him betrayed you…You have no one to blame but yourself.”

Erwin remained silent, his eyes narrowed. Green was right. Erwin had allowed himself to become attached. This was all his fault. He had put his friends in harm’s way, the Corps in harm’s way, allowed Levi to rot behind bars, all because he had dared to desire another person, had permitted himself to fall in love…it was a mistake…it had all been a mistake.

“Too bad we have to kill your two friends here as well…you should have come alone, Smith. But then, you’re much to smart for that, aren’t you?” He laughed out loud and rage shot through Erwin like a bullet. He raised his fist, moved towards the Captain but was stilled when Green pulled a thin black revolver from beneath his cloak. “I wouldn’t make any quick movements. Even someone as reckless as you should realize the odds aren’t quite in your favor in this instance.”

Erwin’s eyes were hard. “You’ll let them go,” he said to Green. “You’ll let Mike and Nanaba go. Take me. You have what you want. No unnecessary blood needs to be spilled today.”

“And what? Let them run off to the surface to tell Zakley? To warn him of my treason? I don’t think so. You’ve doomed them with your friendship, Erwin Smith.”

“You underestimate our skills.” Nanaba’s voice was harsh, so different from her normally refined speech. Her eyes flashed dangerously as she pulled her blade from it’s sheath. “We won’t be dying today.”

Mike withdrew his blade as well, a scowl forming on his face.

“Tch…your loyalty is heartrending,” Green clicked his tongue. “So good of you to give your lives to the cause.” He aimed his gun at Nanaba’s forehead, setting off a ripple of movement through the Scouts. Nanaba dived out of the way and Mike, in irrational anger, thrust his arm out, brandishing his blade at Green. And the swarm of MP’s leapt on them. Erwin’s weapons were barred before he knew he had drawn them.

From his balcony vantage point, Ambrose screamed at the men below. “Kill them! Fucking kill them! They don’t leave!”

Their movements were a blur as the strikes and blows rained down on them. Erwin heard his comrades struggle, watched as a fist struck Nanaba in the face, knocked her back off her feet. Mike growled and tore through the group of MP’s that surrounded her. Blood spurted from Nanaba’s nose and she choked out, wiped her face on her sleeve as she fought to bring herself back to her feet.

“Get the FUCK away from her!” Mike screamed, the sharp edge of his blade running through two MP’s in front of him. Erwin thrust his elbow into an MP that gripped a fistful of his hair, knocked his opponent back before landing a kick to his chest. He could feel bones crack under his boots, blood spurt from the swings of his fist. And despite the odds, they were making progress, clearing a pathway for themselves towards the door.

But then Erwin’s eyes connected with Green’s. The revolver was pointed directly at Erwin’s chest.  He froze in place, his breathing heavy from the fight.

“Enough of this.” Green snapped and a blast from the gun deafened Erwin. He heard Mike and Nanaba scream out his name in unison as he crashed to the ground, blood pounding in his ears, pain searing through his body. He felt Green’s boot to the back of his head and his world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoping that the story is picking up the pace here and that nothing seems to come out of nowhere. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin Smith was…dead. It didn’t feel real to Levi. Erwin had for so long seemed impervious, untouchable, some sort of god who roamed the earth. But that was foolish, Levi knew. Erwin was human…had been human…flesh and blood and bone. Vulnerable. Fragile. Mortal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! I'm really excited for this next arc of Part Two! Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Chapter song is another by Sam Tinnesz - Hold on for Your Life. If you haven't checked this artist out, do it. A lot of his songs are really neat!

Levi had refused the last three meals in the solitude of his cage. In his silent mourning, he felt just like the little boy who had sat huddled in the corner of that underground whorehouse so many years ago. What more could this world take from him? And was he truly allowing himself the luxury of self-pity? He was disgusted with himself. But despite his best efforts, he couldn’t shake the hollow pit that had settled in his stomach, the loneliness that had pervaded into his very core. Erwin Smith was…dead. It didn’t feel real to him. Erwin had for so long seemed impervious, untouchable, some sort of god who roamed the earth. But that was foolish, Levi knew. Erwin was human… _had been_ human…flesh and blood and bone. Vulnerable. Fragile. Mortal.

Kenny had returned. Levi’s mind had softened, slackened its grip on reality.  And perhaps as a defense mechanism, he had manifested Kenny’s form to keep himself sane. Kenny was slumped against the wall closest to the bars, his gangly arms crossed over his chest. He rarely spoke, a sullen look on his gaunt face.

Levi’s bones were stiff from his immobility. His stomach churned from its emptiness. Yet his heart continued to beat sporadically in his chest. What was the point of all this? Why bother to care for others at all? The walls he had built up…hadn’t they been for his own protection? His mother. Kenny. Isabel. Furlan. Yan. And now Erwin. This was his own fault…his fault for allowing his walls to fall, for allowing himself to hope, to love.

 _Yer being pathetic._ Kenny’s voice resonated in the empty space of his mind. _Yer seriously sitting there feeling sorry for yerself?_

Levi willed himself to ignore him – he was a figment of Levi’s imagination, a creation of his mind whose sole purpose was to give him some comfort, some ease from the loneliness nagging at his bones.

_Ya think survival is an indulgence? Ya think ya can just give up because yer sad?_

Levi’s hands were shaking. He squeezed his eyes shut so tightly he could see speckles of white amidst the blackness of his closed lids.

_Fuck that. You don’t get to shrivel up and die. Yer going to survive. Because that’s what ya do. That’s what I taught ya. Yer gonna steel yerself._

“You’re not real…” Levi hissed.

_I’m not. But you are. So ya better fucking buck up, sweetheart. Smith wasn’t the first and he won’t be the last. But you, Levi. Yer a survivor. And you didn’t come this far just to get choked up at the finish line…_

Levi finally lifted his head. Kenny was peering over at him, his wide-brimmed hat perched back on his head so those cold gray eyes were fully visible. _Attachments are for the weak. Are you weak, Levi?_

Levi didn’t respond. He hadn’t felt this weak since that day in the underground. Kenny had rescued him from squalor and introduced him to a new life, a new world. Taught him how to survive. Attachments _were_ for the weak. Had Erwin Smith made him weak? Was that the Commander’s plan all along? To make him docile, tame?

_You will survive, Levi. And you’ll be stronger for it. Ya hear me?_

Levi’s eyes hardened. He needed to pull himself together.  Surviving was what he did. Slowly, he rose to his feet, pulled the knife from his boot. Time to get out of these bars. But as he approached the lock to pick it, he heard footsteps on the steps outside his cell. He forced himself to retreat, to stash the knife back in his boot.

Three forms came into his line of sight, hasty eyes peering into his cell as if expecting to see him engaged in some illegal action. Zakley. Dok. The handsome MP who had informed him of Erwin’s death only a day prior. Levi scowled at them all but was silent, his arms folded in front of him. What did they want? Here to execute him? To lead him to his trial? Or were they just here to insult him further, to pour salt into his bleeding, festering wounds?

“Levi,” Zakley spoke first. “We need to talk.”

Silence as Levi watched him, observed that wizened face for any signs of what was coming. But the Commander-in-Chief was impassive, unreadable. Dok lurked behind him, a sour look on his ugly face.

“You’ve met Eld already, I’ve been told.” Zakley gestured to the handsome MP who flushed at his side, obviously uncomfortable. “He’s informed us that he thought it pertinent to share some privileged information with you. Information concerning Commander Smith.” Levi froze, his heart pounding in his chest.  “That being said, we have received additional communication from a reliable source…and we need your help.”

Levi forced himself to remain indifferent, his face neutral. “Get on with it then.”

“We have reason to believe Smith is alive, Levi.”

Levi’s breath caught, stolen from his lungs. His eyelids fluttered as he stared at Zakley. “Alive?” he choked out and Zakley nodded.

“Seems we had traitors in our midst, hiding in plain sight, led by our dear friend Captain Bernard Green.”

Levi was on fire, felt his cravat strangle him. Of course it was Green, that smarmy fuck. He remembered Green’s dark words, his veiled threats after locking Levi away. “Where is Erwin?”

“In the underground. We’ve received information that he is being held at Ambrose’s whorehouse. And that the whoremaster himself is a little less dead than we had originally thought.” Zakley smirked at that and Levi fumed.

“If he’s not dead then why the _fuck_ am I in here?” His voice was low, dangerous. Zakley was unmoved by his harshness, apparently unphased by his anger. “We need to get to Erwin…we’re wasting time…”

“I’m getting to that, aren’t I? In light of these discoveries, you’re a free man, Levi. And we’d like your help. We’re assembling a force to bring the traitors to justice and rescue our dear Commander Smith.” Zakley withdrew a key from his breast pocket, turned it within the padlock and opened the cell door. Levi felt he could breathe again. “Can we count on you?”

Levi stepped out of the cage, clicked his tongue. “What are we waiting for?”

And he turned on his heel, leaving the three men behind him. Zakley caught up with him, kept pace with his stride, while Dok fell in behind them, just out of earshot.

“Your reliable source…is it one of your men?” Levi snapped at Zakley when they were side-by-side.

“Not quite...” Something about Zakley’s tone set Levi on edge. His cold eyes rested on the older man’s face, assessed the features, the wrinkles, the strange expression.

“Who, then?”

“Nicholas Lobov wrote to us, detailed his interaction with Smith. Told us about the plan for Smith’s capture, where he’s is being held.”

Levi froze in his tracks, gaped at Zakley. Anger. Again. “You’re staging a rescue mission based on the words of a traitor? A traitor who hates Erwin, who hates the Corps, who has every reason to want to lead us to our own destruction…”

“I have total faith in Lobov’s survival instinct. His compliance in this matter has guaranteed his transport to a more comfortable cell on the surface…a shorter sentence.” Zakley studied Levi behind his glasses. “Come now, I thought you were in a hurry.” He turned and continued forward, not waiting for Levi to follow.  Dok moved into Levi’s spot, engaged Zakley in whispered conversation.

Levi grit his teeth, clenched his fists but resolved himself to trail behind them. So, they were to trust in Lobov. The man responsible for Isabel and Furlan’s deaths. The man responsible for Yan’s death. So be it. If the information Lobov provided led to Erwin’s death as well…nothing would stop Levi from killing him, slashing him to ribbons, spilling his blood on the cold pavement of the underground. But just the idea that Erwin was still alive…that there was the slightest chance Levi would get the chance to see that stupid handsome face again…revived Levi, gave him new life, new purpose. 

He felt a presence at his side, looked up to see the tall blond, Eld, match his stride, his smooth face set in stone. “Tsk…what do you want?” Levi growled and Eld bristled at his tone.

“I just wanted to say…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything to you about the Commander. I just…I was afraid no one would. That you would be blindsided by it…You don’t have many friends in the capital, sir.”

“And why would you care about that?”

Eld shrugged. “Losing someone is hard enough. Not knowing what happened to them…that’s unbearable….” His face fell slightly as he avoided Levi’s eyes. “But I was wrong…and I caused you unnecessary pain. And for that, I’m sorry.”

Levi’s eyes widened in surprise. “You sure you’re an MP?”

Eld chuckled softly, kept his eyes straight forward. “That’s what they tell me.”

They continued on in silence, and after a moment, Zakley turned back to them. “Commander Dok will lead you to the armory, brief you on the details. I expect that you’ll follow him, Levi.”

Levi snorted but upon seeing the grave expression on Zakley’s face, he nodded. “Smith better be alive,” he said, and his eyes flashed dangerously, cold steel biting back at the Commander-in-Chief. “If Lobov’s wasted our times, if he’s lied to us, I won’t hesitate.”

Zakley smiled then, for the first time exposing crooked teeth. “I would expect nothing else.” He looked up at Nile, nodded, saluted. Dok saluted back and Zakley headed back to the King’s palace, not once looking back.

Once Zakley was far enough out of range, Dok whirled on Levi, teeth bared. “You’re lucky the Commander-in-Chief requested your freedom. If it had been up to me, you’d still be rotting in that cell. But as it stands…that decision was out of my hands.  So, this is what you’re going to do. You will follow orders. You will not act without my instruction. And you won’t forget that there are others of us here who have a vested interest in Erwin’s survival. Got it?”

“Your command is not my priority. I’ll obey as long as your directives lead to Erwin’s survival. Make a decision that jeopardizes that survival, and I’ll do what I have to do.” Levi snarled back. “We’re wasting valuable time arguing about this. Get on with it, will you?”

Levi sensed Eld stiffen at his side. Clearly, he was not used to Levi’s sharp tongue, his insubordination. Dok’s face hardened, turned bright red in anger. He opened his mouth to reply but Levi interrupted sharply. “I’ll obey, alright? But right now, we have to focus on Erwin…on getting him back. The time we spend arguing is wasted if we get to the underground and he’s already dead.”

And Dok’s right eyebrow shot up. He studied Levi for a moment before nodding. “Agreed. Follow me.”

As they hurried to the armory, Dok explained the plan. “The enemy has scouts in Ambrose’s brothel. A good strategy – the rooms and multiple levels make it easier for them to ambush, stage an attack. So, we have to be ready.”

“How many men do you have?” Levi questioned.

“At least 20. I can’t take my entire force and leave the King unprotected.”

Levi sneered, but attempted to hide his disdain. Fine. He knew his skills counted for at least five men, was confident he could singlehandedly cut through whatever force Ambrose had been able to compile.

“So, what? We surround the brothel, break in, bring them to their knees?”

“We don’t want to take any rash action that could move them to violence.”

“What then? Stand outside twiddling our thumbs, waiting for them to make the first move?”

“As far as we know, they aren’t aware of our attack. We’ll have the element of surprise either way.”

“As far as we know…it doesn’t concern you that the most important part of our plan rests on the shoulders of a known liar, and convicted traitor?”

Levi saw Dok’s hands clench in fists. “Of course, it concerns me. Just as it concerned me when Erwin brought a known street thug from the underground into the Survey Corps.” Levi bristled but Dok continued. “But one thing I’ve learned is that being concerned about Erwin Smith is often a fruitless past-time. He’s far more resilient than those who love him give him credit for.”

Dok’s eyes connected with Levi’s and a meaningful look settled over his features. Levi looked away, feeling awkward and exposed under the Commander’s gaze. “He’s too eager to get himself killed, if you ask me,” Levi spat and Dok actually laughed.

“So not much has changed then.”

Inside the armory, the MP’s resigned to duty were forcefully tugging on their equipment, buckling themselves into gear, expressions of annoyance and defiance on their faces. They looked up as Dok entered with Levi and Eld in tow. Dok stilled, saluted, his eyes sharp and narrowed.

The MP’s returned his salute but they eyed Levi warily, distrust evident in the way their lips curled, the way their eyebrows raised.

“At ease, soldiers.” Dok dismissed them before turning back to Levi and gesturing to the corner of the room and a wooden bench on which a set of maneuvering gear sat unclaimed. “Use these. They’ve already been inspected.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “How do I know you or your soldiers didn’t tamper with them?”

“Everyone here knows the only way to succeed is to have you fight alongside us.” Dok’s words stunned Levi. “The men loyal to me are loyal to Erwin. And I don’t trust you. But Erwin does. And though he may have a death wish, he’s not an idiot. We have to trust Erwin.”

 _Trust Erwin._ How many times had that same thought flickered through the recesses of Levi’s mind. _Trust Erwin. You have to trust Erwin._ He met Dok’s eyes again and nodded. Dok turned away, shot instructions over his shoulder. “Meet us out front once you’ve geared up. We’ll depart within the hour.”

As he buckled himself into the gear with which he had been provided, Eld stayed by his side. The larger man seemed to hum with anticipation, unable to keep still. He paced, his hands twitching at his sides. “Will you stop that?” Levi snapped and Eld’s eyes shot up, a warm hazel meeting the chilly gray. He nodded solemnly, attempted to pull himself together.

“I’m sorry…I…I’ve never been to the underground before. I don’t know what to expect.”

Levi stiffened. “Expect nothing but be ready for anything. You get your shit together and keep it together because if you don’t have your wits about you down there, you’ve become a liability.”

Eld’s eyes widened. Levi watched his Adam’s Apple bob in his neck as he swallowed. The nervous air around him made Levi uncomfortable. “Follow my lead and you’ll be fine,” he said in what he considered to be his most comforting tone. Eld forced a weak smile.

“Thank you, sir.”

Levi adjusted his belt, inspected the blades and once satisfied, he stood, readied himself for the departure. He eyed Eld warily. He couldn’t help but notice how the young MP stayed by his side rather than fraternizing with his fellow soldiers, how his eyes followed Levi’s every move, studying him, taking cues from him. “You ready?” he grunted.

Eld nodded but hesitated, a question wavering on his lips. “What is it?” Levi was impatient.

“Are…are you scared?”

Levi paused. He hadn’t thought about it, didn’t have time to feel fear. The possibility of seeing Erwin again, of being able to touch him, hold him, kiss him…it erased all fear, all doubts, all despair. But he supposed that, deep down, he was terrified. He had allowed himself the luxury of hope and in that way, had opened himself to the crushing blow of dejection should that hope be extinguished…should he lose Erwin again.

“No,” he said, hoping to convince both Eld and himself. “Fear is weakness. Let’s go.”

Standing amid the MP’s, Levi felt out of place, awkward, uneasy. The soldiers around him glared but wouldn’t get close. Fuck them. He didn’t need them to like them. He needed their compliance, the manpower they were able to produce. He needed them to get Erwin back and that was the extent of their usefulness. But Eld was close. So close, his shoulder was almost touching Levi’s. As though he was relying on Levi for strength. And though Levi wouldn’t admit it, it eased his mind to have someone beside him, someone drawing strength from him.

Nile was at the front, blathering on, his voice trailing off. Standing in front of a troop of soldiers, Nile Dok looked pitiable, foolish. He possessed none of the charm and power of Erwin Smith. Levi ignored his instructions, thinking instead of the underground, remembering the layout of Ambrose’s whorehouse, it’s interior and surroundings. He didn’t care about the words coming out of Commander Dok’s mouth. He would do what he had to do to ensure Erwin’s survival. And no one knew the underground better than he did.

 As they departed, Levi watched the faces of the MP’s around him shift from defiant scowls to apprehensive grimaces. Each looked panicked, pained, completely unprepared for what they were about to face. But Levi was ready. Confident. Prepared to do whatever was required of him.

When they reached the underground, Dok motioned for the group to split into two factions of ten and circle around the hovel holding Erwin and the others. Levi’s group went around the front and a chill rose up his spine seeing that unmistakable building sitting exactly where it always had, holding dark secrets, darker deeds. In a flash, he swore to himself he would not lose Erwin to this place as he had lost his mother. His hands tightened on his weapons and he breathed in deeply, smelled the shit, the stink, the decay. As the small troupe rounded the side of the building, his heart was pounding in his chest, in his ears, in his throat.

Dok’s group neared the back of the building, began to scale the roof, deigning not to use their gear for fear of being overheard and throwing off the element of surprise. Nile’s eyes met Levi’s and the Commander gestured for him to stay where he was. Levi’s blood boiled hot under his skin. He craned his head to chance a quick look into the window nearest him. And the sight stilled the pounding of his heart, stopping it in his chest. For a moment, he had to force down the wave of nausea and bile that rose to his throat.

Erwin. Alive. Battered, bruised, bleeding. But alive. He was bound to a chair in the center of the room, a blood stain and open tear on the left sleeve of his uniform near his shoulder. A grazed gun shot wound…non-fatal. Nanaba and Mike were on either side of Erwin, their hands bound, gags over their faces. Though they struggled, they seemed unable to move, unable to fight back. Levi watched as Green and Ambrose took turns slamming their fists into Erwin’s face, their elbows into his stomach, their boots into his groin. They were yelling at him, their words indecipherable. Erwin spat out blood several times, but his face remained stoic and unmoving. Green grabbed a hold of Erwin’s hair, forced his head back, bellowed. But Erwin didn’t respond. Levi almost moved then, only to realize the extent of the armed guard inside. At least six MP’s stood to either side of Mike and Nanaba. And at least 10 more were surveying the scene from the upper landing. And both Green and Ambrose held revolvers. Green’s was pointed at Erwin’s chest. Without warning, he slammed the butt into the side of Erwin’s head. And through the pane of glass that separated him from the scene, Levi could hear the sickening crack, see Erwin’s eyes droop, his head fall forward.

Levi’s hands clenched. His eyes searched for Dok, saw him climbing the roof, struggling not to use his gear. “Fuck this…” Levi said under his breath. He felt Eld’s anxious eyes on him, begging him not to do it.

And without warning, Levi slammed his elbow into the window and flung himself through the glass. He dived into the room, barely phased by the yells and the gun shots that rang out. He narrowly missed one bullet and then another, moving towards his enemies with such speed he himself felt like a blur. He heard Nile give the order, shout out and the MP’s loyal to him catapulted themselves through any and all openings – windows, skylights, doors, the roof itself. And all at once, all because of his impulsivity, a wild and chaotic skirmish broke out, engulfing them all.

Levi shot over to Mike and Nanaba, untied them, pulled the gags from their mouths.

“Good timing!” Mike slapped him on the back before kicking out and landing an MP on his back. Levi nodded and dove back into the fray, made his way back to Erwin. And stopped in his tracks. Green had his gun locked onto Erwin’s temple, his eyes only for Levi.

“Move and I’ll blow his brains all over the floor.” His eyes glimmered dangerously.

“You’re outnumbered.” Levi snarled.

“Then I have nothing left to lose!”

As blades flashed and fists flew behind him, Levi couldn’t take his eyes off Erwin’s unconscious form, the gun held to his head. But a slight shifting behind him, the floorboards creaking ever so slightly, alerted him to an impending attack and he whirled around, thrust his blade out…and ran it directly into the stomach of Charles Ambrose’s.

The whoremaster dropped the gun he had held in his hand. It clattered to the floor as Ambrose spat up blood, his hands grasping desperately at the fresh wound. “You fucking monster…” the words bubbled forth from his mouth, shooting out red droplets of bloody spittle. And the irony was not lost on Levi then – killing the man of who’s murder he had been accused…in the very same whorehouse in which his mother had taken her last breath. But he didn’t have time to absorb that small victory.  As Ambrose fell to the floor, Levi whirled around, dove at Green and tackled him to the ground.

The gun in Green’s hand went off, shot into the air as Levi wrestled with Green’s writhing form. He forcibly ripped the gun from Green’s hand, his fingers digging into the MP’s fist, unwrapping his fingers from their clutch. Green’s back was on the ground as Levi’s hips straddled over his chest, his blade pressed to Green’s throat.

“You fight so forcefully for him, Levi!” Green laughed, pinned under Levi’s weight. “It’s almost endearing…the love you have for your Commander…. but it’s something more than that, isn’t it? Something closer to worship…” With a forceful buck, Green knocked Levi back, landed a kick to his side and lunged toward him, his hands reaching for Levi’s throat. His teeth were bared as his let out a growl of anger. “Don’t you know how foolhardy your little indulgences are? You’ve made Commander Smith vulnerable, given his enemies something to attack, something to use against him!”

Levi kicked out, landing a blow to Green’s chest, knocking him back into a scrambling mess. Levi then sprang forward, his blade outstretched. As if he was expecting it, Green leapt to his feet, ducked and lashed out, knocking the blade from Levi’s hand. It skittered across the floor, just out of his reach. And Green was back on him pounding a first into the side of his face. The pain hardly registered in his desperation to wrench himself free from the Captain. “You are his weakness, Levi. As long as he believes you’re his, he’ll give up on his dreams to keep you safe. He’ll sacrifice more than just his life…he’ll give everything he has to protect you. You’ve doomed him.”

Levi forced himself to ignore Green’s words though they burned into his mind, chilled him to his core. Green’s arms reached out, took hold of Levi’s wrists and slammed them down as he pounced on top of Levi, forcing him to the floor. The fucker was stronger than he looked and with all his force, Levi wrenched his head up and slammed his forehead into Green’s. A resounding crack and Green yelled, fell backwards, his hands releasing Levi’s wrists to grasp at his wounded face. In his pained state, Green was distracted and Levi thrust out a leg, flipped their positions and elbowed Green sharply in the nose as a spurt of blood shot forth. “You don’t know anything about it!”

Green suppressed a cry. Judging from the look of the jagged cartilage and the blood that pooled in his mustache and down into his beard, his nose was broken. Through the blood that surged downward into his mouth, Green choked out, “Don’t I? It got him here, didn’t it? That drive to free you! To prove your innocence! Erwin Smith threw away all reason to protect you!”

Levi had had enough. He wound his hand back and slammed fist after fist into Green’s face until his eyes glazed back and he fell into unconsciousness.

As his hands stilled, the recesses of Levi’s mind churned and rattled with Green’s words. He slowly became aware of the battle coming to a hasty end around him. The MP’s under Dok had suffered minimal casualties with the element of surprise on their side. Most of the MP’s loyal to Green were rounded up and bound or dead. And to his relief, Levi saw that Nanaba, Mike, and Eld were all mostly unharmed. With a final fist to Green’s face, for good measure, Levi stood, rolled the bastard over on his back and bound his hands.

Dok was on him then, with an angry face and forceful hands. “What the FUCK were you thinking? Didn’t I tell you to wait for my command?” His fists were around the collar of Levi’s jacket, trembling with rage.

Levi knocked his hands away easily, the scowl marring his face etched deep into his features. “It worked didn’t it? We won! Are you really complaining about a victory just because it wasn’t you who called it?”

“It wasn’t your place to make that call!”

“And if Erwin had died because we’d waited too long? Would having his blood on your hands have been worth the chain of command?” Levi’s eyes were dangerous, his blood still pounding with adrenaline.

“Levi…” Erwin’s voice. Levi whirled around to see Erwin blinking, pulling at the ties that bound him with weak arms. Levi turned away from Dok then, approached Erwin and cut through the ties that held him immobile. Erwin nearly collapsed but Mike and Nanaba joined Levi at his side to assist in pulling him to his feet, slipping his arms around their shoulders.

Levi’s eyes flew back to Dok but the Commander had redeployed. He was moving now through his ranks, addressing his soldiers, commanding them to round up the traitors, bring them up to the surface for sentencing. As Dok and Eld scooped up the unconscious body of Captain Green and dragged him out the door, Levi felt a surge of pleasure to see a trail of blood left in his wake.

Gently, Nanaba and Mike moved towards the door, helped Erwin cross over the threshold. Levi watched them go, unmoving, feeling the sting of Green’s words…the fear that the traitor had been correct in his assessment…that Levi was the reason for this entire mess…the one thing in the world that would cause Erwin Smith to fall. Slowly, Dok and his MP’s trickled out of the whorehouse, leaving Levi alone to brood, to ponder, to muse.

As Levi scanned the wreckage, his eyes rested on the body of Charles Ambrose, eyes dead and unseeing, glazed over in death. Without the mustache, he was almost unrecognizable as the man who had bought and sold Levi’s mother, the man who was ultimately responsible for her death.  But Levi felt nothing seeing him lying there, blood pooled around the wound in his stomach. How many years had he longed for that sweet retribution of ending Ambrose’s life? How deeply had he desired to run a blade through his stomach, through the thick muscle of his neck? And now, it felt hollow, less like a victory than he had expected it would.

“He dead?” A voice behind him caused him to whirl around. He had thought himself alone but his eyes then came to rest on a woman, frail but beautiful. He could tell by the light wrinkles that were set on her face that she was older than he was, perhaps old enough to be his mother…or to have known her. Long red hair was plaited down her back and quiet, observant blue eyes bore into him.

Levi nodded. The woman didn’t show any emotion, her eyes resting on Ambrose’s crumbled, bloody form. Slowly, Levi was alerted to hesitant movement, doors creaking open, eyes peering out. His breath caught in his throat.

Soft voices, delicate features. So many of them reminded him of his mother.

The woman who had spoken first met Levi’s eyes. “What will we do now?”

He felt the weight of all of their stares now, heavy, pleading, desperate. Gruffly, he muttered, “Whatever you want. You’re free now. You won’t have Ambrose around to beat you, hurt you, sell you like livestock.”

She studied him. “You look like her, Levi.”

His breath hitched.

“Your mother,” she continued. “You have her eyes.  She would have been proud to see those wings on your back. To see the man you’ve become. The life you’ve made for yourself. It would have been her greatest pride in this world.”

Levi looked away from her, her stare becoming too much for him to bear.

“In this world, Levi, there are only two ways for a woman to leave the underground…a man or a body bag. For your mother, it was the latter. Without Ambrose to protect us, the rest of us have very few options. Soon, we’ll be overrun. Raped, starved, killed…or sold to worse than Ambrose…”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “I won’t let that happen.”

She raised an eyebrow. “And how will you prevent it? You’re not a man of the underground anymore, Levi. Your place is up there.” She pointed up with a thin finger and smiled gently.

Levi shook his head. “I’ll always belong to both worlds. And this will always be my home.”

“Yes, it will.” She said, a sadness settling over her faintly wizened features. “You still wear it on your heart, don’t you? The loss, the pain, the struggle to survive. Kuchel wouldn’t have wanted that for you.”

Levi assessed the women who had circled around him. He felt a responsibility for each and every one of them. “I’ll secure you passage to the surface. Help you make lives for yourselves there.”

He felt the air still, heard audible gasps, quiet murmurings. The woman in front of him eyed him warily. “And how will you do that?”

Levi straightened. “I’ll speak with my Commander. And it will be done.”

“Kuchel’s son…who’d have thought that as a man, he would return to be our savior?”

“I’m no one’s savior,” he said. “But I won’t abandon you.” He turned to go, wavered only a moment. “The next time we’ll meet, it will be above ground.”

And as he turned to go, he came face-to-face with what he thought for a moment was his mind’s manifestation of his younger self. Standing in the doorway, holding the hand of a dark-haired woman, was a young boy, no older than five or six. His eyes watched Levi from behind a hooded brow, and the intensity of his stare stole the breath from Levi’s lungs.

Being back in this place  had a chilled, haunting affect on Levi. But as he looked into the face of that little boy, saw himself reflected back, he felt a surge of purpose shoot through him. The significance of the promise he made grounded him to the earth. And gingerly, he slipped past the woman and her son, his heart pounding. And didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are coming together! Also, if you haven't had the chance to do so yet and want a little more Kenny action, check out my newest fic, A Monster. It's all about Kenny bringing Levi up in the underground. (Shameless plug, I know. Don't hate me for it!!)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :) Please let me know in the comments! 
> 
> Much love!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Green’s words resounded in his head. "You are his weakness, Levi. As long as he believes you’re his, he’ll give up on his dreams to keep you safe. He’ll sacrifice more than just his life…he’ll give everything he has to protect you. You’ve doomed him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! I couldn't wait any longer to post this chapter! 
> 
> So, exciting news! I got my tickets to the Season 3 World Premiere!!! Gah! July 10th can't come soon enough :) I'm seriously so excited!  
> (I'll be dressed up as Hange...because I'm THAT nerdy...)
> 
> So Chapter song is War of Hearts by Ruelle. I'm feeling good about this next arc. Hope you enjoy! I'm thinking I'll end Violent Desire with Chapter 11 - going into canon territory with the last part of the Beautiful Mess series (Dangerous Games). I'll keep you guys updated though!

Erwin had been admitted to the hospital immediately after their troop had emerged from the underground, had nearly collapsed onto the bed to which he had been assigned. Levi had followed behind as he always did, as if nothing had changed. But he knew…knew that _everything_ had changed. Levi was lost in the storm of his mind, a torrential downpour. On one hand, he wanted to be as close to Erwin as possible. On the other, he knew he needed to distance himself…to keep Erwin safe. As the doctors undressed Erwin, examined his wounds, the Commander seemed unsteady, weak, rattled.

Levi settled in the chair nearest his bed, watched him with narrowed eyes. He had been right about the wound on Erwin’s shoulder. He hadn’t been shot – the bullet had luckily only grazed him, blown right past him, though tearing through his shoulder in the process. His face was marred with bruises, cuts, swollen wounds. His chest was the same. Sporadic and random lesions and lacerations covered his body. But he was alive. 

Once they were alone, Erwin leaned back in the bed and turned his eyes to Levi. It was obvious he was exhausted and needed time to heal. But those eyes…those eyes begged Levi to stay. He reached out his hand. Levi paused, immobile, considering the implications…the consequences.

Green’s words resounded in his head. _You are his weakness, Levi. As long as he believes you’re his, he’ll give up on his dreams to keep you safe. He’ll sacrifice more than just his life…he’ll give everything he has to protect you. You’ve doomed him._

Normally, he would dismiss these words as the ramblings of a desperate animal trapped in a cage. But…Green had been right. Erwin had abandoned all reason, put himself in imminent danger…and it was all because of Levi.  

“Levi…” Erwin’s voice was hoarse, his eyes imploring, his hand grasping, seeking.

Levi met his hand but didn’t take it. He put it back on the bed, allowed his own hand to dwindle there atop Erwin’s for a moment before pulling back. “Do you have any idea how fucking stupid you are?” His voice was quiet but it brought a smile to Erwin’s bruised face nonetheless.

“And again, you come to my rescue, Levi.” He chuckled and Levi flushed angrily.

“Is this amusing to you, Erwin? Putting yourself in direct danger? You could have been killed…it was their plan to kill you…You’re not thinking…”

“I’m well aware of their plan, Levi. And I had everything under control…”

“It didn’t look like it from where I stood…” Levi snapped. Erwin’s eyes narrowed, and Levi sulked back into his chair and folded his arms over his chest.

“Don’t you trust me, Levi?” Erwin’s voice was gentle, and Levi rolled his eyes.

“I _had_ trusted you to know better than to willingly walk into your own demise.”

Erwin looked down at his lap, a small smile on his face. “There are much bigger things in this world than me, Levi. Much more important things…”

“Like what?” Levi snapped impatiently.

“Like you.” Erwin’s eyes met Levi’s and Levi’s stomach clenched seeing the sincerity reflected back in that sea of blue. “You have no idea how important you are to humanity’s survival, Levi.” Earnest candor slipped from Erwin’s lips and Levi scowled.

“Erwin, stop it. You’re being ridiculous.” His words were worrisome to Levi. He wanted so badly to believe that Erwin could be smart about this, could separate the reality of his situation from whatever feelings he had developed for Levi.

Erwin shook his head. “Aside from clearing your name, we’ve now sniffed out additional traitors amidst the ranks of the Military Police. I’m sure you see the importance of doing so…Green will most likely hang for his treason.”

“There will be more. It won’t end here.”

 “Of course not. As long as the Survey Corps continues to challenge the established order, as long as Lobov wants me dead…and will pay for it…traitors will continue to spring up like weeds.”

Levi paused. “Lobov’s the reason you’re still alive, Erwin.” Erwin’s eyes darted to Levi’s, incredulity frank and openly displayed. “He wrote to Zakley…told him about your conversation. Told him where you were. The bastard played both sides…and came out on top again. Zakley is securing him imprisonment above ground.”

Erwin seemed lost in thought, his eyes flickering darkly. “Yes…that makes sense. Of course, Lobov would side with whatever team seemed more likely to win the game.”

“You’re not surprised?”

“Lobov cares for one thing above all others – himself. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets out early on good behavior…or well-placed friendships.”

Levi sulked back into himself, his brow hooded and dark. Life on the surface was incredibly frustrating to him. Here, words, friendships, loyalties…those were the things that got one far in life, gained one power. Below the surface, power begot power. Pretty words would only get you killed and loyalties were often overturned.

The underground…the promise he had made…

“Erwin…” He wasn’t sure how to bring it up, his stomach flipped thinking about it, but he forced through the discomfort as Erwin’s eyes studied him gently. “I killed Ambrose. With my own hand. He’s dead.”

Erwin nodded, an almost malicious smirk turning the corners of his mouth. “Glad to hear it.”

“But…it’s not finished.” He cursed himself for his clumsiness. Talking about this was not easy. Especially not talking about it with Erwin. “Ambrose has left behind a group of women…women like my mother…” Levi felt Erwin’s eyes watching him stumble over the words, a flush creeping into his cheeks. “They have nowhere else to go and I promised them I would help them secure passage above ground.”

“Of course.” Levi’s eyes snapped to Erwin’s face and the look on the Commander’s face set his heart aflame. There was no hesitation there, no questions asked. “I’ll see to it that they do.”

Levi caught his breath, felt his heart beat resume its normal pace. “Thank you, Erwin.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Erwin’s eyelids were dropping, his body shivering with fatigue.

Levi stood. “Rest, Erwin. We don’t need you keeling over from exhaustion.”

“Levi…”

He froze. Knew what Erwin would ask…was unsure of his own strength to resist.  _Erwin Smith threw away all reason to protect you._

“Not tonight, Erwin. You need sleep.” He didn’t look up, couldn’t meet those soft blue eyes. And with all the force he could muster, he removed himself from the room.

* * *

 

The days passed slowly but Levi refused to go to Erwin, an action he was sure had both confused and concerned the Commander. But he couldn’t do it, couldn’t face him…Green’s words replayed through his head. And just knowing Erwin was alive was enough to keep Levi still, keep him fighting.

Eld had approached him the day after they returned from the underground and asked Levi to train with him.  For an MP, Eld was surprisingly humble, open to instruction, willing to learn and adapt. He was quick, smart, strong. And Levi grew fond of him…in his own way. Eld was constantly watching Levi, studying him. Levi was amused to see him try a backwards grip, right blade turned around in his hand. He seemed awkward and uncertain at first, but slowly, seemed to acclimate to the change.

It was two days into their return that Levi was made aware of Erwin’s release from the hospital. Of their impending return to Trost. Mike found Levi and Eld on the training field behind the MP headquarters. “Erwin’s been asking for you,” he said, and Levi’s eyes narrowed.

“What’s he want?”

“I would assume to speak with you. Or to see you. Hell, Levi. What’s it matter? Why’ve you been avoiding him?” Mike seemed concerned. Not a good look for him.

“Tsk...” Levi hissed, sheathing his blades. “I’m not avoiding him. He’s so dramatic.”

Mike put a hand on his shoulder. “Just go see him, will you?”

“Fine,” he shot and the look on Mike’s face softened slightly.

“Levi…if this is about the underground…about all that shit Green was saying…”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do. And I think you’re avoiding Erwin because of it.” Mike’s eyes were beseeching and if it were anyone else, Levi might have sloughed them off, ignored them, retorted in anger.

“I’m not – “

“Look, it doesn’t matter...you don’t have to confirm or deny it. But Erwin’s been…different since you’ve been around…calmer, more focused. Erwin needs you…and the Corps needs Erwin. So, do us all a favor…and whatever you’re doing, cut it out, yea?”

Levi cocked an eyebrow, shrugged and pulled away from Mike. What did he know about it anyway? As he stalked towards the palace, he attempted to calm the pounding of his heart in his chest.

Standing outside Erwin’s door, his hand hesitated on the handle. He decided to knock instead, the resounding thump of his fist reverberating through his mind, echoing down the hall.

“Come in.” Erwin’s voice from within. Levi steeled himself and turned the handle, stepped into the room. Erwin’s back was to the door, he was bent over the desk in the corner, signing his name to a document with a single fluid stroke. He glanced over his shoulder at Levi’s entrance and paused.

“Good morning, Captain.”

“Tsk…” Levi rolled his eyes, crossed his arms.

“I was just preparing the paperwork for your promotion. It should be in Zakley’s hands before we depart for Trost in a few hours.” Erwin turned fully and leaned against the desk, his eyes studying Levi, taking him in, making him uncomfortable.

“So, it’s settled then,” Levi’s voice was low, and Erwin nodded. “Guess I can’t back out now.”

Erwin chuckled. “I would prefer that you didn’t.” He paused a moment. “Though I expect this announcement will be met with some resistance…”

Levi scoffed. “Nile?”

“He was less than pleased with your actions during the raid in the underground.”

Levi was silent, placid and cool. He wasn’t afraid of Nile Dok.

The Commander shifted where he stood, his face etched in stone. Levi noticed that the bruises had changed in hue and pigment since he had last seen Erwin. They had evolved from a yellow green to a dark purplish brown, painting Erwin’s face in a spectrum of color. “He told me you ignored his direct orders…that you were insolent and disobedient. That you humiliated him in front on his subordinates.”

Levi smirked. “He would say that.”

“Levi…”

“He was wasting time, trying to scale the building without using his gear. And Green had his gun pointed at your head…I’m not going to follow orders that don’t make sense.” Erwin’s face was serious now. He nodded solemnly.

“No. Of course not.” Erwin shook his head, crossed his arms in front of his expansive chest, attempting to hide the ghost of a smile that flickered over his features. “He’s not going to be happy about your appointment, nonetheless.”

“What’s he going to do about it, then?” Levi snapped.

“I don’t imagine he’ll do much. Complain to Zakley most likely…express his displeasure. But I’m not worried about that. It seems you’ve won the favor of the Commander-in-Chief, Levi.” Levi raised a suspicious eyebrow and Erwin continued. “He came to see me after we returned from the unground and filled me in on his conversation with you…He told me he found you…how did he put it? _Unexpectedly refreshing.”_

“Tsk…” Levi clicked his throat.

Erwin stood and for a moment, moved to the side of the desk, gestured to the piece of paper he had signed. “Would you mind signing this for me? I’ll need your signature for the appointment to be final.”

Levi moved closer, bent over the desk, scrawled his name quickly, feeling Erwin’s eyes burning into his back. As he straightened, he glanced back, met those inquisitive blue eyes. “Will that be all, then?”

A strange expression wavered over Erwin’s face. “Not quite.” He stepped towards Levi, their chests so close, they were almost touching. “I thought you would appreciate knowing I’ve secured transport to the surface for the women formerly under Ambrose’s employ.”

Levi’s eyes widened. Erwin continued. “They’ll be brought to Trost district, given safe haven in a women’s shelter until they can obtain suitable housing on their own. And I’ve personally secured employment for them in the manufacturing district. It’s nothing spectacular but it’s a step to securing their freedom from that life.”

Levi wanted to throw his arms around Erwin, wrap his fingers around his neck, pull him into a passionate embrace. The kindness was overwhelming. He had come through on his promise. Levi knew he shouldn’t be surprised but it felt so foreign. “Erwin…thank you…”

Erwin’s face was humble, sincere. “I know how much it means to you. I’m happy to help.”

Levi swallowed, his hands twitching at his sides. He was unsure what to say, how to thank him.  He was speechless and gaping. Tenderly, Erwin slipped a hand under his chin, forcing his face upwards, compelling his eyes to meet Erwin’s.

 “Did you know your friend, Eld, has requested a transfer to the Survey Corps?”

Stunned silence. Levi hadn’t known. Eld hadn’t mentioned it. Levi squirmed under Erwin’s cool gaze. “You’ve made quite the impression, Captain. I can’t say I’m surprised…But it is remarkable.” He reached out, gently ran a hand up the back of Levi’s neck to settle in his hair. A chill shot up Levi’s spine at Erwin’s proximity. Desire burned hot in the back of his throat. So badly he wanted to lean into Erwin, to pull those lips down to his own.

“Where have you been, Levi?” Erwin’s voice was thick with want. He had backed Levi up against the desk. His fingers trailed down Levi’s body, slipped under the belt of his harness, preventing him from pulling away.

“Erwin…stop…” Levi struggled to force those feeling back, forced himself to be stronger than his yearning as Erwin nuzzled into his neck, laid soft kisses on his exposed skin, ignoring his protests. _You’re his weakness…You’ve doomed him._

“Erwin, stop!” Hands on fire, Levi forced Erwin back, only to feel the cold chill of his absence. Erwin’s eyes were wide in shock, reflecting pain, distress, rejection. His hands fell away from Levi’s waist.

“Levi…what…”

“You can’t be serious, Erwin. After what just happened…after everything you put us through…you really think we can keep going like this? You think I _want_ to keep going like this?” He made his tone harsh, abrasive, cutting and cruel.

Erwin straightened as he observed Levi. “I didn’t realize your feelings had changed?”

“Well they did, alright? Time behind cell bars will do that to a person.” His words stung Erwin, he could tell. The Commander’s strong hands trembled at his sides. But his expression chilled as he straightened.

“Very well then. Levi, I apologize that I’ve overstepped.”

Levi felt a pain so sharp in his chest, he almost couldn’t ignore it. But his face remained outwardly impassive, unsympathetic. “We don’t have the time nor the luxury to play these pathetic little games anymore. You’re the Commander, Erwin. So, start acting like it.”

Erwin gaped, then drew his lips into a tight-lipped scowl. He moved back to his desk, avoided Levi’s eyes. “You’re dismissed, Levi.”

Levi turned and left Erwin’s room, his heart in his throat. So be it. He had hurt Erwin to save him. He couldn’t allow himself to become the one thing that could ruin Commander Erwin Smith. He loved him too much for that.

Once they were back in Trost, life in the Corps resumed its usual tedium. But everything was different. Within the first few days of being back in Trost, the civilian expedition beyond the walls departed. Erwin had ordered Levi and the rest of the officers to see them off. The air was fraught with tension and despair. Levi couldn’t stop the shaking of his hands as he watched the old, the young, the weak and the down-trodden pour out the gates of Trost into Titan territory. Erwin was by his side, present and yet somewhere else entirely. The Scouts held their salute, watching the trembling forms disappear beyond the wall’s safety to be enveloped by the dangerous world of Wall Maria.

Only days before, Levi had approached Erwin in his office, their first meeting since their conversation in the King’s palace. Levi had demanded to be a part of the expedition, told Erwin that he would go without his permission if he had to. Erwin had, as expected, forbidden it. And though Levi had threatened, he knew he would not really disobey Erwin’s orders. The expression of pain in the Commander’s eyes when he dismissed Levi made his knees feel weak. It seemed to him that Erwin was unsure of how to exist in Levi’s presence. So, Levi did what he could to keep some semblance of normalcy. He disobeyed, talked back, spent time pestering Erwin and questioning his decisions. And for a while, it seemed to work. The two men fell back into line, back into order, though the heat and desire in Erwin’s eyes never fully went away. And the pain in Levi’s chest every time he glimpsed Erwin’s yearning stare or his trembling hands remained, flaring stronger than ever.

Within a week of the expedition’s departure, word spread that the civilians were already on their way back, forcing a retreat from a failed mission with only a hundred or so survivors in tow. The news crushed the morale of the Survey Corps and set Levi to brooding and grumbling more often than normal. He did his best to observe Erwin’s expressions, to understand what he was thinking, what he was making of it all – of the devastation inflicted by the royal government. But Erwin’s face was a stoic mask, an impenetrable shield, hiding conflicted emotions Levi knew were concealed within. As the small, broken, weary, and desolate troupe returned from beyond the Walls and made their way through Trost District, they were met with no happy homecoming, no proud repatriation. The only greetings they received were wailings, cries, horrified mothers, fathers and children seeking out loved ones lost to the titans, never to return. Levi had decided to watch the return in person like the fucking glutton for punishment he was. It had been a gruesome sight, one that would stay with him until the day he died.

He watched as a child, who could have been no older than twelve, rushed through the crowd, tears in his eyes, calling out for his grandfather…his fucking grandfather. Levi’s stomach churned. The child was nearly run over by the oncoming group of civilians. It was as if they didn’t see him, blind to his grief, deaf to his tears. The boy grasped tightly to a wide brimmed straw hat, clutching it to his chest. “Grandpa? Grandpa? Excuse me, have you seen my grandfather?” But he was ignored, shuffled past, pushed out of the way to fall into a huddled mass on the fringe of the crowd, left alone to his quiet tears.

“Where is my son? My son Wynn? Wynn Rose!” A man rushed through the crowd, grasping at the collars of officers and civilians alike. Wynn Rose. Levi recognized the name. An officer in the Scout Regiment, one of the ten chosen by Commander Erwin Smith to participate in the expedition. A fine soldier. Clearly missing in the sea of faces.  The man, who so resembled Wynn, fell to the ground, head in his hands, only to be pushed aside, passed over. A clenching pain settled in Levi’s chest. He noticed the lack of Survey Corps soldiers overall…had any of the ten returned?

And that night, Levi had gone to Erwin’s office. To rile him up, to complain, to criticize or nag…he wasn’t sure what his purpose had been. Only that he, in his own veiled weakness, wanted to be with Erwin.

His unannounced entrance into Erwin’s office didn’t seem to startle the Commander in the least. He looked up as Levi stepped over the threshold and an almost imperceptible smile filtered over his features, though he didn’t say anything, turned back to the paperwork over which he was pouring. Levi approached the window to the left of Erwin’s desk, looked out over the dark and empty training grounds. After a moment of contemplative silence, Levi spoke.

“The civilian expedition returned today.”

He heard the continued scratch of Erwin’s pen. “So, I heard.”

“It was an annihilation, Erwin.”

“We knew that it would be.” Erwin’s frank tone maddened Levi. He turned around to look at Erwin. His attention drew the Commander from his scrawling. Blue eyes met steel.

“Less than a hundred survivors. And few, if any, Scouts made it back.”

Erwin nodded. “It’s an unfortunate tragedy. Their sacrifice will not go unremembered.”

Levi stormed over to Erwin’s desk and slammed his hands down in front of the Commander, his eyes boring directly into him. “Don’t use that bullshit on me, Erwin. It may work on Zakley, on the nobles…but don’t you dare use it on me.”

Erwin leaned back, studying Levi’s face. “What would you have me say, Levi? The deed is done. The lives are lost. The government got what it wanted. The population crisis, the food shortage…those concerns are no more.”

Levi grit his teeth, looked away. “You’re starting to talk like them…”

“Why are you here, Levi?” The question resounded in Levi’s head. His eyes snapped back to Erwin’s face.

“I thought that was obvious.” _I wanted to be near you, to seek your comfort, to hear your voice._

Erwin scoffed under his breath. “I suppose…after everything that happened…that nothing you do is obvious to me anymore. I had thought you might avoid me…”

Levi shook his head. “You’re the Commander.”

“That I am.”

“And I respect you.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow. “Do you?”

“Tsk…” Levi rolled his eyes. “Not like there’s anyone else here I’d want to spend my time with. They’re all lunatics and weirdos…You’re the sanest one of the bunch.”

Erwin smiled then, sending a ripple of heat up Levi’s spine and into his appendages. “I’ll take it…if it means being given the pleasure of your company…In whatever way you would allow. I’ll take it.”

Levi shuffled back over to the window, his arms crossed. The sustained eye contact was too much for him to bear. He heard the scratch of Erwin’s pen start back up, resume its steady pace against the wood grain of his desk.

“I’ve noticed you’ve taken to assembling your squad.” Erwin’s voice cutting through the silence caused Levi to turn back, eye him warily. “Eld was an obvious choice.”

Levi nodded. “He’s talented. A little too eager…but driven.”

As Erwin had originally mentioned to Levi, the first task of being the one and only Survey Corps Captain was assembling a task force, a squad of sorts. And Eld had found a place there as Levi’s second in command. While observing training exercises and hand-to-hand combat, Levi’s eyes had also fallen on two Survey Corps veterans, one Gunther Shulz and Franz Borgia. Both were extremely skilled and capable. Both were natural additions to what the Scouts started calling “Squad Levi.”

“Gunther and Franz were good choices as well.” Erwin acquiesced. “Though, I’m sure you’ve noticed that Franz is rather impulsive on the field. You’ll want to watch that.”

It was Levi’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “You study the members of Hange’s squad this closely too? Or Nanaba’s?”

Erwin laughed. “Of course. What sort of Commander would I be if I wasn’t fully aware of the strengths and weaknesses of all those under my command?”

“Fine then. And yes, I’ve noticed. We’ve discussed it. And will continue to do so until it’s nipped in the bud.”

“That’s good.” Erwin paused thoughtfully. “I have no doubt that you’re well suited to lead, Levi. ‘Squad Levi’ will prove its worth tenfold.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Don’t call it that.”

“Why not? It gives the men purpose. Fighting under you…you know they’ve all come to respect you. They’re all deigning for a chance to join your Squad.”

“Erwin…” He noticed then that Erwin had gotten to his feet, moved closer to him by the window. Close enough to touch but refusing to do so. Erwin’s eyes were watching him, tender and sincere. There was longing there. But also fear. Fear of rejection? Of humiliation? Of a backlash?

“You give them hope…You give me hope.”

Levi prepared to move away but Erwin didn’t touch, didn’t break. “For now, that’s good enough…” The Commander’s voice was quiet, full of a yearning that was almost dangerous in their close proximity to one another. He paused for a moment, then, “The brass is funding an expedition.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “So soon after the civilian’s return?”

Erwin nodded and Levi growled, “What’s the objective?”

“To do what the failed civilian expedition could not. We’ll work to push into Wall Maria and secure it. Clean out the titans.”

“We’re a second wave…they’re sending us out to meet the same fate.” Levi fumed.

Erwin placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and Levi shivered under his touch. The first time they had touched since their interaction in Mitras. “We won’t meet the same fate. We’ll prove our worth…”

“I hope you’re right.” Levi dared to believe in his Commander.

As Erwin had predicted, expedition after expedition, Squad Levi did, indeed, prove its worth. Though there were only four of them, they worked like a cohesive team, four parts of a functioning, living and breathing body. His subordinates’ obedience and trust in Levi’s commands kept them alive, made them an invaluable asset to the Corps.

And during the weeks that followed, Commander Erwin Smith’s reputation of prominence grew as the Survey Corps took success after success. They continued to bring home news of minimal losses and great strides towards reclaiming the wall and clearing out the titans that had broken through. Erwin was praised by the nobles and beloved by the common folk – slowly but surely becoming the savior of the Walls. With Captain Levi always at his side, _Humanity’s Strongest Soldier._ And in time, the people began to hope again. Began to regain their faith in the Scout Regiment. It was a transformation. And one that was not only boosting their recruitment efforts but also their funding.

Erwin attended meetings and banquets in the Capital often, leaving the training and guidance of the Corps in Squad Leader Hange’s hands. In Erwin’s absence, Hange often insisted that Levi assist with training exercises and drills due to his fame and notoriety amongst the ranks. He was feared and respected by the recruits and veterans alike. It was a different kind of respect than he was used to, than he had experienced in the underground. It felt firm, unbreakable…revered and resilient. And though he hated to admit it, it felt good to train, to teach, to protect.

Hange, though annoying and persistent, was unreasonably perceptive. And despite himself, Levi felt a sort of fondness developing. She was smart and useful, with an inquisitive mind and strong survival instincts. In a way, she reminded him of Erwin…and in the Commander’s absence, she was an acceptable surrogate. She often found him when he didn’t want to be found, tracked him down when he had attempted to make himself untraceable within the walls of the Survey Corps base.

“You should know by now that you can’t hide from me,” she would laugh and though he would feign exasperation and impatience, it felt good to have someone by his side, someone with whom his relationship was uncomplicated and simple. Like his friendship with Mike and Nanaba, Levi’s relationship with Hange slowly became something precious to him, something worthy of his protection, despite the minor annoyances it often caused him.

She would often ask to study him, to watch him maneuver, to see his grip and his attacks up close and though he attempted to fight her off, it was usually easier to give in and allow her to do what she wanted. She was persistent. After one particularly daunting and exhausting day of training exercises, Levi had thought himself capable of outsmarting her by disappearing into the men’s bathhouse, wherein females were strictly prohibited. But hearing her voice echoing from outside, he bristled. “Hey, you in there, shorty?”

“Fucking Four-eyes. What do you want?” He growled.

“I’m coming in. Are you alone?” The mania and determination in her tone set him to panicking, covering himself frantically with whatever towels were nearby.

“You are NOT.” He hoped the veiled threat was clear to her, though he doubted it.

Hange was the one person in the Corps who had never regarded him with an edge, approached him with caution. She peeked her head around and upon seeing Levi standing alone, she smiled and entered. “Ooh I’ve never been in here before!” She gawped. “Not all that exciting I guess….Looks pretty similar to the women’s…”

“Hange, GET OUT.”

Her large gold-brown eyes flickered to him then and widened. “Levi…those muscles…Can I...?”

“Absolutely not.” He stepped just out of her reach as she extended her greedy hands out towards him. “You’re not supposed to be in here…what are you thinking?”

She smirked. “Oh, nobody’s going to mind. Rules were made to be broken, right? Besides most of the Corps has to second guess my gender anyway…” She winked at him and he scowled, pulled his towel tighter against himself.

“Hange!” He growled, and she jumped slightly. “Do you actually need something? Or did you just follow me in here to see what I look like naked?”

She flushed then and giggled. “Oh yes…Sorry. I got a little distracted by _all of this_ …” She gestured to his chest and his eyes narrowed sharply. “So…Mike…”

“What about him? This seriously couldn’t wait?” He felt tired and exasperated all at once.

“I had to corner you…I know how you can be” She grinned, threw an arm around his naked shoulders which he shucked off immediately. She continued undeterred nonetheless. “Nanaba and I, as well as some of the officers, are taking Mike on the town tonight…in honor of his promotion. It’s a surprise and we really think he would like it if you would be there.”

Mike’s promotion. It was the natural state of things that someone as talented as Mike would be promoted to Squad Leader. It was a long time coming. And Levi did like Mike. And in his current state, he felt a bit more vulnerable than he wanted to admit.

“Sounds like something that could have waited until after I was showered and fully dressed.”

“Of course, it could have waited! But I’ve been dying to see what kind of gears and machinery you have hiding under your uniform for years!”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I’ll go, alright? Now do you mind?”

Mike was, in fact, happy to see Levi. Surprised even. More surprised at Levi’s presence than by the night on the town. He clapped Levi on the shoulder, slugged a beer into Levi’s hand and clanked his own mug up against it. “Glad you’re here, Captain! We’ve been hoping for this for a while!”

Nanaba, at Mike’s side, beamed at Levi, a smile on her demure features. Gelgar and Ness had joined them as well. The six of them crowded around a standing wooden table at a favorite Survey Corps establishment, just on the other side of Wall Rose, The Talking Titan. Hange’s shoulder was pressed up against Levi’s and her beer sloshed, spilling on his jacket.

“Fuck! Watch it, Shitty Glasses!” He warned but she just giggled.

“It’s so weird to see you outside of headquarters. You take your duty too seriously, Levi!” Hange playfully strung her arm around his waist and put her head on his shoulder.

“That said of a reformed thug would seem a compliment,” Levi growled.

“Oh Levi, you’re so much more than that! Though you do your best to hide it!” Her cheeks were reddening after only a marginal alcohol intake. “We all see it! Erwin sees it!”

It was Levi’s turn to flush then.

Hange hiccupped. “Erwin misses you, you know.” He grabbed a hold of Hange’s shoulder and wrenched her around to face him.

“Did he say something to you?” he snapped, and she tittered excitedly, falling out of his reach.

“No…should he have?” Her eyebrows raised behind her glasses and he scowled at her.

“Well whatever you think you know is wrong…” He sulked, drawing his arms across his chest.

“It’s not that he needed to tell me, Levi. It’s written all over his face.” Levi glared sidelong at her, his face still pointing forward. “He’s always looking at you. This pitiful puppy dog look…”

“You need to get your glasses checked, four eyes.”

“I think you miss him too.”

“You keep your mouth shut about it,” he retorted, and she put up her hands in mock surrender.

“Fine, fine. I’m just saying maybe if you two spent more time together, you’d both look less miserable. Though…I doubt even that would help you…it’s just your face now isn’t it?”

He kicked her playfully in the ass and she scampered away, chuckling.  He watched her go. She wasn’t wrong. He _had_ felt Erwin’s eyes on him. And though he hadn’t been avoiding him per say, the tension between them was palpable. They were hardly alone together. Hadn’t been since the night of the civilian expedition’s return so many weeks ago.

Mike moved closer to Levi as Hange and Nanaba picked up conversation. “Thanks for being here, Levi. I know social situations aren’t your favorite…”

“That’s an understatement…” Levi scoffed and Mike chuckled.

“But it’s good to have you around. We’ve all been through a lot. But we’ve been through it together.” Levi followed Mike’s line of vision to see it land on Nanaba. He was almost always looking at her, watching her, protecting her from near or from afar. Nanaba had a subtle way of changing Mike…softening his harshness, dulling his sharp edges. “To be honest, Levi…I’m terrified…” He turned back to look at Levi and, in his eyes, Levi could see a glimmer of trepidation, of anxious energy.

Levi studied him. “Why?”

“Being a Squad Leader has been my dream since I entered the Corps…Leading new recruits, helping them fight, giving them courage. But for the first time in my life, I know what I stand to lose…when I die…” His voice shook. He pulled his mug to his lips and swallowed hard.

Levi’s eyes narrowed watching him. “Mike, you’re one of the best soldiers in the Corps. You’re not going to die…”

Mike laughed. “You know better than that, Levi.” He met Levi’s eyes meaningfully. “The Corps will claim us all eventually. And with us, all our hopes and dreams. All the things we love. All the memories of who we were.”

He looked back at Nanaba and she, cognizant of his gaze, peered up and smiled at him. The look was so loving, so tender, Levi almost had to look away, afraid he was viewing a moment not meant for his eyes, a brief yet passionate moment hidden in plain sight.

“So, what do we do with that knowledge?” Levi asked, his voice low.

“We live.” A lusty, sweltering desire burned behind Mike’s eyes. “We fight. We give everything to this life and hold nothing back. That’s what I intend to do.” He turned back to Levi once more. “I hope you’ll do the same, Levi. Nothing else matters. This life’s so short. So, don’t waste it.” And then he moved across the room, scooped Nanaba in his arms and kissed her with a forceful passion that seemed out of place in the current environment.

Hange, Ness and Gelgar cheered, raising their mugs in the air. “To Squad Leader Mike! To Zacharias!” Gelgar bellowed, his deep voice reverberating around the bar. Levi watched but didn’t toast, didn’t drink. He was lost in thought, Mike’s words resonating in his mind. _Don’t waste it._

“Good evening, Captain.” That deep, rich voice nearly shot him out of his skin, sent a carnal current down his spine into the tips of his fingers. He whipped around, almost spilling the beer from the mug in his hand.

“Didn’t know you’d returned, Commander.”

Erwin smiled. “I just got back a few hours ago. I wanted to be here for Mike’s celebration…Though I must say, I’m a little surprised to see you. Didn’t think this kind of thing was your taste.”

“Tsk…” Levi scoffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

At that moment, Mike howled out Erwin’s name and raced toward him, throwing his arms around Erwin’s broad shoulders. “You made it!”

Erwin laughed. “I wouldn’t have missed it, Mike. Come, let me get you all another round!”

More cheers echoed around the house as Erwin gently laid a few glittering coins upon the bar and gestured to the barkeep to bring forth another round. As seven more mugs were set down on the table in front of him, Levi scowled. Erwin settled near him, watching the merriment, listening as Gelgar and Ness began singing a cheerful bar song. Levi watched Erwin out of the corner of his eye, observing his quiet smile, the subtle glimmer in his eyes. Being in Erwin’s presence was uncomfortable, almost painful. Like an itch he couldn’t scratch.

After a moment of silence, Erwin spoke without looking at Levi. “Your Squad has been performing exemplarily. I don’t need to tell you that the brass is impressed.”

Levi shifted his weight, watching Erwin, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “And…?”

Erwin laughed out loud. “There is no ‘and.’ You’ve made quite the impression. Everyone seems to want a piece of you…” He paused and turned to look at Levi. The expression he wore…it was an odd one. One Levi hadn’t seen often before. “I’m sure you’re aware that the 101st training class is graduating within the week. There is hope within the nobility that you might attend that drive at my side.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “Me?”

Erwin nodded. “The recruits have been asking for you. I wonder if your presence might buy us a more plentiful harvest.”

Levi scoffed. “That’s one way to put it.”

“The people believe in us again, Levi. The Scouts have a renewed faith in our vision. Can you feel it?” There was a rich tenor to his voice and at once, Levi recognized that look – it was a look of pure optimism. “It’s because of you.”

Levi shivered under his gaze. _We live. We fight. We give everything to this life and hold nothing back. That’s what I intend to do._ _I hope you’ll do the same, Levi. Nothing else matters. This life’s so short. So, don’t waste it._

 “You’ll come with me, won’t you?”

Levi sighed. “As long as there’s no banquet attached to it.”

Erwin smiled. “Not this time.”

“Fine then.”

Mike bellowed their names and beckoned them over. A circle of singing and bawdy, swaying movement was standing on the floor, arms woven over arms, sides pressed against sides. Erwin grabbed a mug of beer from atop the table and then held out a hand to Levi. “Shall we?”

Hesitantly, Levi took his hand. Ripples of an electric current shot through Levi’s body at Erwin’s touch. As Erwin pulled him towards the throng of carousers, Mike caught Levi’s eye and nodded, smiled. _Don’t waste it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love Hange. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed - we'll pick up the pace in Chapter 9...Let me know what you think!
> 
> Until next week, much love!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!! I am going to be seeing the Season 3 World Premiere in less than 5 days!!! And on top of that, Chapter 107 was released this week as well! It's been coming out a very SNK week and I love it!
> 
> So...with this chapter comes a change to my rating. We've moved into explicit territory. Just a forewarning in case any of you are disinclined to read smut...I was one of you not too long ago. Oh how the times have changed...
> 
> Chapter song is Woke the Fuck Up by Jon Bellion. I am a big fan of the acoustic version - listening to it non-stop. It's seriously the perfect song for this chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Back to Mitras. Levi glowered impatiently at the thought. The recruitment ceremony would be followed by a night’s stay in the capital, housed in the Military Police headquarters and this time it would be just Levi and Erwin, much to Levi’s chagrin. As they loaded into the carriage, Erwin’s hand brushed against Levi’s, sending shockwaves through Levi’s body and raising his temperature more than a few degrees. This was going to be a long ride. 

Seating himself opposite Erwin, Levi gazed out the window, his head slumped into the palm of his hand, his legs crossed, his foot tapping anxiously. 

“You seem…agitated.” Erwin was watching him. Levi could feel his gaze though he did his best to avoid meeting it. 

“Of course I am. I fucking hate the capital.”

Erwin’s smile flashed brilliantly, all white teeth and high cheekbones.  “Well, I very much appreciate your company. Thank you for coming with me, Levi.”

The earnest set of Erwin’s face bore into Levi and he flinched under the gaze. He had such a way of doing that – of using sincerity to rile Levi, to make him uncomfortable. It irritated Levi to no end. 

Levi did his best to avoid Erwin’s eyes. Being so close to him, alone with him…it hurt, caused a grating in his heart, a pain in his lungs. He felt he could burst with the tension that hung thick in the air around them. And yet Mike’s words rang in his ears.  _ Don’t waste it.  _ Fucking Mike. He wasn’t even here and yet his words had settled in Levi’s mind, a constant reminder of that which he was denying himself.

“Levi…” Erwin’s voice broke that silence, drawing Levi’s attention. As if unsure how to begin, Erwin leaned forward, put his head in his hands. “I’ve missed you.”

Levi watched the man in front of him. Watched him struggle with whatever feelings were flowing through the recesses of his mind. “I know.”

Erwin’s eyes flashed to Levi’s face and he almost laughed. “You know?”

“You’ve hardly taken your eyes off me the past few months. Still obsessed with me, are you?” He allowed the hint of a smirk to play at the corners of his lips and saw the same expression reflected back to him on Erwin’s face. 

“I doubt that will ever change.” Levi felt his stomach clench. 

“Yea well, I’m not the only one who’s noticed either. You need to be less transparent, Smith…”

Erwin chuckled. “Hange doesn’t count, Levi.”

“And what happens when it’s someone other than Hange? When it’s Zakley or Dok? You told me once that I would be your undoing…” Levi’s voice was low though his heart was pounding in his chest. Erwin’s eyes were on his lips. “I refuse that burden, Erwin. I refuse to be the reason you fall apart.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow. “I’ve given my life to the Corps, Levi. If I fall apart, you won’t be at fault…”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Hmmph…yea, well, do us all a favor and keep your shit together long enough for us to convince these new recruits to join the Corps, yea?”

Erwin laughed out loud. “Will do, Captain.”

They spent the next few hours in relative silence. Eventually, Erwin fell into a light slumber, his eyelids pinched closed. Levi felt his eyes trail over Erwin’s sleeping figure, over his lips, his graceful neck, his slowly rising and falling chest, taking in the perfection that was Erwin Smith, a man carved from stone with exquisite detail and precision. One blonde hair fell out of place into his face, disturbing the flawlessness, making him look less of a statue and more of a man.  In a moment of weakness, Levi leaned in, brushed the stray hair back from his face, allowed his hand to linger for the briefest of moments. 

He pulled himself away, sighing heavily. Denying himself was trying, not something to which he would ever be used. In the underground, if Levi had wanted something, he would take it. Forcefully, violently, without hesitation. It was one of Kenny’s many valuable lessons. But with Erwin, everything was different. By denying himself, he was saving Erwin. And though it fucking hurt, he would continue to do so. Even if it killed him. Erwin Smith was much too important. 

Their arrival in Mitras was…unexpected. Civilians and nobles alike had gathered around to welcome entrance to the city. Zakley and Dok stood together at the front of the Military Police headquarters. As Erwin dismounted the carriage, he held out a hand to assist Levi. As he took it, Levi heard his name resound through the throng. 

“It’s Captain Levi! Look!  _ Humanity’s Strongest!” _

“And Commander Erwin! The heroes of humanity!”

Levi’s eyes narrowed as they met Erwin’s. The Commander only smiled, leaned into him and whispered, “Welcome back to Mitras, Captain. I told you…you’re well loved by the people.”

Levi rolled his eyes in disgust. He wasn’t a hero and he didn’t want to be the Survey Corps mascot. The people were screaming his name as if he was some sort of celebrity and the encroaching sounds of their cries dug themselves deep under his skin. “Yea, well, I wish they’d shut up.”

Erwin smiled and raised a waving hand to greet the gathered crowd, bringing forth eruptions of cheers and applause. His white teeth glittered in the sunlight and Levi couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he looked in this setting, in his element. It never ceased to surprise him. That Erwin Smith could possibly be more attractive, more alluring. But somehow, here, in this moment, he was irresistible. Levi had to look away, his heart pounding.

As they pulled away from the mass of civilians and approached Zakley and Dok, the Commander-in-Chief held out a welcoming hand. “Welcome back to Mitras, Commander.” Erwin took his hand, shook it firmly. Then Zakley’s eyes fell on Levi and a smile broke out on his gray features. “And Captain Levi. I’m sure the recruits will be thrilled to see you here! Come, follow me.”

He led them into the base, prattling on. “I’m sure this won’t surprise you but we’re still waiting on the arrival of Commander Pyxis. Punctuality was never his strong suit…Oh, and I’m sure Keith will be glad to see you as well. He’s with the recruits now…”

Levi balked. “Keith? Keith Shadis?”

Zakley turned back to him, a raised eyebrow hiked into his hairline. “Smith didn’t tell you? Keith has accepted a position training our recruits.”

Levi’s eyes found Erwin’s. “He failed to mention it.”

Zakley laughed. “Yes, well, no one is better suited for this role than Keith– he’s the only Survey Corps Commander to have retired rather than to have died in office. And as long as Shadis is out of the action, he’s sharp-witted, observant and perceptive. I’m sure you’ll see the results of that training in the Cadet Corps.”

“I’m very much looking forward to meeting them,” Erwin said and Zakely nodded, a look of pride descending on his haughty features. 

“Large class graduating this year. First time I’ve heard talk of the majority of those in the top ten choosing the Scout Regiment over the Military Police,” Zakley gave Erwin a meaningful look and Levi noticed Dok bristle at Zakley’s side. Zakley slapped a hand around Nile’s shoulder. “Oh Nile…it’s not like you’re hurting for soldiers anyway, is it? Yours die so much less often than the soldiers under Smith’s command.”

It was Levi’s turn to bristle. But Erwin’s smile remained in place. “It’s a thankless war we wage. But we’ll be glad for any well-trained recruits who care to join us in our eternal struggle.”

“Oh Smith, always the poet!” Zakely chuckled. “But it will take more than just pretty words to win these soldiers to your cause. They want to see action. Heroism. The valor of bravery and a just cause.”

Erwin nodded. “I think we can handle that. When does the ceremony commence?”

Nile chimed in, his voice gruff and severe. “Sunset. We’ve arranged three podiums, one for each branch, like always. The Corps will be first and then the Garrison. You’ll each get a turn with the recruits. But only the top ten in the class will get the chance to choose the Military Police. You feeling lucky today, Erwin?”

Erwin’s blue eyes flashed down at Levi for the briefest of moments. “Today, I am.”

As the sun began to dwindle and fade in the sky, Levi and Erwin headed to their designated podium, an elevated platform facing a sprawling, open space into which the recruits would file, to make the decision on whether or not to dedicate their hearts to humanity by choosing the Scout Regiment.

Levi felt the anticipation coursing through his veins. Erwin seemed poised and confident, as he always did. “You don’t expect me to say anything, do you?”

Erwin chuckled. “I don’t think that will be necessary. Your presence will be enough.”

Slowly, the recruits trickled in. Some were wide-eyed and excited. Others had an air of smug confidence about them. But the majority merely looked terrified.  _ Good,  _ Levi thought.  _ So, they do have some sense, then.  _ But all eyes were on the stage, searching, scanning, studying. Levi noticed that many of the recruits whispered amongst one another, pointed, spoke in hushed voices. He scowled down at them, arms crossed. 

“You’ll scare them off with that terse look on your face,” Erwin leaned in and whispered to him.

Levi narrowed his eyes in response. “Please tell me you don’t expect me to smile and play nice.”

“Of course not…that would be ridiculous. Perhaps you could attempt to appear a little less intimidating, however?”

“It’s just my face, Erwin,” Levi shot back irritably, and Erwin laughed out loud. 

“Fair enough.”

The crowd quieted and died down to a gentle hum of anticipation, awaiting the Commander’s inevitable recruitment speech. Erwin moved towards the crowd of young soldiers and saluted. There had to be at least a hundred of them, Levi estimated. Near immediately, all the recruits snapped into a similar gesture, their right fists poised over their hearts. 

“Welcome Cadets! I’m Commander Erwin Smith. And I’m sure most of you know Captain Levi.” Whispers, openmouthed stares. Erwin continued. “We’re here to implore you to join the Scout Regiment.”

The bodies in the crowd straightened. Wide eyes narrowed in determination. 

“As I’m sure you’ve aware, the times have never been more perilous, nor more full of fear. And yet the Scout Regiment lives without that fear – We fight without it. Our scouts have looked terror in the eye and overcome it, winning victory after victory, making stride after stride for humanity’s survival. We’ve fought for you – will you fight for us?”

The recruits tittered with excitement, their eyes glittering as they stared at the powerful man before them. His words burned into them, and Levi could actually see the dreams of grandeur, the heroic ideals, begin to form in the minds of these young soldiers. 

“In the Scout Regiment, you will find a freedom you have never known, a power you have never before experienced. I implore you to take your destiny into your own hands, to take the fate of humanity on your shoulders. Ours is a life of heroism, a life filled with purpose. I challenge you to imagine a world without titans, a world without walls, a world with only open skies, endless possibilities. That world  _ is _ possible. But it can never exist without the Scout Regiment. And the Scout Regiment cannot survive, cannot endure, without the bold sacrifices of soldiers like you.”

Levi looked out into the crowd and connected with the golden eyes of a diminutive young woman. Her brow was furrowed in determination, a fire blazing boldly within her expression. When their eyes met, she flushed and looked away quickly, directly her stare back at the Commander. But the look of resolve and certitude never wavered from her face. 

Erwin’s voice was growing more powerful with every well-recited word. “Your courage is the fuel that drives us, the purpose that unites us. Within the confines of the walls, you are soldiers. Beyond them, you are warriors. Let us transform you. Let us use your strength. Give everything you have to humanity and see it paid back tenfold in the freedom of the air beyond the walls rippling through your hair, the burning of titan blood on your skin. Become the warriors you were meant to be.” He again raised his hand to his heart in a salute. “Those of you brave enough, strong enough, convicted enough to give your heart to humanity, I salute you, I stand beside you. No longer should humanity deign to go on existing, dwindling, wasting away behind these walls. Allow us to teach you how to do more than just exist. Join us! Join the Scout regiment! Take your destiny into your own hands and fight for the future you hope to create!”

Levi’s breath caught in his throat. For a moment, he was afraid to breathe, enraptured by Erwin’s words, the power of his conviction. He stood mesmerized, transfixed, watching the Commander’s face, watching the heavy rise and fall of his chest as he held his salute with dignity, honor, determination. When he was finally able to turn his eyes away, Levi noticed that while almost half of the recruits had turned to leave, a large group still remained, stoic and steadfast, salutes held proudly at their chests. He could see the pleasure reflected in Erwin’s eyes, the pride beaming from his straight-backed form. 

Levi leaned in. “There’s got to be at least 30 of them…”

“I count 39…The largest number of Scout Regiment recruits in years…the largest I’ve ever seen.” Erwin’s voice trembled with exhilaration. His eyes darted from face to face in the crowd as a smile pulled at the corners of his lips. Levi was impressed despite himself. Looking out into the sea of faces, he made out the firmly set jaw of the young woman with whom he had made eye contact and was unsurprised to see that she had stayed. There was a fierce determination about her, a sense of bravery and resolve that he had only ever detected amongst members of the Scout Regiment. 

Again, Erwin addressed the throng. “You recruits have my respect. Welcome to the Scout Regiment!”

An eager cheer shot through the Cadets and Levi couldn’t help but allow himself a brief moment of joy, of reprieve. This was Erwin’s doing, this transformation.  He was the man with whom humanity could entrust all its hopes, all its dreams. The vision of the future, of a world without titans felt tangible, achievable with Erwin Smith at the helm. And in that moment, Levi felt a surge of determination to protect this man, to protect his ideals, to keep him alive and fighting for as long as possible. While the recruits in front of him stood firm dedicating their hearts to the Corps, Levi did the same…dedicating his heart to Erwin Smith all over again. 

As the recruits filed out after the ceremony, Levi was left alone with Erwin at his side, the podium empty and dark, as the stillness enveloped them. In the darkness, Erwin’s eyes found Levi’s face. “We got six of the top ten…” His eyes were glittering under the light of the stars. He was drunk with power. “Our fate is changing, Levi. Can you feel it? We’re changing it…”

“You’re changing it…with your flowery words and your lofty idealism…it sounds good to them…but they’ve never actually seen a titan.” Levi retreated back into himself, pulling his arms across his chest as a barrier between them.

“Does that matter so much?” Erwin eyed him suspiciously. “You had never seen a titan either the first time you set foot outside the walls. And look at you now.”

“Looking to replace me, Smith?”

“That would be impossible…” Erwin reached out and in a swift movement, he grabbed Levi’s hand. Though Levi attempted to pull away, Erwin’s grip was strong. He pulled the smaller man into him, enveloped him in his arms, laid a kiss on the top of his head, buried in his dark hair.  

“Fuck, Erwin…now is not the time…” Levi thrashed and resisted against Erwin. He knew he could easily break Erwin’s grip on him but deep down in the recesses of his heart, Levi wanted his warmth, wanted his forceful affection. Wanted to allow himself to be held in Erwin’s arms. 

“And why not?” Erwin’s voice was steady.  “If not now, then when?” Slowly, Erwin wound a hand up the back of Levi’s neck, pulling back only to peer into his eyes. In the dimness and obscurity of their current surroundings, desire burned hot between Levi’s legs, threatening to swallow him up, devour him whole. His body screamed out for Erwin, his heart begged him to give in to his rough touch, his trembling hands. 

“Never. It’s not going to happen. Not ever again.” Levi jammed his elbow into Erwin’s ribcage, pulling himself forcefully from Erwin’s grasp. Erwin’s hands fell to his sides and he remained rooted to the spot but his gaze was longing, still burning hot and setting Levi’s heart ablaze.

“Why?” The question was so simple yet so infuriating. Did Erwin really doubt his reasoning? Was he really so dense, so thick, that he was unable to see past his own desire, unable to understand what these ridiculous feelings could cost him?

Levi was dumbfounded, floundered under those haunting blue eyes. Those blue eyes that assessed him, studied him, knew him better than he knew himself, that seemed to be able to see into his very soul. 

Erwin’s voice was steady, unwavering when he next spoke and his words seemed to drive a knife deep into Levi’s chest. “It doesn’t have to be this way. Can’t you see I’ll never be able to stop pursuing you…I’ll never be able to force these feelings away…”

“Well start trying.” Levi growled. 

Erwin shook his head. “What if I don’t want to?”

“You think I care what you  _ want _ , Erwin?” 

Erwin raised an eyebrow. “I do.”

Levi’s eyes were dark, hooded, narrowed and insolent as he resisted his own desire. “Well you’re wrong. I don’t give a fuck about what you want. That’s not my problem. It’s not my responsibility to make you happy. It’s my responsibility to keep you alive.”

Erwin paused, his eyes widening. “I knew it…”

“Knew what?” Levi spat.

“You think you’re protecting me by denying me. You think by driving a wedge between us, you’re keeping me safe.”

“Tsk…” Levi crossed his arms and allowed his line of vision to drift away from Erwin. Erwin moved closer, hesitantly closing the space between them.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Silence. “Levi, look at me.”

Anger flashed in his gray eyes. Was it anger at his own transparency? At Erwin’s stubbornness? Levi couldn’t quite be sure. But it was with defiance that he observed the man before him. 

“You think my desire for you has made me blind, made me weak?” Erwin’s voice was low. 

“Leave it alone, Erwin,” Levi growled, a dangerous tone seeping into the tenor of his voice. “It’s done. This…obsession…it needs to end.”

“Tell me you feel nothing for me. Say the words and mean them.” 

Levi’s breath caught in his throat.  _ Fucking bastard,  _ he thought, his thoughts swirling and raging inside his head. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides, grit his teeth. “I feel nothing for you. Nothing more than a soldier would feel for his commander.”

Erwin smiled then and the brilliance of that smirk sent shockwaves up Levi’s spine. “You’re lying.”

Levi let out a loud repressed breath and turned away in exasperation, but Erwin’s words stopped him in his tracks. “You’re not wrong, Levi. You’re my weakness.”

Levi paused, spoke without turning to face Erwin. “I don’t want that burden, Erwin.”

“It’s not your burden, Levi. It’s mine.”

Levi whirled around, his heart pounding in his chest. “Then give it up. Give it all up. Let me go and free yourself of it!”

“I can’t…”

“Goddamn it, Erwin. Why the hell not?”  

“Because I love you, Levi. I’ve loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”

Levi choked, a gasp caught in the back of his throat, his entire body a mess of trembling limbs. “Erwin…”

Erwin laughed and shook his head. “I don’t need you to say anything…I just…need you to know. This life is too short for me to hold it back from you.”

And immediately, Levi again heard Mike’s words in his head.  _ We live. We fight. We give everything to this life and hold nothing back. That’s what I intend to do.I hope you’ll do the same, Levi. Nothing else matters. This life’s so short. So, don’t waste it.  _ He stubbornly forced them back down, doing his best to ignore them. Now was not the time. This was not the place.

Levi straightened, drew his spine up, forced his face to reveal nothing of the internal battle being waged in his mind. “It changes nothing…”

“Perhaps not. Perhaps you’ve always known…I haven’t been particularly adept at hiding it. But now you can be certain. I love you and I always will.”

Levi stood frozen to the spot, his hands clenching and unclenching, his mind raging chaotically. “We need to go, Erwin.”

Erwin nodded, moved nearer to him, put a hand on the small of his back. “Yes, we do. We have a new force of Scouts waiting for us.” Then he moved past Levi to dismount the stage and disappear into the night. Levi ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. Erwin’s words changed nothing and yet everything at the same time. They had burned themselves into his memory, into the fragility of his mind. Levi was sure that he had known…had known since the day that the walls had fallen, perhaps even before that. But to hear those words escape Erwin’s lips…there was no pretending anymore. It was a fine line he was walking…and soon he would fall…soon he wouldn’t be strong enough to stop himself. Who knew much time they had left? 

_ I hope you’ll do the same, Levi. Nothing else matters. This life’s so short. So, don’t waste it. _

That night, the newest members of the Scout Regiment convened at a local tavern in Mitras to celebrate one last night of freedom and a bright future fighting for humanity. Levi found himself trailing behind in Erwin’s wake to join them in their revelry, an action that would ordinarily cause him immense discomfort. As Erwin entered the tavern, a quiet fell over the recruits, their eyes widening in shock as though they had been caught in an illegal act. But Erwin laughed out loud. “Please don’t stop your merriment on my account! The next round is on me!”

A whoop and loud cheers echoed through the tavern and the recruits sang the praises of Commander Erwin Smith as he moved in and about them, getting to know them, speaking with them as if he was one of their own. Levi hung back watching Erwin’s back, observing the ease with which he moved through the crowd of recruits. So comfortable, so contented, he seemed. As though his most recent conversation with Levi hadn’t even occurred at all. He was holding a beer now, one most likely gifted to him by one of the new recruits. Levi watched him bring the mug delicately to his lips as he fraternized. 

“Eh…excuse me, Captain Levi, sir?” Levi bristled to hear a deep yet grating voice next to his left ear. He whipped around to see two soldiers looking at him with stars in their wide eyes. The girl with the golden eyes. A slight flush colored her face as she looked at him. Standing next to her was the man who had spoken, a smug expression coloring his features while light brown hair curled over his ears. He held out a mug of frothing amber liquid, offered it to Levi. “We…we thought you might want a drink…”

Levi hated the taste of beer…and alcohol had never really had the gaiety-causing affect on him that it often seemed to have on others. But he took the mug anyway and grunted a “Thanks…” before gazing off towards Erwin again, watching him smile, watching him secure the Commander mask over his face…the same mask Levi himself seemed to have been able to remove entirely. His heart pounded watching the movement of those lips, the veiled passion behind those eyes. But his quiet musings were again interrupted by the determined young scout at his side. “Sir…I hope you don’t mind me saying but…I was there the day the wall fell…I saw you in action…I’ve never seen anyone move like that…”

Levi’s eyes snapped back to the scout’s face. “You were there?”

“Y…yes…I used to live within Wall Maria.”

“So, you’ve seen the titans, then?”

A nod, a gulp. Levi’s eyes widened. “And still you chose to join the Scouts? Why?”

“I…I…” The soldier seemed to struggle under Levi’s questioning, his harsh stare. “I saw you fighting…and you gave me hope…I thought in that moment that I wanted to be…like you…”

A cold chill settled in Levi’s chest. “What’s your name, recruit?”

“Oruo Bozad, sir!” He drew his hand into a salute over his heart, straightening himself in presentation, like a child showing off his prized possession. 

“Oruo…you don’t want to be like me…” He took a slug from the mug in his hand, tossed the liquid back down his throat though he despised the taste, just to be rid of it. “Do yourself a favor and focus on surviving.” He slammed the mug down, emptied of all its contents.

“But sir…” Oruo stammered and Levi put a hand on his shoulder before turning to the girl at his side. “And you?”

She froze when she realized he was addressing her, her face bright red, in stark contrast to her short orange hair.

“Me?” She whimpered and Levi fought back the urge to roll his eyes. He nodded curtly.

“What’s your name?”

“Petra Ral, sir.” She saluted him, a perfect recruit, the pinnacle of four years of training in decorum, tact, civility and military procedures. 

“There a reason you’ve been watching me all night? You some sort of MP spy?”

She looked panicked. “N-no, sir! I…I just…”

“Well, spit it out!” he snapped. 

“I was…studying you…trying to pick up clues on how it is that you’re capable of doing the things you do…you’re not…” she paused uncomfortably, looking at her feet, at the floor, anywhere but directly at Levi. Oruo shifted uneasily beside her. “You’re not what any of us expected, sir…”

“Hmmph…” Levi shrugged. “Disappointed, are you?”

“Not at all.” She was smiling then. “We’re actually…. relieved. You look so…” She struggled for the word. “Human. Just like any of us and…it gives us hope that maybe we could…do what you do someday.”

“I’m human, alright.” Levi conceded, his eyes catching Erwin’s from across the room. 

Petra’s eyes were on him. “Sir?”

He turned back to her and she flushed. Again. “What is it?”

“I…I just wanted to thank you…for coming all this way. You’re all anyone ever talks about…Oruo hardly ever shuts up about you.”

Oruo bristled at her side, flushing in turn. “Petra!” His eyes were huge when he turned back to Levi and sweat was beading on his brow. “She’s exaggerating! She doesn’t know what she’s – “

Levi snorted, interrupting his embarrassed ramblings. “You brats don’t have anything better to talk about?”

Petra’s eyes scanned the floor as if deciphering a complex pattern within the grain. “No…I don’t think we do…” She chuckled. “We’re just truly honored that you’re here. You and the Commander.”

“Is this what you always dreamed of then? Joining the military and dedicating your heart to the Survey Corps?” Levi eyed her suspiciously. 

“Honestly…no…when I found out I was in the top ten, I seriously thought about joining the Military Police but…” she sighed. “I don’t think I would ever be happy in that life…not really.”

“Being safe isn’t enough to keep you happy?” Levi growled and Petra shook her head. 

“No…I don’t think so. Being safe is the coward’s way out. I want to be free. I want to fight.” Her eyes met his and flashed in the dim light. For the first time, she did not shy away from his gaze. He saw a hint of himself in that defiant expression. A little of Erwin there as well. This girl was well-suited for the Corps, of that he was now certain. 

“Well then you’ve picked the right branch,” Levi slumped back, crossed his arms, gaze falling back on Erwin.

“You’re very protective of him, aren’t you?” Petra asked and Levi bristled.

“What did you say?”

“It’s just that…you haven’t taken your eyes off the Commander all night. We’ve all heard that you’ve saved his life many times…but you can’t assume that even amongst us new recruits, he’s unsafe?” Petra’s eyes were searching him, oblivious and yet all-seeing. And in that moment, Levi knew. Knew it was all over.  _ Don’t waste it. _

“Excuse me…” He pushed himself off the wall, began to move away. 

“You’re…you’re leaving, sir?”

“That’s enough merriment for me.”

Levi’s mind was set as he moved away. He knew what he was about to do but he didn’t fucking care anymore. He had had enough. Heat radiated up the back of his neck as he approached the Commander amid the tittering group of recruits. They were, unsurprisingly, enraptured by his words as he animatedly described a titan encounter in vivid detail, his second beer sloshing in his hand. Eyes were huge and mouths agape as Erwin wove a complex narrative, a personal, perhaps slightly exaggerated account of one particular mission outside the walls. As Levi drew closer, Erwin smiled and pulled him into the center of the crowd. “And Captain Levi was the only reason I was even able to get out of that mess. He sliced through all four of the titans with one swoop – I’ve never seen anyone move so fast. He’s saved my neck dozens of times.”

The Scouts all looked at Levi then, amazement, wonder, admiration coloring their features. Levi bristled, his arms crossed, an expression of irritation settling over his brow. “Erwin…”

“Umm…excuse me, Captain sir?” One scout was actually raising her hand, addressing him. Levi narrowed his eyes as he looked at her and she flushed behind long gold bangs. “Exactly how many titans have you killed…on your own, that is? I’ve heard the number is in the…the hundreds…”

“Tsk…” Levi rolled his eyes. “I’ve lost count…”

Erwin laughed. “I haven’t. To my best estimation, it’s about 76. Singlehandedly killed by Captain Levi in his three years with the Corps.”

Levi’s eyes darted to Erwin’s face. That fucker needed a better hobby. But a gasp ran through the recruits. 

“I can’t even imagine seeing that many titans…”

“Most other veterans only have a kill count in the 20’s or 30’s…”

“That’s why they call him  _ Humanity’s Strongest…” _

“Erwin,” Levi interrupted the murmurs, irritation racking his brain. “A word? Outside. Now.”

Erwin grinned at the young soldiers and saluted them all. “Excuse me a moment, will you? Captain Levi requires my attention.” He finished the beer in his hand and set the empty mug down on a nearby table before turning to Levi, his face lightly flushed and beaming. “After you, Captain.”

Levi grit his teeth as he pushed his way through the recruits. He watched as Oruo attempted to toss back a mug of beer in a similar fashion to that which Levi had performed…and failed miserably, the beer splattering on his face, on the floor. Snickers echoed through the hall as Oruo blotted at his face with a bar rag, looking both embarrassed and exasperated.  

The looks on the faces of these recruits were so different than the looks on the faces of the MP’s, of the Garrison, of the nobles or the government officials. They looked at him like he was some sort of hero, some sort of god, respect and admiration shining in their eyes. It made him uncomfortable. They had no idea who Levi was…no idea where he came from, what he had done in his past….but Erwin did. Erwin did and yet loved him in spite of all of it. 

Outside, in the darkness, Levi rounded the building, breezed down a narrow alleyway so they were out of sight and out of earshot. Erwin followed, keeping the brisk pace, his eyes searching Levi for a clue as to what this was all about. “Levi…what’s - ?”

Levi forced Erwin up against the brick wall of the tavern, his own body pressed to Erwin’s…the closest they had been in what seemed like months. Up on his toes, his mouth found Erwin’s and his hands entwined themselves in that soft gold hair, desperate, passionate, craving. It had been so long, too long…and Levi was sick of resisting. The pain of his longing spread throughout his body, making him gasp against Erwin’s lips, pull away only slightly.  

“Levi…” Erwin attempted to steady him, to withdraw but Levi drove him back. 

“Shut up. Just shut up.” He felt Erwin’s smile against his lips. His hands roamed down Erwin’s body, feeling him twitch and jerk under his touch. How long had it been? Erwin moaned into Levi’s mouth, his hands grasping up under the fabric of Levi’s jacket as though begging him to move closer, to close whatever minuscule gap that existed between them. 

“I love you…Levi…I love you …” Erwin’s voice was strained, labored, craving. Levi wrenched a hand free and used it to cover Erwin’s mouth.

“Erwin…shut up…” He allowed his fingers to dwindle as they trailed down Erwin’s lips. He attempted to bury his face in Erwin’s neck, to delicately bite at the exposed skin beneath his collar but Erwin found his strength and ran a hand under Levi’s chin, brining the steel gray eyes to his own.

“I thought…” he paused as Levi’s hand caressed his groin, eliciting a gasp of pleasure. “…What changed?”

Levi sighed against him, allowed his head to slump against Erwin’s chest. He could hear Erwin’s heart pounding, the heavy, lustful beats behind his ribcage. “Nothing…” he said quietly. “And everything…” He lifted his head and glared at Erwin for a moment, his eyes searching that handsome alabaster face. “Tell me this is what you want…”

Erwin traced his hand over Levi’s cheek. “You know that it is.”

“Good. Then I have some conditions.” Erwin cocked an eyebrow, a smirk curling over his lips. “One.” Levi held up a finger. “You’ll stop being so willing to throw your life away for me. You’ll recognize I can take care of myself. And you’ll honor that autonomy.” 

A lustful darkness fell over Erwin’s features then and his grabbed a hold of Levi’s hand, put the finger in his mouth, drawing a gasp from Levi with the suction and the warmth. As his mouth drew back and his eyes met Levi’s, he nodded. “Agreed.”

Levi struggled to regain composure. “Two.” He raised another finger and Erwin pulled both to his lips, licked the tips and then put them both in his mouth, sucking on them for a moment, allowing them to graze his teeth as he pulled them out. Levi trembled, forcing the words out. “You won’t allow me to be your weakness. If you start to feel that whatever feelings you have for me are limiting you, holding you back from your duty, you’ll end it. Immediately and without second thought.” 

Erwin nodded, his eyes filled with a dark lust that burned into Levi’s skin, settling him a flame. “Agreed.”

“And three.” He put up one final finger, anticipating Erwin’s mouth circling around them, yet still breathless when it happened.  “You’ll put the Scout Regiment before me. Before whatever this is…and should the time come that you have to give the order, you’ll accept that I’ll march headlong into my own death. And you will be willing to give that order nonetheless.”

Erwin released Levi’s hand, nodded and breathed out before pulling Levi’s lips to his breathlessly. “Agreed.” 

The ferocity with which Erwin kissed him took Levi’s breath away. He found it hard to breathe, hard to think with Erwin’s hands roaming his body, caressing him, exploring him. God, he had missed this, craved it deep within his bones. His cock was so fucking hard it hurt but he ignored it, continued to grasp at Erwin’s neck, at the buttons of his undershirt, at the exposed skin of his chest. 

Erwin gently reached out and took Levi’s hands, stopping their incessant tugging and groping. As he pulled his lips from Levi’s, Levi could hear the quivering of his voice, the panting of his breath. “Hold on…”

Levi choked back a growl of irritation. “What, Erwin?”

“We should go back inside…but I’m not finished here. Not by a long shot.” He leaned in and nipped at Levi’s earlobe, causing a bolt of electricity to shoot through Levi’s entire body, settling in his groin. “Meet me in my room in an hour.” He laid one last kiss on Levi’s nose before pulling away, and circling the side of the building, disappearing from view. 

Levi caught his breath, staggering slightly. So, this was it. He had made the decision. And he couldn’t regret it.  Erwin had agreed to his terms…and he would hold him to them. Levi would not exist to weaken Erwin but would give him strength, give their fight purpose. And one day, they would both die for the cause. Of that, Levi was certain. So, he refused to deny himself any longer.

After a moment of pulling himself back to reality and forcing his heart to assume a more level pace, Levi re-entered the pub, stepping into revelry, bawdy music and the smell of alcohol and sweat. Erwin was entertaining the recruits once again so Levi, content to exist on the fringes of the commotion, settled himself against the wall, watching Erwin do what he did best: charm. 

Levi must have appeared a ghost, an unapproachable shadow as he watched Erwin, speaking to no one, his eyes never wavering, his body barely moving.

When hehad finally had enough, he sighed and slipped out into the night, thankful for the cool breeze and the stars that kept him company. He needed a brief moment of solitude to reflect, to prepare. For whatever would come next. 

Levi’s heart was pounding in his chest as he approached Erwin’s temporary quarters. An hour. He had given himself longer than that, dawdling and dragging his feet, making Erwin wait. It felt good knowing Erwin was waiting on him. He thought about knocking but it felt so formal, so out of place against the pounding of his heart, the desire coursing through his veins. So instead, he grasped the door knob with shaking hands and stepped into Erwin’s room without first announcing himself. 

His breath caught in his throat to see Erwin laying on the bed completely naked, already aroused, his cock huge and hard against his stomach. He sat up at Levi’s entrance, a smile on his face. “It’s not polite to make your Commander wait, Captain.”

“Fuck…Erwin…” Levi’s eyes roamed over the perfection as Erwin stood to move closer to him. Erwin’s skin was smooth, white, unblemished, pulled tightly over sinewy muscles. Levi could hear his own heartbeat in his chest as Erwin pressed him up against the wall and moved quick hands over his body, unbuttoning, unstrapping, undressing. There was no rush in Erwin’s touch. It was agonizing, almost painful as Erwin trailed his fingers over his thighs, undid the buckles of his harness, caressed his cock through the fabric of his pants. 

“It’s been far too long.” Erwin kissed the inside of Levi’s thigh, tugging at his boots. 

Levi moved to begin pulling his jacket from his shoulders but Erwin stopped him. “No…”

“Erwin…what?” Exasperated, Levi growled at Erwin and the Commander only smiled. 

“Let me do it. There’s no rush tonight…” 

Levi rolled his eyes but allowed Erwin to gently slide his hands under the fabric of his jacket, slip it off his shoulders, then move to unbuttoning his undershirt, pulling his cravat from his neck. Slowly. Painfully slowly. Erwin leaned in and laid a gentle kiss on Levi’s lips before pulling away. 

“Stop with this fucking gentle shit. I’m not made of glass,” Levi snapped, his hands clawing at the back of Erwin’s neck. 

Erwin laughed and forced Levi’s head back, pressing his lips firmly against Levi’s. His tongue darted into Levi’s mouth and he bit on Levi’s bottom lip while running his fingernails lightly down his bare chest. Strong, powerful hands slipped underneath the fabric of his pants, and Levi cried out as Erwin grasped at his cock, stroked it while running his tongue over Levi’s lips. 

Levi wound his hands into Erwin’s hair, gasping at the feel of Erwin’s fingers, that warmth of his touch. Erwin pulled his lips away from Levi’s and brought them to Levi’s ear instead. His whisper raised goosebumps on Levi’s skin, sent shockwaves down his spine. “I want to fuck you.”

Levi trembled as Erwin bit at his neck, lapped his tongue over his collarbone, sucking on the delicate skin, sure to leave a mark. “…The bed,” he managed to choke out and Erwin scooped him up as effortlessly as though he was a fair maiden or a small child. It irritated Levi, pricked at the back of his neck, but he ignored it, focusing instead on the feel of Erwin’s arms, the warmth radiating from his completely naked body.

Erwin laid Levi on his back on the bed, straddled his legs over Levi’s waist, careful not to put too much of his weight on Levi. They were both naked now. In Levi’s transfer from the floor to the bed, Erwin had ripped his pants from his legs. Levi felt vulnerable as Erwin’s eyes trailed over his exposed form. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are to me?” Erwin’s voice was unsteady, wavering as it escaped from his lips.

“Dammit Erwin…I’m not some noblewoman you can entrap with pretty compliments…”

Erwin laughed. “I mean it. You’re everything…I love you.” 

And for a moment, a stillness settled over them. Levi searched Erwin’s face. Did he want him to say the words back? That was the proper exchange wasn’t it? And it wasn’t that Levi didn’t feel the same…he had known that he loved Erwin for a long time…but saying those three words aloud felt like weakness, felt like admitting vulnerability, opening oneself up for attack. 

“Erwin…I…”

Erwin leaned in then, kissed him with a passionate force, tugged his neck upward. When he pulled back, his blue eyes were glittering. “I know…” he said, repeating Levi’s words from the carriage earlier that day. And Levi felt an immense gratefulness to Erwin in that moment. He knew…and wouldn’t force Levi to say it aloud. Fucking perfect, beautiful, ridiculous man. 

Erwin reached underneath the pillow upon which Levi’s head rested and pulled out a small vial containing a thick, clear liquid. Oil. Uncorking the bottle, Erwin poured a measurable amount into his hands, coating a finger. 

“Are you sure?” he asked Levi, his eyes wide.

“Fuck…Erwin…” Levi warned and Erwin laughed and nodded. 

“Sorry…sorry…”

That finger slid between Levi’s legs, slipping inside him slowly and Levi gasped at the pressure. Erwin’s finger, once inside, crooked, widening his opening, hitting his prostate and procuring a low moan from Levi’s lips. Erwin smirked. “Is this ok?” Erwin asked and Levi narrowed his eyes, shutting him up near immediately. 

Another finger and then another entered him, filling him, readying him. His cock was flush against his stomach, achingly hard and though Levi’s eyes were pinched shut, he could feel Erwin’s mouth move over it, close around it, bearing down on it while his fingers worked inside of him. Levi’s hands twined themselves in the bedsheets. He felt he would break from the pressure, from the pleasure. 

“Erwin…fuck me now or…I might…”

He felt Erwin’s mouth pull away from his member, felt the release as Erwin’s fingers pulled out from inside him. He ached everywhere, desperate to feel Erwin, to be closer to him.

Erwin sat up, situated himself between Levi’s legs, slipped a hand under the small of Levi’s back. “Arch your back for me,” he whispered into Levi’s ear and Levi complied, fully under Erwin’s spell, a slave to his command. 

Levi felt the tip of Erwin’s cock, the cooling sensation of the oil against his opening. Then the pressure overwhelmed him as Erwin’s gently eased inside him. At first it was a sharp pinch, painful, uncomfortable and Levi grit his teeth to keep from crying out. 

Erwin paused. “Am I hurting you? I can stop…”

“Goddammit Erwin!” Levi’s voice was dangerous. “You fucking stop and I will kill you.”

He thought he heard a chuckle escape Erwin and then he was completely filled. A gentle rocking as Erwin thrust against him, and fuck…his dick hit Levi’s prostate. Levi cried out, his hands raking down Erwin’s back, his nails digging in deep. 

He heard Erwin hiss against him, whether from pain or pleasure, he wasn’t sure. 

“Is this ok?” Erwin asked.

“Faster…” His voice was a low and guttural growl from deep within his throat.

And the rocking increased in rhythm and power. This moment was so much more than pleasure, so much more than desire. It was connection, it was fulfillment, it was completeness. It was the culmination of months of denial and repression being ripped open, torn apart and discarded forever. With Erwin inside him, pressed against him, with his words resounding in Levi’s head, this moment was everything. And Levi was desperately lost within it. 

As Erwin continued to thrust, a wandering hand trailed over Levi’s chest, rested on his heart. Passionate lips trailed his stomach, the line of his neck, flicked over his nipples. It was becoming too much. Levi felt the cascading wave of his orgasm building. 

“Erwin…I’m going to…”

“Come…I want you to…” Erwin leaned in and sucked on Levi’s earlobe, on his neck on his shoulder, his mouth laying sloppy, wet, desperate kisses. 

Any orgasm Levi had had before that moment paled in comparison. His entire body trembled and he shamelessly cried out as the tension built and then released in an explosion of sensation. He felt Erwin come to climax inside him just moments after. He pulled out slowly then, before falling down next to Levi, flushed, sweaty and fucking perfect. 

Levi turned to face him and saw the blond hair was a skew, falling in his face. His cheeks were rosy and a light sheen of sweat covered his brow. But in that moment, Levi realized that Erwin had never looked more beautiful. Erwin’s eyes flickered to Levi’s face, obviously aware of his staring. “Thank you, Levi.”

Levi laughed out loud then, surprising both himself and Erwin. “Thanking me for fucking you? My pleasure, Erwin.”

Erwin smirked. “Well…for that…and for everything else as well.” He paused a moment, as if lost in deep thought. “Levi, what changed? I thought you had no feelings for me whatsoever…isn’t that what you said?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “A big idiot named Mike reminded me that life is short…and I was sick and tired of denying myself what I wanted most.”

Erwin turned on his side to face Levi, one hand tucked under his chin, the other gently caressing the skin on Levi’s side. “You really want to die for the cause, Levi?”

“It’s not that I want to…” Levi sighed. “I’ve resigned myself to it. One day, the Corps will claim all our lives. And if you were to ask me to, I would give mine willingly.”

“And if I were to ask you to…right now…at this moment?”

“I’d do it.”

Erwin let out a heavy sigh. “Levi...”

Levi rolled over on his stomach, pulled Erwin close, laid a kiss on his lips while his hand ran through the mussed golden locks. 

As he pulled back, he narrowed his eyes. “You hold all of our lives in your hands, Commander Smith. Those recruits trust in you and the Survey Corps you’ve created. I hope you’ll always be worthy of that trust.”

Erwin traced his fingers over the back of Levi’s neck, wove them through the thick black strands of his hair. “I hope so too.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayyyyy so...this was my first real attempt at writing smut. We've had some kind of sexy scenes before but I think this scene is another category. I hope it played well and that it wasn't gratuitous. In this case, I feel like it's important, develops their characters and serves as the culmination of an entirely separate and new part of their relationship.
> 
> Please let me know what you think. I'm anxious and nervous and happy with it all at the same time. 
> 
> Much love to you all! Thanks so much to those of you who have been following the fic from the beginning. It means a lot.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday, y'all!
> 
> So Season 3 Episode 1 was amazing. Seriously so well done :) I think this will easily be the best season yet. That being said, there were a ton of changes to the manga in the first episode alone. Since they're all sanctioned by Isayama, does that mean that they're THE canon now? 
> 
> That being said, this will be the second to last chapter in Violent Desire. I always wanted to split the series into three parts. So the next part will take place in canon territory. I'm also working on a AU (which is so weird for me since I've always considered myself a canon only girl...how the times have changed).
> 
> This is a long chapter :) Hope you enjoy!  
> Chapter song is Born To Be Yours by Kygo and Imagine Dragons.

The rain was as heavy as it had been the day he had lost Isabel and Furlan. The sky was dark, gray. Visibility was limited. Levi clasped his blades in both hands while around him he could hear screaming, sobbing, cries for help. But he could see nothing. He was alone amid the fog, amid the downpour. 

He heard Mike’s yell then, a sharp cry that crept up his spine and chilled his bones. Though he couldn’t find Mike within the dense fogginess, blood splattered over Levi’s face as a heavy blow echoed through the atmosphere. Mike let out a final yelp, like a dog whose throat had been slit, before going silent forever. Nanaba’s voice cut through the air and though Levi knew he wouldn’t be able to get to her, he struggled through the shower, calling out her name. He heard her death throe, got to her in time to stumble over her corpse. Her eyes looked up at him in death, her body ripped into two separate pieces…so similar to the last time he had seen Furlan.  For a moment, Levi felt he might retch. 

_ Levi! Levi! _

Hange. 

He forced himself through the rain, desperation pulling at his veins. He fumbled with his gear. It was impossible to use it in this blindness. What if his hooks shot through the fog and killed one of his comrades? He was grounded. And all he could hear was Hange’s screaming. Hange never screamed. Hange was never afraid. But from her voice, Levi could tell she was terrified. 

“Hange!” His voice shook in its ferocity. 

He heard a slicing, thick and fast. Heard Hange choke, spit up. Heard a body hit the wet grass. “Hange!” He screamed but his voice was met with no returning sound. He fell to his knees as the rain soaked him through. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, the storm began to pause, to roll out, revealing the enormity of the bloodshed, Hange’s head separated from her body…blood everywhere as though undisturbed by the ferocity of the pelting rain. And then he saw him. Erwin. Standing in the center of the wreckage, his blades stained bright red, his uniform and face colored with the blood of his comrades. There was not a titan in sight. None but Erwin himself. And around him, the members of the Survey Corps…Eld, Gunther, Petra, Oruo, Franz, Mike, Nanaba, Hange…they were all dead by the hand of Erwin Smith. His eyes found Levi’s and he raised his blades, stalked forward, intent to finish the deed obvious in the set of his jaw, the manic look in his eyes. 

Levi bowed his head and accepted the killing blow, allowing Erwin’s blade to tear through the flesh of his neck.

“Levi!” Someone was shaking him, grasping his shoulders firmly. “Levi, wake up!”

He started awake, his breathing ragged, his body covered in a sheen of sweat. Erwin. He was in Erwin’s bed, naked and sore. But alive. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see a look of concern marring Erwin’s features as he leaned over him. 

“You were having a nightmare…”

Levi nodded, sat up, pulling away from Erwin. He raked his fingers through his hair, attempting to force those images back, those images that had felt so real, so painful. 

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Erwin…” he snapped and Erwin withdrew slightly. 

“Do you…want to talk about it?”

Levi scoffed. He had been having similar nightmares for weeks. And each time, it felt more real, more tangible. There was nothing he wanted less than to talk about it. “It’s fine, Erwin. You worry too much.” He leaned in and placed his lips on the top of Erwin’s head. It was just about sunrise. The morning light was barely visible upon the horizon. Levi stretched, slipped a leg off the bed and then another until he stood naked just out of Erwin’s reach. 

Erwin sat up slowly, moved to the edge of the bed and reached out to pull Levi back to him. He gently laid kisses on the bruises that blemished the back of Levi’s thighs, left there by the straps of his maneuvering gear.  Levi shivered under his touch but didn’t pull away. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the sensation of Erwin’s lips on his skin. 

“You’ve been having them…more and more frequently.” Erwin’s hands traced the lines of Levi’s hipbones and Levi couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped him. He whirled around, a scowl on his face. 

“Stop worrying, old man. You’re going to drive yourself to an early grave.”

Erwin stood then, the blankets dropping off of his completely naked form to fall on the floor. He slipped his hands on either side of Levi’s face and bent down to envelope him in a passionate kiss. Levi wound his hands around the back of Erwin’s neck, allowed Erwin’s golden hair to twiddle and wind around his fingers. Erwin’s lips trailed from Levi’s mouth to the strong line of his jaw, down to his neck, then ever so slowly down his chest. Before Levi could react, Erwin was on his knees, taking Levi’s cock into his mouth, grasping, clawing, at his ass. “Fuck Erwin…it’s almost sunrise.” He could barely get the words out.

A tongue to the tip of his cock stole his breath and Erwin whispered against his thigh. “Then we have some time still.” Erwin rose slightly and wrapped his arms around Levi’s waist. With only marginal effort, he lifted Levi, raised him just enough to allow him to collapse onto his back on the bed. His member was stiff, tight, glistening with Erwin’s saliva. Erwin’s kiss was passionate, fierce and Levi sighed as Erwin’s hand gripped his cock and vigorously began sliding up and down his shaft. Erwin’s teeth bit at his neck and Levi yipped slightly at the pain mixed with pleasure. The steady rhythm of Erwin’s hand was building he could feel release only moments away. 

“Fuck, Erwin. I’m going to – .”

And Erwin’s hand pulled away. “No.” His voice was firm, commanding and Levi’s eyes narrowed in frustration. 

“What the hell, Erwin!”

“Not like this.” He leaned in, licked at the lobe of Levi’s ear and whispered, “I want you to come inside me.” Levi’s heart shuddered as Erwin’s lips again enveloped his.  Erwin reached over to the nightstand adjacent to the bed and pulled out a clear bottle of oil, gave it to Levi. As Levi uncorked the bottle and poured a small amount into his hand, Erwin’s mouth traced his chest, his hands roaming, tugging forcefully at Levi’s ass. Erwin was moaning, his member rock solid against his stomach. 

“Come here.” Levi demanded and Erwin moved closer, pressed his chest against Levi’s as Levi’s hand wound around his waist, parted his legs and slipped fluidly inside him. Erwin gasped against him, his hands wound into Levi’s hair, his lips searching, panting, pleading. Slowly another finger and then another found their way inside Erwin. He whimpered slightly and Levi almost wanted to laugh. He fucking loved this, seeing his commander become subservient, pliable under his fingertips. 

When he sensed Erwin’s readiness, he rolled him over on his back and settled himself between his spread legs. He wasn’t gentle like Erwin. He fucked violently, forcefully. And he knew that Erwin, though he might not deign to admit it, liked it that way. 

As he slid inside Erwin, the larger man moaned, his eyes rolling back in his head, his back arching with the pressure, the pleasure. Levi couldn’t control his own gasp as the tightness. He leaned in and forcefully smashed his lips against Erwin’s, even biting at his bottom lip. He began thrusting then and Erwin’s nails trailed down his back, digging into his ass, squeezing, guiding. 

“Faster,” Erwin whispered and Levi complied. He felt welts beginning to form where Erwin’s fingers were digging into his skin but at that moment, he didn’t care. His orgasm built and climbed, blinding him momentarily as it crashed over him and set his body to trembling and writhing. He heard Erwin come only moments later. 

Pulling out slowly, Levi fell back beside Erwin, into his arms and was scooped up into a passionate embrace. 

“You have any idea how much I love you?” Erwin kissed Levi gently, the way he always did and Levi stiffened against him.

“I have to go. Before someone sees.” He moved to get up and Erwin grabbed his waist, held him still. 

“You really think I care about that?”

“Perhaps you should. You’ve been getting sloppy lately.” Levi was sure that, although they had taken measures to remain undetected, many of the Scouts were catching on and growing suspicious. Not that any of them would dare to question  _ Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. _

“Now who’s worrying too much?” Erwin finally released him and allowed him to clean up, to begin to redress. 

He stole a final kiss before leaving Erwin to the solitude of the morning sunrise. 

The time that had passed since they had returned from Mitras, since Erwin’s confession, since Levi’s decision to allow himself the luxury of Erwin’s affections, had flown by in a blurred haze. Expeditions had come and gone as the Scouts continued to push their way into Wall Maria, cutting down titans and forcing them further and further back from new and established bases.  And during that time, it had been surprisingly…quiet. Few deaths, often ranging from 15-20 per mission. Abnormal sightings were down. The formation acted as a fluid and cohesive unit. And the morale was at an all-time-high. 

And yet, still Levi’s dreams persisted. Erwin Smith cutting down the Survey Corps scout by scout, all the time with a crazed look in his blue eyes. Levi was able to ignore it. But the more frequently he stayed with Erwin through the night, the more obvious it became to the Commander that Levi’s sleep was fraught with unpleasant visions. And steadily Erwin had begun taking the heavy burden of worry upon himself. Maybe it was time to allow Erwin to spend some of his nights alone. 

As Levi retreated from Erwin’s room, the tranquility of the morning settled into his bones. Headquarters was silent at this hour. Peaceful. Still. He was thankful for the solitude as he moved about in the almost darkness. He would give his squad another hour of sleep before rousing them for training. 

Squad Levi. It was now fully formed, fully operational and highly effective. It had taken only moments of watching Petra Ral maneuver through the course to know that he had had to have her. Levi had also come around to Oruo Bozad, though more slowly. Though he found many of Oruo’s antics to be perfunctory and more than mildly annoying, Levi had to admit that his movements on the course and on the field were quick, decisive and highly motivated by his strong desire to prove himself.

Eld had become one of the strongest soldiers in the entire Corps. He was respected by the other scouts and especially by those in Levi’s Squad. Gunther and Franz were two parts of the same well-oiled machine, dangerous and lethal. Levi felt complete confidence in the warriors he had chosen, and they returned his confidence in them with complete and total trust and devotion. They followed his every command without question. And over time, Levi had begun to feel a soft spot develop. 

Levi made himself a hot cup of tea from the mess hall, long before the rest of the Corps would rise to face the day. Then, he headed to his Squad’s quarters in the men’s barracks. After a year of the same routine, he was unsurprised to see them already up and ready, fully dressed with their quarters pristinely cleaned and immaculate. There were times when he thought he might love them. 

“Morning Captain!” Petra chimed, weaving into the barracks to stand beside him, a smile on her face. It had taken some time for her flush in Levi’s presence to regress but eventually her confidence seemed to increase. Though Petra was assigned to a bed within the women’s barracks, Levi knew she would often spend her time with her male squad mates and assist them in their chores and cleaning duties. Petra was the glue that held his squad together. Though she was as fierce as any of the men, there was a kindness and geniality to her that caused each of them to love her in their own way. Oruo was in love with Petra – that much was obvious to Levi. He had been since their training days. Eld, Franz and Gunther saw her as a younger sister, and were desperate to protect her yet in awe of her unexpected power. And Levi…Levi loved her as he had loved Isabel. As he had come to love Stella. He put an enormous amount of trust in her... yet often irrationally feared losing her.

“Five sets today, through the course. Then sparring. We’ll rotate off and on. Who’s first?”

Erwin joined him on the field that day, watched his Scout’s movements through the course. It was something Erwin often attempted to do, despite the chaotic toil of his inherited title. This small yet personal action paid dividends in the way the Scouts performed, knowing their Commander was watching them, knowing that he cared enough to observe their trainings. 

“Commander,” Levi didn’t take his eyes off the movements of his squad as Erwin settled in beside him, hands clasped behind his back. 

“Captain.” Erwin’s voice was cool. He leaned in, put his hand on the small of Levi’s back, pointed to Franz’s staggered flight. “Franz seems to be drifting.”

“To his left.” Levi nodded and cupped a hand over his mouth to bellow. “Oi! Franz! You’re drifting! Keep it on course unless you want to wind up titan shit!”

Franz dipped momentarily then righted himself with a quick, “Sir!” before whipping forward and allowing the wind to breeze through his blond hair. 

Erwin chuckled. “You’re so tactful with them.”

Levi shrugged. “Tact never was my strong suit.”

“Well whatever you’re doing, it’s working.”

“Tsk…” Levi crossed his arms, his eyes scanning the movements of his squad for any liabilities, any shortcomings or miscalculations. 

“The next expedition has been approved.” Levi blinked and turned to face Erwin then. 

“When did you find this out?”

“A messenger arrived today from the capital. Just after you left actually.” An almost imperceptible grin flitted over Erwin’s face. “We had good timing.”

Levi flushed. “When do we depart?

“One week.”

Levi shifted. “One week to prepare…”

“The brass is getting impatient for results,” Erwin conceded, then paused. “And…Hange is insisting on staging a titan capture.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Still?”

“She’s not completely wrong. One of the main goals of the Corps is learning about the titans…we have no idea what they are, where they come from…why they…do what they do.” Levi could hear the struggle in Erwin’s voice. 

“Erwin, you can’t seriously be considering this. We’ve finally reduced our casualties to a minimum. I’m not buying in to her hair-brained ideas just so my men can be killed in the execution.” Levi’s drawl was a low snap and Erwin nodded. 

“You’re right…She’s not going to be happy.”

“Well she can deal with it. We don’t have the time nor the resources to indulge her fantasies.”

“Indeed.” 

“Erwin…” Levi’s tone brought Erwin’s eyes to his own. “You’re in your head. You’re making the right decision denying Hange. Don’t second guess yourself on this. There’s too much to lose”

Erwin placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Thank you, Levi.” He leaned in and whispered in Levi’s ear, raising goosebumps on his skin. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Levi nodded and watched Erwin head into the fray to engage in directing the efforts of other squads. Hange would undoubtedly be disappointed, perhaps even angry…and Hange angry was not a pretty sight. But Levi couldn’t imagine wasting the effort and lives on a titan capture…one that would most likely end in failure anyway. 

The rest of the afternoon’s trainings went smoothly. Levi even jumped into the sparring ring at one point, to land Gunther on his back. He often felt Erwin’s eyes on him, a lustful expression painted on his face as he watched. It brought the slightest pleasure to Levi to perform for Erwin, to flaunt his skills. It was his way of goading the Commander, daring him to step into the ring and challenge Levi himself.  _ Try it, old man,  _ he often thought. But Erwin was much too respectable to spar with his subordinates.  _ Afraid of getting thrown on his ass in front of the soldiers under his command,  _ Levi knew _. _

After he dismissed his squad, Levi decided to take the maneuvering course himself. It was something he often did to keep his mind fresh and his skills sharp. Breezing through the trees, without any actual danger, he felt free, more at home in the air than on the ground. His movements were lithe, quick, unpredictable as he sliced through one training titan then the next. It was a dance of sorts, intricate and effortless, something he both enjoyed and anticipated. Without any titans around, nor any young scouts to get in his way, he was able to experiment, to test himself and push his own limits. 

He landed on his feet after completing the course several times over, barely having broken a sweat. As he examined the sharpness of his blades, he paused, feeling eyes on his back across the open field. He turned, expecting Erwin but was surprised to see Petra instead. 

“Oi, Petra!” She balked under his gaze and for the first time in a long time, Levi saw the blush return to her cheeks. 

“Captain! I’m sorry…I…I came back to sharpen my blades and I…I got distracted…we don’t see you maneuver that often…only on the field and…I’m sorry!” 

“It’s fine,” he snapped to cut off her rambling. She looked so embarrassed, so mortified to have been caught, he felt himself soften. “Don’t worry about it.”

She smiled slightly, obviously relieved. “Well…I’ll...” she gestured to the dulled blades in her hands then wavered a moment. “…Captain?”

“What is it?”  He could sense her delicateness, her caution, her hesitation. 

She blushed again. “I…I was wondering if you would…show me that grip you do? I’ve been trying it…on my own but I…feel so stupid. I can’t quite get the hang of it.”

He sheathed his blade and moved closer to her. “Put your arm out.” She did. Her eyes widened as he moved behind her, took her blade from her and put it back into her hand facing the opposite direction, all the while his hand own rested on her elbow. Slowly, he wove his fingers over hers, positioning hers the way he positioned his on his own hilt. He pretended he didn’t see the red blossoming over his cheeks and down her neck as their hands touched.

“There,” he said, observing her stance. “How does that feel?”

She laughed lightly. “Awkward…” 

“It should. I’ve been told many times that the blades aren’t designed to be used that way.”

“But they’ve never really been  _ used  _ before you…” her voice was quiet, as though she almost hadn’t meant for him to hear. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said…”

“Petra, stop apologizing.” Her eyes flitted to his face. “And don’t try that grip outside the walls until you’ve practiced with it first.”

She nodded. “Sir.”

“Those blades are dulled to hell. Get to the armory and get them sharpened. That’s an order.”

“Sir!” She saluted and then hurried away. Levi watched her go, a strange feeling settling over him after their interaction. He had always considered himself clumsy with social interactions, terrible at gaging the feelings and interests of others…but Petra was about as transparent as she was talented. Did she…? No. She was smarter than that. Too smart to have feelings for her commanding officer. Wasn’t she? He supposed if she was dumb enough to have feelings for him, it would make her just about as dumb as he was. 

The nightmares reoccurred every night leading up to the expedition. And every night he woke up sweating, shaking, with Erwin’s worried eyes on his face. And though Erwin would compel and inquire and poke and prod, Levi wouldn’t budge, wouldn’t concede to fill Erwin’s thoughts with the dark contents and burden him with what they might mean. 

The morning of the looming expedition, the air was cool and the sky was gray. Just like in his nightmares. Levi felt a shiver shoot up his spine but ignored it, forced it back. As they departed through the gates of Trost, into the titan wasteland that was now Wall Maria, clouds rolled in the distance, changing in hue from gray to purple. Levi’s squad seemed tense, he could see it in their faces. Was this their first mission under the threat of rain? Or were they merely taking cues from him? From his straight back, his gritted teeth, his narrowed eyes. He urged himself to remain calm, to keep his wits about him. To keep his Squad from seeing his fear.

Squad Levi, as always, would serve as an Assault Squad, taking out as many titans as quickly as possible to allow the other squads to advance as far as they could go with marginal points of attack. “Two on the right, one on the left!” Levi bellowed back and felt his scouts snap to attention behind him. “Eld, Gunther, take the right! Franz, Oruo, take the one on the left. Go!” Immediately, he heard a round of audible compliance before the rapid releasing of gears. He pushed forward with Petra in tow and within moments, the deed was done and the members of his squad landed back on their horses with minimal energy expenditure. 

Erwin’s plan this time was to push as far into wall Maria as possible and establish a base in one of the larger forests to the east, a feat they had not yet attempted, and one that seemed foolhardy to Levi, but he remained silent. As his Squad shot forward, Levi felt the first rain drop on his skin.  _ Stay calm. Stay steady,  _ he warned himself. But as the rain began to pick up and obscure his vision, Levi’s heart began to pound against his ribcage. It was so similar to his nightmare. So similar to that day that would haunt his memory forever. 

A rider approached. Levi recognized the shorn blonde hair and goggles from Hange’s squad. He rode up to Levi. “Sir!” he bellowed over the cascading droplets. “Message from the Commander!”

“What is it?”

“We’re falling back until the rain lets up. Back to the village outpost. Turn your squad around.”

“Fine.” Levi fired the green flare confirming the change of direction, that the message had been received. 

As they rounded back into the village near the entrance into Trost district, Levi could barely make out the encampment and the Scouts surrounding it. Pulling his horse nearer to the group, he could see Erwin barking orders from atop his horse. This outpost had served as a resting place and outlook point for the Scouts since the fall of Wall Maria. Loaded down with supplies and suitable shelters from the elements and titans alike, it was the perfect base. But sitting still outside the walls made Levi agitated and edgy.  He motioned for his squad to stay put and drew nearer to Erwin. 

“What’s the plan, Erwin?”

“We’re blinded in the rain and our flares have been rendered useless. We’ll stay here until the weather becomes more favorable.” Determination mingled with desperation in Erwin’s tone and Levi frowned. 

“It’s not showing any sign of letting up.”

“That’s my decision, Captain. Have your squad find a vantage point to keep a lookout.” Levi could sense the tension in the set of Erwin’s jaw. There would be no arguing with him. 

“Commander.”

As he moved away from Erwin, he could see Hange fidgeting nervously, arguing with one of the newer members of her squad, Moblit Berner. Moblit’s inquisitive mind and superior intellect made him a natural on Hange’s squad and his devotion to Hange was evident. He was one of the only members of the Scout Regiment who seemed able to reign Hange in, to help her see reason when she was otherwise incapable of doing so. 

“Squad Leader, that’s insane! In this weather – .”

“Nonsense. They wouldn’t see it coming…it’s the perfect titan catching scenario!”

“Squad Leader, you need to calm down!”

Levi rolled his eyes and moved away. But as the rain pounded on, a strange stillness settled over the area. The hair raised on the back of Levi’s neck and eyes immediately flew to Erwin’s, connecting meaningfully. Something was wrong. Startlingly similar to the day Wall Maria fell…And looking at the ghastly expressions painted on the faces of the scouts around him, Levi could tell they felt it as well. 

In the distance, lightning split the sky in an ephemeral and deafening crack before shooting to the earth and detonating outwards. It was the same gold-yellow lightning that they had seen that day…The ground moved then, rattled underneath them.  _ Not again. Not again,  _ Levi thought, his heart pounding. Something was running towards them, growing in size as it approached, as if blooming out of the very earth. A titan. The same female titan that had lead that horde upon them all those years ago. Its large shadow descended on them, blocking out whatever brief glimpses of sun broke through the rain, as it got closer and closer.

To his right, Levi heard Hange scream. “This is it, Erwin! This is it! We have to capture it! This is our chance! Think of the knowledge humanity could gain!”

Levi rounded on her, his eyes wide! “Hange, you fucking idiot! Do you remember what happened last time?” He whirled around to look at Erwin and growled out, “Erwin, we need to retreat!... Erwin!” But the look in Erwin’s blue eyes terrified him. It was a look of wonder…of lust.  _ No. No. No.  _  Levi’s breath caught in his throat. He knew Erwin’s command before the words slipped from his agape lips.   

“All Scouts, charge! We need to capture that titan! Take it down by any means necessary! But we take it alive!” 

“YES!” Hange was in the air before anyone could stop her. 

“Erwin!” Levi’s voice was desperate, hollow, and Erwin’s eyes narrowed. 

“Levi, your squad will support Squad Hange in the capture. Take it down.” He was unyielding, and Levi grit his teeth before nodding.  _ Trust Erwin. Trust Erwin. Trust Erwin.  _

“Commander.” He raced towards his squad, anger flooding his veins. What the hell was Erwin thinking? 

“Captain? Your orders?” Eld was trembling, a terrified look in his eyes. “What is that thing? Are we retreating?”

“We’re capturing it.” The shock was evident in the faces of all the members of his squad. Fear, trepidation, complete and total horror cascaded over and through all of them as heavily as the rain that soaked through their cloaks. “Get in the air. Petra, Eld, take an ankle each as it approaches. Gunther, Oruo, Franz, disable it. Bind its knees, bring it down. I’ll go for the eyes to disorient it. We want to take it alive…” He was having a difficult time hiding his anger. Anger at Erwin. At Hange. At the rain. At the fucking monstrosity of a titan charging towards them. But his Squad, diligent and obedient as ever, didn’t question him. They were in the air without hesitation, shooting towards the titan as it approached. 

All around him, Levi saw scouts shoot forwards, gears sputtering and hissing. The titan was on them within moments, its humanlike blue eyes burning down onto them, watching them the way a predator would its prey. This thing…this fucking monster…it was  _ different  _ than any other titan that had encountered. Normally, titans didn’t hesitate. They would reach out with greedy hands and wide-open mouths. They were unthinking, creatures of habit. But this titan was observing them, studying them, stark still as they flew towards it. It almost seemed to be contemplating its next move. This was more than an abnormal…this was something else entirely.

Levi shot towards it and flung his blades from his hands, aimed precisely to pierce the startling blue of its corneas. And it lunged out of the way. Levi had never seen a titan anticipate an attack like that before. As he darted around it to slice at its neck, it reached out and grabbed a hold of his cable. 

“Fuck!” He gasped as it pulled him back. He quickly released the cable and extended another, just narrowly missing being thrown into a nearby building. This fucking titan was self-aware. It was paying attention, playing with them like toy soldiers. And it knew about their maneuvering gear somehow…As he wound around, he watched in horror as the titan grabbed a hold of another cable – this time one of Hange’s, and threw her to the ground. Her body skidded and collapsed, unmoving against the cobblestones, leaving a trail of blood in its wake. Moblit tore through the air to get to her and barely had enough time to move her unresponsive form out of the way before the titan slammed a foot into the stones where she had just been laying. 

It was turning into a bloodbath. All around him, Levi could see bodies crashing into buildings, into the ground, could see blood spewing from torn limbs as the titan anticipated movements and dove out of the way from almost every impending attack. One titan. One titan against the entire Survey Corps. And it was winning…

“Enough of this!” Levi growled. He bellowed down to his squad to get out of the way, to get back on their horses. And then he flew towards the titan’s nape…only to have his blades shatter as it covered its vulnerable spot with a hand as hard as steel. “What the hell!” He fell back, landed on his feet then lunged out of the way as the titan extended a long leg out and made to squash him into a bloody pulp. 

“Captain! Watch out!” He heard Petra scream. Another foot almost landed on top of him. He shot his grapple into a nearby building and leapt into the air, spinning and twisting in rapid movements to avoid the titan’s flailing and grasping arms. 

“All scouts retreat!” Finally. Levi heard the desperation in Erwin’s voice as he ordered the Scouts to pull back. 

As the remaining soldiers remounted their horses and tore away from the scene, the female titan let out a piercing scream, rattling the very molecules in the air. She stood completely frozen to the spot as the Scouts forced a retreat towards Trost district, not following…just watching. Then, almost out of nowhere, close to two dozen or more titans began making themselves visible, bolting towards them with unnatural speed. Just like last time. “Dammit!” Levi cried out. “Erwin, we have to increase our speed!”

“Full speed, troops!” Erwin’s voice resonated through the ranks as terrified eyes looked back and forth, considering the waning distance between themselves and the titans on their heels. 

“Captain! We’re not going to make it!” Petra’s scream chilled Levi to his core. 

“Petra, ride ahead and alert the Garrison of our arrival!” Levi yelled back. 

“Sir!” He watched her go, pushing her horse harder than he had ever seen her push before.

But the titans were still gaining. How was this possible?

“Erwin!” Levi’s voice echoed through the rain and the fog. “I’m dispatching my squad to take some of those titans down. Keep pushing forward. We may be able to get rid of the ones nearest the formation and buy more time!”

“Go!” He heard Erwin’s hoarse response and then turned back to his squad. It was now or never. He had to trust in them, had to rely on their skills rather than fear losing them…

“Focus on the titans closest to us! Don’t hesitate. Let’s go!” And he was off his horse, hearing the sounds of grappling hooks shooting and gas sputtering out.  

They were able to down about ten titans and Levi himself, brought down four, buying enough time and making enough of a gap between the formation and the titans. Levi gave the call to remount and retreat, and his squad caught up with the rest of the scouts with relative ease. As they finally neared the wall, Levi allowed himself to feel the weight of his anger and disappointment. Fucking Erwin. How could he have allowed this to happen? What had he been thinking? At least fifteen lives had been lost and more than that were injured, Hange included. Her unconscious body had been loaded in the back of one of their carts, a large gash on her forehead. If she died because of Erwin’s split-second decision, Levi knew he would have a hard time forgiving his Commander of it. 

He chanced a quick glance over at Erwin and was surprised to see the bewildered look on his face. Was this perhaps the first time that Erwin Smith had been failed by his own instincts? The Commander was gazing straight ahead, eyes glazed over, looking at nothing in particular, refusing to meet any eyes that landed on him. And Levi bit back the fury that raged through him as they headed through the gates of Trost district, returning from the first failed mission in what seemed like months. 

Once they reached headquarters, Levi stalled his horse, gave her water and hay and then headed to the bathhouse without a word to anyone. Not to his Squad. Not to Erwin. Not to Mike or Nanaba. Not to Moblit as he rushed Hange to the infirmary. 

And after he was cleaned, Levi sought refuge in his own room, avoiding Erwin at all costs. This would be the first night in many nights that he did not…would not…stay with Erwin. He couldn’t bring himself to face the man who had carelessly cost them so many lives, who had made a wasteful, rash decision…ignoring Levi’s imploring’s and urgings.  

He paced his chambers. Clean. Simple. Spacious. Mostly untouched for weeks. He collapsed on the bed in the corner of his room, glaring at the ceiling, lost in thought, in anger, in grief. He had lost no men today but how many squads could not say the same?

A knock on his door interrupted his musings. He clenched his eyes shut tight, brought his thumb and forefinger over the crease between his eyebrows and squeezed in frustration.

“Levi…” Fucking Erwin. Another knock, this one more persistent. “Levi…I need to see you.”

“Not. Now.” His voice was reflective of the churning and swirling resentment that consumed his mind. 

Silence. Had it worked? Levi hadn’t thought Erwin would back off quite so easily. He sat up and glared at the door. 

Another knock. He should have known. “Levi…please…”

Fucking Erwin and his fucking  _ manners.  _ Levi stood slowly, taking his time walking to the door. He damned himself for not being able to ignore Erwin, for not being able to turn him away. But he would make him answer for his sins. And he wouldn’t go easy on him. 

He opened the door just wide enough that he could see out but not wide enough so as to invite Erwin inside. Levi’s face was set in stone, his eyes burning, penetrating, stinging. But the look on Erwin’s face melted so much of the cold exterior he hoped to exude. The man before him was a broken man, a man amid a sea of torment. He seemed almost surprised that Levi had answered the door at all. 

“Levi…I…”

“No. I don’t want any of your excuses or reasoning. You made the decision. You made the wrong decision.”

“I did.”

Levi’s eyes widened. He waited in silence, studying the pained wrinkles that marred Erwin’s face. 

“I made the wrong decision and we lost lives because of it…Levi…I’m afraid I would make the same decision again…if given the choice…”

“Erwin…”

“A chance like that…to capture that abnormal…if that’s what it even was…”

“With no planning and no equipment…decided completely impulsively. You acted like a novice and made a bad decision, Erwin. You weren’t thinking…”

“You’re right.” Erwin scoffed. “You’re always right…” He put his head in his hands, leaned against the door frame, pressing closer to Levi. 

Levi stepped back, held the door open, allowed Erwin to stumble inside and then shut the door behind him. Erwin walked over to Levi’s small bed, sank down onto it, legs spread, head in his hands. He was still in his uniform. Still covered in the dirt and grime of the mission and Levi’s eyes narrowed seeing that Erwin had tracked a good deal of it onto the floor. 

“That’s the second time we’ve seen that…that thing…” Erwin whispered. “It’s a titan…but unlike any other we’ve encountered. It’s sentient, Levi. I swear it. Conscious, thinking, calculating. It’s almost…human…”

Levi glowered at him. “It’s a titan, Erwin.”

“But it’s not just that…and you know it…”

“What I know is that acting so rashly cost us unnecessary lives…almost cost us Hange’s life. I expected that recklessness from her but not from you, Erwin.” Levi’s voice was harsh, cutting, like the edge of a knife sliding across Erwin’s skin. 

“Have you lost faith in me, Levi?” Erwin’s eyes turned up to meet Levi’s, a strange look on his face. It tore at Levi’s heart, the same heart that, before Erwin, Levi had thought to be cold, incapable of sympathy or compassion. But for Erwin, his frozen heart often melted in his chest, despite his best efforts to the contrary. 

“Fuck, Erwin.” He sighed. “I’m not happy.”

Erwin nodded. “I didn’t expect you would be.”

Levi moved closer, knelt between Erwin’s legs and placed a comforting hand on his knee as his eyes bore into Erwin’s face. “But I trust you. I trust your judgment. And I’ll continue to follow you...You should know that by now…”

“I don’t deserve you.” Erwin wove a hand through the back of Levi’s hair.

“Shut up, Erwin.”

A pause as Erwin studied him, eyes roaming as his hands moved from Levi’s cheek to his neck, to tangle in his hair. “Will you come here?”

Levi leaned in, whispered in his ear. “You’re a fucking mess, Smith. You’ll get me all dirty.”

Erwin caught Levi’s lips with his own. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

How Erwin was able to do that, to so easily wear down his resolve and reel him back in, was a mystery to Levi. But he always seemed to be able to do so, to bring Levi back to his side, to win his forgiveness. Levi leaned into him, placed his lips on Erwin’s, wound his hands behind Erwin’s neck and pulled him in close. 

Before he knew it, Levi was on his back on the bed, consumed by the fire in Erwin’s touch as the lightweight gray shirt he had been wearing was forcefully pulled over his head. Erwin was panting heavily, clawing at his body, hungry, violent, unlike himself. His teeth grazed over Levi’s skin, biting down hard, making Levi cry out and fight back against the forceful, passionate urgency. 

Erwin began to rut against Levi’s leg and Levi could feel his solid member grind against him. He reached down and grasped Erwin on top of his pants and Erwin moaned deeply, breathing into Levi’s neck. “I want you…I want you all the time,” Erwin whispered. Levi unbuttoned the top of Erwin’s pants, slid his hand underneath the fabric and Erwin let out a pitiful whimper against him. “Fuck, Levi…” His mouth was open, Levi could feel his hot breath against the naked skin of his chest. 

A trembling knock at the door broke them both out of the moment, panting, lusty, shaking and sweating. Erwin’s face searched Levi’s, begged him to ignore the disruption, as his hands grasped firmly at the skin on Levi’s back, his nails digging in and procuring a hiss from Levi’s lips. 

The knock again and Petra’s small, feeble voice. “Captain…are you in there?”

Levi sighed. He had avoided his squad, abandoned them to their own confusion and wild imaginations. He was sure that in their solitude, they had come to faulty conclusions, writhed over false beliefs and fears. He had an obligation to them. To Petra especially. 

“Captain…I’m so sorry…I…I’m just so lost. I don’t understand what happened out there…I need…your guidance…” He thought he heard her snuffle, a soft sob. 

Levi saw the resignation in Erwin’s eyes, acceptance that the moment had come to an end. “Petra,” he spoke her name out loud and rose from the bed, grabbing his discarded shirt and pulling it back over his head. “Give me a minute, yea?”

“Of course, sir…” her voice echoed from the other side of the door. 

Levi’s eyes shot to Erwin’s. “Stay here. I’ll take her on a walk, give you a moment to slip out unnoticed.”

“Perhaps I’ll stay until you get back.” The hungry look hadn’t left Erwin’s eyes and he hadn’t moved from his spot on Levi’s bed. 

Levi leaned over him, laid a harsh, hurried kiss on his forehead. “Fine. Stay out of sight.”

He moved towards the door and opened it just enough to see Petra’s face. He slipped outside and shut the door behind him, not allowing Petra to see inside. Her face was blotchy, red, and her cheeks were swollen. “Captain,” she sputtered out as he appeared in her line of vision. “Am I interrupting?”

“No,” he snapped and moved away from the door, strolling down the hall and expecting her to follow. Her quiet footsteps behind him told him she was doing so. 

“Captain…” her voice was uncertain as she kept pace with him. “Where are we going?”

“A walk will help clear your head. You trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Good then.”

Silence for a moment. As they stepped outside, Levi could hear Petra’s slight inhale as the cool, fresh air enveloped them. The stars were bright in the sky, twinkling, illuminating the night with a subtle white glow. Levi stopped, staring at them for a moment and Petra came to stand beside him, mirroring his stance. “I see you looking at the stars all the time,” her voice was a whisper. “Now I understand why.”

He turned and met her eyes. She was smiling slightly, tears brimming against the gold irises, threatening to fall. She blinked them away fiercely. “There’s so much I don’t understand, Captain. Today is the first day that I…I felt fear…I felt doubt…in the Commander. I felt...afraid of him...”

Levi’s heart wrenched in his chest. His eyes widened as he looked at Petra. “Petra…”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t speak that way but…his decision…you were doubting him too, I could see it on your face. We should never have tried to capture that titan.”

Rather than deny it, Levi nodded. Petra would see through his ruse either way. “You’re right. I did doubt…in that moment, it seemed a foolish, dangerous decision. But Petra…if we can’t trust in Erwin, who can we trust in?”

“I trust in you.” Her voice was so resolute, so firm. His breath hitched. Hearing those words seemed like treason, like a betrayal of the man he loved. 

“And I trust in Erwin. You should too.” 

Her head fell, her resolve lost. “I…I’m sorry.”

“You apologize more than anyone I’ve ever met. Knock that shit off.”

“I’m sor – ”

“Petra,” he warned, and she laughed lightly. His brow furrowed, and he looked back up at the stars. “You’re not wrong to question decisions that seem wrong to you. It’s that logical brain, that sense of right and wrong that will make you a strong squad leader one day.”

She glowed under the starlight, blushed deeply at his praise. 

“But…Erwin Smith has done things for the Scout Regiment that you and I could never comprehend. He’s given us so much, abandoned so much of himself to ensure our fight will continue on. We have to trust in his leadership…have to. We don’t have a choice. Without Erwin, we’re doomed. Do you understand that, Petra?”

Her eyes were wide. She nodded.

“Come on,” Levi began to walk, picking up his pace to a steady stride. She remained at his side, and he could tell she was taking comfort in his presence, her cloak pulled around her shoulders, her eyes set on the stars. They rounded headquarters in silence twice, their strides even paced, measured. Slowly, Levi felt Petra’s anxiety fade away, felt her calm by his side. On the end of their second lap, he came to a stop at the gate, turned to face her.

“How do you feel?” he asked her. 

“Much better,” she breathed. After a moment of staring at him with a strange look on her face, she drew in and gently pressed her body against his, laid her head upon his chest. She held onto him for a long moment, her hand balled into a fist around his shirt and he could feel her heart beat rapidly against his. He stood stark still, rooted to the spot in absolute shock, unsure of how he should respond. Awkwardly, uncertainly, he raised his arms and wrapped them around her shoulders, returning the embrace. She let out a slight gasp when she felt his arms envelope her. He could tell she didn’t want to let go. But slowly, he began to break away. Best not to prolong something so impossible, something so foolhardy.

“Captain…”

“Don’t apologize,” he snapped, and she shook her head. “And don’t you dare say anything to anyone about this…”

“Of course not. You have a reputation to maintain.” She smiled. 

“That I do.” He returned the slight smile and she flushed. She turned to head towards the barracks, paused for a moment and then faced him once more, her eyes shining.

“Thank you, Captain…” It was so simple a phrase, so innocent. And yet so full of meaning, so fraught, so weighted. 

“Get some sleep, Petra.”  And he headed back to his room, his unease still hanging heavily in the air. 

Erwin was fast asleep on his bed when he returned. He had removed his gear and harnesses as well as his boots, and his cloak lay discarded on the floor. The sheets lay undisturbed beneath him, an act of kindness for which Levi was incredibly grateful given Erwin’s current state of filth. Levi moved to the bed and sat next to him, running his hand through Erwin’s hair, brushing it back from his eyes. Erwin stirred, his eyelids fluttering open as he gently grabbed a hold of Levi’s hand, took it into his own and brought it to his lips. 

“You look so stupidly peaceful when you’re asleep,” Levi smiled slightly. “I almost didn’t want to wake you up and bring you back into this piece of shit world.”

Erwin sighed softly. “I’m glad you did. Was Petra all right?”

Levi stilled. “She was…upset.”

Erwin nodded. “With me.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “You knew?”

“She’s highly intelligent and highly attuned to you.” Erwin chucked to himself. “You must see how enamored she is of you.”

Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes. “She’s too smart for that.”

Erwin’s eyes narrowed into a playful smirk. “Is she? Are any of us?”

Levi shook his head, feeling the weight of his own words. “She knows it’s something I can never give.”

“And yet she will always be burdened the hope that one day that may change.” He sat up, stretched and moved closer to Levi so he could wind his arms around Levi’s smaller set of shoulders. With grasping, greedy hands, he grabbed a hold of Levi’s shirt and pulled him backwards to land on his back on the bed. With one quick movement, he was on top of Levi, his legs straddling Levi’s waist. “There was a time when I too was burdened by that hope. And look now, how that hope paid off.”

Levi rolled his eyes, attempted to force Erwin off of him but Erwin had the advantage of larger size, heavier weight. He took Levi’s wrists in his own and brought them above Levi’s head, holding them down, pinning his body to the bed. If he wanted to, Levi knew he could overpower Erwin, but in that moment, it felt good to be Erwin’s captive, to submit to his binds. 

“I know you love me, Levi. And there are times I don’t know why…but I’m grateful for your love. Though I won’t ever deserve it…I’ll do my best to do it justice, to do right by it. To be worthy of it.”

“Erwin…”

“I won’t allow Hange to attempt another titan capture.”

Levi’s eyes widened and Erwin continued. “My carelessness could have killed us all. It could have killed you. And I won’t lose you to something so foolish, something so reckless.”

“Prefer to have my death be well-planned and poignant, Smith?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

“I prefer to have it mean something. I won’t let you die for nothing.”

Levi bucked underneath Erwin’s hips and Erwin laughed out loud, writhed against Levi. He brought his lips to Levi’s neck and moaned as his hips continued to grind against Levi’s. 

“Awfully fucking morbid, Erwin. Getting hard talking about my death.” Levi squirmed under Erwin, tugged at the tight grip on his wrists. 

Erwin switched up his hold, put both of Levi’s small wrists into one of his fists and allowed his other hand to slip up Levi’s shirt, caress the skin of his chest then wander down to the line of his pants, trail down to cup his cock. Levi gasped.

“I don’t want to talk about your death, Levi. I don’t want to think about it. Not tonight. Not ever.” His thumb was toying with the tip of Levi’s cock and Levi found himself breathless with the sensation, lulled out of the moment, eyes rolling back.  Erwin’s lips found Levi’s once more, kissing with a gasping, fervent passion.

He paused for a moment and Levi’s eyes snapped back open, narrowing in annoyance. “What is it? Why’d you stop?”

“Hold still.” Erwin let go of Levi’s wrists, slipped both hands under the hem of his shirt and tugged it over his head. Levi made to move his hands down, to wrap them behind Erwin’s neck and Erwin grasped his wrists again, moved them back up above his head. “No. Hold still.” As Erwin pulled Levi’s shirt up, he wrapped it tightly around his wrists, used it to tie his wrists together, bind him to the bed. 

“What are you doing?” Levi’s eyes widened.

“You said you trust me…so trust me.” 

Levi leaned his head back, submitted to Erwin’s touch, to the hands that trailed down his chest. Erwin roughly grabbed the hem of Levi’s pants and forcefully tugged them down, exposing his hard member, his muscular legs. Before situating himself between Levi’s legs, Erwin tore off his own trousers, then began to grind himself against Levi while winding his hands behind Levi’s neck to bring Levi’s lips to his own. 

The marginal touch was not enough. It was causing a longing in Levi’s loins, a stiff pain in his lower appendages. It was almost like Erwin was giving him just enough…yet not quite  _ enough _ . Levi attempted to arch his hips up to get more friction, more touch and Erwin forcefully grasped his hips, pinned them back to the bed. Levi growled in irritation. 

“You’re being impatient.” Erwin chided and Levi’s eyes narrowed in defiance. He bucked his hips hard and Erwin laughed, leaned in and nipped at Levi’s neck. “Patience or I won’t allow you any release tonight…”

“You’re doing this on purpose, you fucker.” 

“All in due time, I promise.” Erwin’s lips trailed down Levi’s chest and Levi felt teeth gently close over his right nipple. He gasped and writhed underneath Erwin only to feel a tongue toy with the sensitive spot followed by a desperate sucking sensation. He cried out, tugged at the shirt that was expertly holding his wrists together. 

Erwin’s hands were exploring all the muscles of his stomach, trailing down his legs, delicately sliding up and down his inner thighs and just narrowly avoiding touching his solid, aching cock. Teasing, toying, torturing, while still Erwin’s mouth trailed over his nipples, one after the other and across the smooth skin of his neck. 

“What do you want?” Erwin moaned against Levi’s neck, rutting his own cock against Levi’s leg. Levi could feel the solid mass of it, the heavy arousal. 

“You’re a self-indulgent prick…” Levi groaned as Erwin dug his teeth into his neck, breathed heavily into the delicate skin.

“And yet you want me.” Erwin’s hands had found their way to the underside of Levi’s back, were grasping tightly at his ass, cupping both cheeks, squeezing hard. “Say you want me.”

“Fuck Erwin,” Levi gasped. “I want you. I fucking want you, ok?”

“Say that you you’re mine. And mine alone.”

Lightly, one of Erwin’s fingers slid between Levi’s legs, toyed with his opening. Just barely touching him and yet shooting off sparks of pleasure and desire. Fuck this was painful. Levi panted in desperation and frustration and longing. “I’m yours.”

“Alone. Say it. Say you belong to me alone.” Another finger lightly brushed over the head of his cock and his hips shot upwards unwillingly. He whimpered and Erwin rewarded him by leaning in and licking the slit slowly. 

“I’m yours…alone…fuck…I belong to you…Erwin Smith…” He could barely get the words out through the pleasure, the swirling sensations. His heart was pounding ….for a moment, Levi thought it might implode in his chest and end him. 

Before he knew it, Erwin’s finger entered him, slick with oil. Levi hadn’t seen Erwin grab for the bottle but he didn’t have time to think about it, too consumed with the pleasure, the anticipation. As Erwin’s fingers slowly, achingly widened him, preparing him, Erwin’s mouth slid over his cock, Erwin’s tongue playing with the slit, dancing around the head. By the time Erwin’s cock slipped inside him, he was already close, stars skipping behind his pinched eyelids. 

Levi came only moments before Erwin did, his cock grasped firmly in Erwin’s hand. The build-up and sudden release was a cascading, urgent flood and he wrenched at the knot holding him still. His breathing was heavy and Erwin sighed heavily as he crashed down next to Levi’s head. Levi’s arms were running out of blood, beginning to tingle and twitch and he demandingly kicked out at Erwin.

“Untie me, Smith.”

Erwin chuckled, kissed his lips and sat up to undo the knot.

“My shirt is ruined…thanks for that.” Levi growled and Erwin nodded. 

“I’ll get you a new one.”

Levi rolled his eyes, bringing his arms back to his chest, rubbing them forcefully to bring them back to life. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Erwin and that smarmy, satisfied look at colored his features.

“What was that all about, then?” 

Erwin turned on his side so he was facing Levi. He reached out, put a hand on Levi’s face, gently caressing his cheek, lacing fingers delicately through his hair. “Everyone wants Captain Levi…the nobles, the scouts…even the members of your own Squad…but it feels good to remind you…where you belong…with whom you belong…”

Levi shook his head. “You idiot.” He leaned in, placed a kiss on Erwin’s parted lips before drawing back and peering into that sea of stormy blue eyes. “I never doubted that. I never will.”

Erwin’s arms wound around Levi’s waist, pulled him tightly against his stomach. “I love you.”

Levi smirked. “I know.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda love Petra. It's basically canon that she's in love with Levi, right?
> 
> Let me know what you think about this extra long, extra smutty chapter :) 
> 
> Much love!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!
> 
> So good news and bad news. Bad news is that this is the last chapter of Violent Desire but the good news is that I'll be starting with part three next week - Dangerous Games! This worked out really well with SNK season 3 premiering this weekend :)
> 
> This chapter is shorter, hope you don't mind. It gets us to where we need to be for Part Three!
> 
> Also, I will probably be posting my AU fic (Fracture) this weekend as well so be on the lookout for that.
> 
> Chapter song is World Gone Mad by Bastille. Really good song :)

Hange had suffered a concussion, several broken ribs, a broken nose and a fractured wrist. The very fact that she was alive seemed miraculous. But her energy and determination had not dissipated in the slightest. She twitched and tittered on the hospital bed to which she had been assigned, obviously discontented to sit, to take the time required to heal.

“You fucking cockroach…” Levi smirked, sitting next to her bedside. It was difficult for her to return the smile, but she did her best. “I can’t believe you still have all your teeth and both eyes after that…”

She laughed out loud and them grimaced in pain. “Ow…Levi, stop making me laugh…”

“Squad Leader, you need to rest.” Moblit hadn’t left her side since the day he had rushed her to the infirmary. The serious set of his face was rivalled only by Levi’s own, the tautness in his shoulders and bags under his eyes indicating an exhaustion to which he would not deign admit.  

“Oh Moblit…you’re such a stiff,” Hange brushed him off. “I’m fine. You’re the one who needs to rest…You’ve been awake for days.”

Moblit stiffened and Levi nodded. “She’s fine, Berner. I’ll keep her in line. Go get some sleep, yea?”

Moblit’s eyes narrowed and he sighed heavily but yielded despite his resignation. “Make sure she stays in bed?”

“I think I can manage that…” Levi’s arms were folded across his chest and his right leg crossed over his left, a picture of leisure. He glanced at Hange out of the corner of his eye, a slight smile playing on his lips. 

“She’s stronger than she looks,” Moblit muttered and Hange laughed again. 

“Owwww…Moblit, get out of here. I’m fine!” 

Moblit saluted and then turned on his heel to exit Hange’s room. Levi watched him go. It was curious, the devotion the young scout had for his squad leader. His eyes met Hange’s. “He’s strange, that one…”

“Strange? How so?”

“He seems to like you…his blind commitment to you is…off-putting…what’s wrong with him?”

“Hey!” Hange squealed. “Just because he doesn’t think I’m a complete weirdo doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with him. He’s the perfect soldier…completely devoted to the Corps –”

“To you…”

Hange blushed under the bruises on her face. “Levi…”

“The way he looks at you is kinda pathetic.” 

“Perhaps…kindred spirits are often drawn together like magnets.” She sighed. “I guess it makes sense... He’s resourceful, highly intelligent, open-minded…”

Levi rolled his eyes. “He would have to be to hang around you.”

“He’s invaluable. I owe him my life.” 

Silence then as the realization hung over them. That had it not been for Moblit Berner, Hange Zoe might no longer be alive. 

Levi drew his eyes away from Hange. “You’re done with the titan capturing crusade then?”

Hange’s head snapped up, her eyes wide behind her glasses. “Of course not! Are you kidding? I just got Erwin to agree to a capture!”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “And it ended in complete and total failure and the loss of Survey Corps lives. You’ll be hard-pressed to get him to agree again.”

“Levi, you have to know the importance of it – .” Desperation was evident in the eccentric tone of her voice, the high-pitched tenor. Levi cut through her words.

“No.” He stood, his lips pressed into a thin, hard line. “No more, Hange. It’s done. Let it drop.”

Hange pursed her lips. “We’ll see about that. You’ll come around.”

“I hardly think so, four-eyes. Go back to sleep. You’re so much less annoying when you’re unconscious.”

Erwin came to check in on Hange several times during the course of her hospital stay. Levi could see the self-blame and guilt hidden in his eyes. But his determination to steer clear of any future attempts at titan capture was written all over his face. And all of Hange’s begging and pleading did nothing to convince him otherwise. He treated her with delicacy and gentleness in her current state, but his resolve was firm. And the next several missions came and went with relative success and no efforts at titan capture. 

That was, until the discovery of Ilse Lagnar’s journal and the revelation that perhaps there truly was so much more to learn about titans, so much more they could never have anticipated, could never have known. Hange was bouncing with determination, her hands trembling as she approached Erwin’s office and laid her proposal at his fingertips. The idea that titans could form words and coherent sentences, that they would memorialize and build shrines to the humans they killed…it spoke to something unexpected in their nature, something both confounding and crucially important to humanity’s survival.

And Levi had known, before Erwin gave the formal announcement, that they would stage a mission with the sole purpose of titan capture. 

Erwin’s hands shook as he looked at Levi in the safety of his office, tightly holding Hange’s proposal. “Levi, tell me this is right...tell me this is the right decision.Can you be behind me on this?”

And Levi, who had been there that day, who had witnessed the shrine to Ilse, who had been the one to find the journal himself, resigned himself to the importance of it all. He conceded, nodded and watched as Erwin signed his name to the proposal in delicate winding script. The first mission to capture a titan was underway.

But this time, they would be prepared. This time, they would not fail, and they would not lose lives. With preparation and Hange’s inventive mind, the Scouts were able to stage the first successful titan capture in over 15 years, pinning down not one but two titans upon which Hange could experiment and perform research. 

Levi could still remember Oruo’s muttering and complaining, Petra’s wide eyes and the fearful tremble in her voice, Eld’s stern look and Gunther’s nervous laughter. But as they always did, his squad followed his orders and assisted Hange’s squad in bringing the titans down. The excited energy that fell over the Corps then, as they transported the titans back to Trost…it bubbled and coursed through them all, uniting them with purpose, passion and a newfound pride. Who else but the Survey Corps would have been able to perform such a feat?

During that time, Hange was a mess of nervous energy and fierce determination. She went so far as to name her titan captives, cry over their pained expressions and even mourn their loss when one of her experiments went too far, resulting in their accidental deaths. Levi found it odd that anyone in their right mind could feel any sort of affection towards the titans…but then Hange had never truly been in her “right mind.” And that compassion almost seemed to fuel her fire, drive her fight to learn, to explore and to continue in her exploits. He supposed that they all dealt with the titans in their own ways. Where his hatred burned inside him, her curiosity compelled her onwards instead. 

And Erwin…Erwin seemed driven by something else entirely. Was it the cause of the human race? The pull towards the truth? The thought of a world without titans? Every step they made, every discovery they uncovered, brought about a change in Erwin and Levi watched him transform, if ever so slightly, into something…else. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but as they got closer and closer to the truth, Levi felt Erwin pull farther and farther away. When they slept together, it felt more rushed, more tedious, less passionate. And as Erwin became more invested in his role as Commander, he became less present in those quiet, infrequent moments. His mind always seemed to be writhing, churning and contemplating, drawing him into a spiral of tedium and planning. 

Levi would often sit beside him in the silence, listening to his quiet mumblings and the quick scratch of his pen tracing the paper. Levi himself was there for consultation, for comfort. And because he knew that Erwin needed him. Occasionally, Erwin’s eyes would break away from the work that consumed him, to settle on Levi’s lounging form. A slight smile would color his features and desire would flicker over his face as he watched Levi. And Levi, completely aware of those hungry blue eyes, would indulge Erwin, re-cross his legs, shift his weight to allow the Commander a better view. But he never approached. If Erwin wanted him, he would have to put the Commander mask away, if only for a few brief intimate moments. During that busy time, Erwin came to bed with Levi less and less often, spending most nights dozing at his desk, his head in his hands when he could barely stand to keep it up on its own. But Levi wouldn’t push. Thus, he usually spent his own nights asleep on Erwin’s office chaise, or sitting curled in the chair in his own room…Erwin noticeably absent. 

The rare instances not with Erwin, Levi spent with his squad, training with them, conversing with them, enjoying the simplicity of being in their presence. They had developed a rapport and trust that was soothing to Levi, reminded him so much of that which he had had with Isabel and Furlan. 

Since their conversation and walk around headquarters the night of the failed expedition, Petra seemed bolder, more confident. She approached Levi without hesitation, pushed to stand by his side and engage him more fiercely than any of the others. And it was during this time that Levi noticed Oruo’s subtle change, his attempt to morph himself into a proxy of Levi himself. His speech, always grating and sharp, became more cutting, more direct. He began sporting a cravat around his neck, looking down the bridge of his nose when speaking to the others. And it irritated no one more than it did Petra. 

When they thought he was not near, Levi would overhear Petra snap at Oruo. “Are you trying to talk like the Captain? The Captain doesn’t talk like that…”

And Oruo would brush her off with a quip about her “just not understanding” his “superior intellect.”

It amused Levi despite his annoyance. He knew the reasoning behind Oruo’s subtle change. And it was confirmed during one of Levi’s late evening walks of the grounds, after dusk. He usually made his rounds after dark had settled to avoid wandering eyes and soldiers attempting to engage him in dull conversations. That night, as he hastily breezed past the barracks, he overheard voices he would have recognized anywhere. He scaled the side of the building, hidden just out of sight, leaning up against the brick walls, listening in. 

“Come on, Petra. …it’s just one cup of tea.”

“How many times do I have to tell you, Oruo? I’m not interested!”

“It’s not like I’m asking you to be my wife. You should be so lucky…”

“Ugh…Oruo…how many times do I have to tell you? Captain Levi does not talk like that!”

“Who says I’m trying to talk like the Captain? Why would I need to do that when I’m already perfect the way I am?”

“I’m leaving.”

“Wait…Petra…” Levi sensed hesitation in Oruo’s voice. “I…I’m sorry, alright? I just…I’ve been really wanting to…”

“I know what you want, Oruo. And I’m not interested.” The sharpness in Petra’s tone was cutting, harsh and Levi was sure that Oruo flinched in spite of himself.

“Well why not? Would it really kill you to have a cup of tea with me?”

A pause, hesitation. “No…and yes…It’s just…”

“You’re in love with someone else.”

Silence for a brief moment. Then, Petra’s voice quavered, trembled, its timbre a high-pitched shake. “Why would you…”

“The Captain won’t ever love you back, Petra. That’s not his way.”

“You don’t know anything about it!” Petra’s voice was raised slightly. “You keep your mouth shut about things you couldn’t possibly understand.”

“Petra, you’re being stupid. You’re holding onto this idea…this dream…that won’t ever come true. And you won’t even see what’s right in front of you.” Oruo sounded almost defeated. “I could make you happy…I could try…”

“You have no idea how to make me happy.”

“I’m trying, Petra…”

“That’s what all this is about, isn’t it? Trying to be like the Captain. The cravat, the haircut, the  _ tone _ . You’ll never be like Levi, Oruo. So, knock it off.”

“Petra…wait – .”

“I’m going to bed, Oruo. I think you should do the same.” Levi heard her footsteps retreat away towards the women’s barracks. Heard Oruo’s heavy sigh and grumble as he turned into the men’s barracks.

The insight gleaned from this conversation set Levi on edge. Erwin had been right. In some way, Petra had feelings for her Captain, feelings outside the scope of what a Soldier should feel for her commanding officer. But he couldn’t fault her for it. Not when so much of his own world was so heavily revolved around Erwin Smith. In the Corps they all seemed to have dreams that would never come to fruition, dreams that enslaved them, held them captive. Petra dreamed of Levi, Oruo of Petra. Hange dreamed of unravelling the secrets of the titans. Mike of a world without them. Erwin’s dream of finding out the truth consumed him. And Levi…he wasn’t sure if he even remembered how to dream.  But any dream he might have revolved around Erwin. Erwin at the end of the world. Erwin outside the walls, free from the chains of leadership, of death. To Levi, there was nothing else. 

That night, he wandered up to Erwin’s bedroom to find the light off and the door locked. As Levi knew he would be, Erwin was still in his office, barricaded under piles of paperwork, his eyes tired and bloodshot, his head drooping ever so slightly. 

He didn’t knock. He never did anymore. And Erwin didn’t look up as he entered. It was an understanding of sorts. No one else would approach at this hour, much less enter without first asking for permission. But Levi took his place, leaned back on the red velvet chaise adjacent to Erwin’s desk and picked up the book he had been reading to pass the time, a ponderous tome depicting the history of the walls. It remained undisturbed from the last time Levi had opened it. Seeing the page still marked where Levi had left it caused his lips to curl into a slight smile. It was his quiet mark on Erwin’s office, proof of his place at the Commander’s side.

Scratching continued then a heavy sigh as Erwin’s pen stopped. Levi looked up to see Erwin’s eyes on him. “You need something, Erwin?” His eyebrow was raised as he observed Erwin’s handsome face over the pages of the book he was holding. 

Erwin smirked and shook his head. “So many things.”

“Some sleep, perhaps?” Levi let the book fall to his waist as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Not yet. I have…” he gestured to the stack of papers on his desk. “…A few more items to get through.”

“Nothing that can wait, obviously…”

“No, of course not.” 

“Tsk…” Levi scoffed and brought the book back up to his nose, pretending to be immersed in the pages but cognizant of the screech of wood on wood as Erwin pushed his chair back and stood. Approached. His footsteps were quiet but steady. They almost dragged on the floor. Levi could sense the exhaustion in his bones. When he was only inches away from Levi, Erwin put a hand on the book he was holding and lowered it, allowing his eyes to bore into Levi’s. The kiss he pressed to Levi’s lips was the most passionate he had given in weeks. His tongue forced its way into Levi’s mouth as Erwin’s hands tugged on his hair. The book fell open on the floor as Levi reached up and met Erwin’s touch. 

“Come to bed with me,” he whispered against Erwin’s mouth. Erwin pulled back slightly, laid his forehead against Levi’s, sighed, weary, begrudging. 

“I wish I could.” He placed a kiss on Levi’s cheek, bent down to pick up his discarded book. “You should get some sleep.”

“I’ll stay here.” Levi settled himself back on the chaise as he attempted to settle the pounding of his heart, the hum of his arousal. 

“Of course…Stay as long as you want.” 

During the next few hours, Levi did his best to be as much of a distraction as possible. Though Levi considered himself inept at any methods of flirtation, he was sure he knew the ways to subtly arouse Erwin. Crossing his legs, uncrossing them, spreading them, laying back in the chaise, brushing his hair back from his neck, taking his jacket off, removing his cravat. And though he felt Erwin’s eyes on him and heard the occasional groan of approval, Erwin remained unmoving at his desk. 

Once, after a particularly heavy sigh and flip of his hair, Levi was able to draw Erwin’s attention. His voice was strained as he spoke. “You’re doing that on purpose.”

Levi looked up and narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“Your cravat…”

“Mmm…just getting more comfortable. Is it distracting you?” Levi rubbed his neck, meeting Erwin’s eyes. 

Erwin cleared his throat. “You know that it is…”

Levi chuckled softly, settled back into the chaise. “You want me to put it back on?”

“I would prefer it…”

“That’s too bad. I seem to have forgotten how to tie it. Suppose it will have to stay off for now…Now that I think about it, it has gotten stuffy in here, hasn’t it?” 

“Levi…” Erwin’s tone was warning but Levi ignored him, stood, began unbuckling the belts of his harnesses, sliding out of them, letting them fall to the floor.  His hands nimbly moved to the collar of his shirt, making his way slowly down the buttons, the whole time his eyes locked with Erwin’s. 

“Levi…”

“Don’t like it, come and stop me, old man.” He slipped out of his shirt, allowing it to fall to the floor as well. He sat to begin pulling off his boots. Erwin’s face twitched but he didn’t seem to be able to avert his eyes. 

“What has gotten into you tonight?”

“Not you, obviously.”

A stunned look passed over Erwin’s face, then a blush fell over his cheeks. “Levi…I can’t…Not tonight.”

“Whatever you say, Erwin.” He was completely naked, standing in front of Erwin. He watched the flush rise to Erwin’s cheeks, his heavy breathing, the white coloring his knuckles as he gripped the desk. It was working.  Good. Slowly, Levi turned around and fell back on the chaise on his stomach, his ass facing Erwin, his eyes again boring into the book that was now serving as nothing more than a diversion at this point. 

After a few silent, tense moments, he heard the chair move again, heard Erwin’s footsteps against the wood grain of the floor. His pace was laboriously slow, setting Levi’s teeth on edge. Finally, he felt that large calloused hand slide over his thigh, up his ass cheek, to settle on his hips. He let out a sigh under Erwin’s gentle touch. 

“What are you doing to me?” Erwin’s voice was quiet, longing and Levi smirked behind the pages of his book, his eyes unwavering from its pages. In this small battle, he was winning. 

He felt Erwin bend over him, felt his lips graze that tender spot where his ass and his thigh met, felt Erwin’s hands trail over the bruises that colored his thighs. “I don’t keep oil in my office…” 

“Breast pocket of my jacket…” Levi’s eyes never moved. Though he was feigning disinterest, his heart was tearing against his rib cage. He heard a soft chuckle escape Erwin’s lips, watched him bend to Levi’s discarded jacket that lay crumpled on the floor. 

“You knew exactly what you planned to do tonight, didn’t you?” Erwin was back on him then, whispering in his ear, his breath playing at the back of Levi’s neck, shoot goosebumps up on his skin. 

“Don’t know what you mean…” 

While Erwin’s lips trailed the sinewy muscles of Levi’s back, he began tugging at the belt of his own trousers, unbuttoning and unbuckling, hurriedly pulling them down. Levi could feel Erwin’s hard member slide against his back, down his ass, the friction burning on his skin, sending bolts of pleasure and agony through his writhing form. 

Erwin was taking his time undressing himself, watching Levi contort, desperately awaiting Erwin’s touch. “Fuck Erwin, hurry up,” he growled and Erwin only chuckled. After what seemed like centuries, Erwin’s hands finally trailed down his body, settled on his hips, gripped him firmly, holding him in place. He heard the pop of the cork as the only warning before his legs were forced open and a cold finger filled him. Levi gasped, moaned, writhed as Erwin hooked his finger inside of him. While his finger moved inside Levi, Erwin’s other hand slipped underneath Levi’s stomach, lifted him up to his knees, fondled his cock as Levi cried out. 

It occurred to Levi in that moment, how daring it all was, how dangerous. They had never fucked in Erwin’s office. But it felt good to have him here, to make a mark on this place above all other places – this place that so consumed Erwin in his waking moments. 

He was wrestled from his thoughts as another finger pushed itself inside him and a wave of pleasure consumed him. The continuous, repetitive motion of Erwin’s hand tugging at his member was blurring his vision, the desire building inside of him as the two fingers scissored back and forth in his opening. 

Finally, Erwin situated himself behind Levi, grasped at his hips, splayed his thighs while he lay kiss after kiss on the bare skin of Levi’s back. As Erwin slipped inside him, Levi felt filled, perfectly enveloped by pleasure, enraptured in this moment that meant so much. For the first time in what seemed like months, Erwin seemed fully engrossed, deeply invested, involved in this moment only and nowhere else. 

As he often started, Erwin’s thrusts were agonizingly slow, his hands gentle and delicate, almost toying with Levi’s skin. But Levi didn’t have the patience for it tonight. “Goddamnit Erwin. Fuck me,” he growled, his throat dry with his desperate lust. And Erwin complied, gripping his hips hard, so hard, Levi thought those fingers might leave bruises in their wake, but he didn’t care. Each forceful thrust filled him, took his breath away, sent shockwaves of pleasure and agony throughout his entire body. 

Erwin’s hand found Levi’s cock, resumed the repetitive pumping. “Erwin...stay with me…” Levi moaned and Erwin’s teeth grazed over the skin of his back. 

“I’m here...I love you...I love you…” 

Levi felt Erwin’s release inside him, heard the desperate whimper that escaped those lips. Hearing Erwin come was enough and Levi’s orgasm crashed over him, causing him to spill into Erwin’s hand. He fell back on the chaise, panting and sweating, blissful and glowing from his release. Erwin collapsed beside Levi, pulled him under his arm, his right arm draping over Levi’s hip, raising goosebumps with his fingertips. 

Levi wrapped one of his own arms around Erwin’s waist, feeling the tenseness in his stomach. “Now wasn’t that worth stepping away from your responsibilities for a moment?”

Erwin’s eyes closed, and he allowed his head to fall backward, resting on the back of the chaise. His breathing was still quickened but coming down to a steadier pace. He sighed contentedly. “Completely. You’re always right…”

“I know. So, what’s keeping you so preoccupied anyway?”

“We’ve been granted the funds for another titan capture mission.”

Levi’s eyes widened. He sat up, met Erwin’s eyes. “Another? I thought the brass was pissed at how quickly Hange killed the last two?”

Erwin chuckled. “It took a lot of convincing.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “You and your fancy fucking words…”

Erwin laid a kiss on the top of Levi’s head. “We’ll be departing in a week’s time. The documents I’ve been so preoccupied with are the detailed plans for the expedition. Zakley is requiring a step-by-step guidebook to what we intend to do during the mission, followed by a complete analysis of our experimentation and what we plan to do with the titans we capture. All in the name of supporting our funding.”

“That’s ridiculous. They’ve never asked that before.” 

“We’ve never been this successful before…I have a feeling we’re making the royal government nervous.”

Levi studied Erwin’s face. “Nervous? By protecting them?”

“They fear our knowledge. The deeper we dig, the more we uncover. And the more we uncover, the more powerful we become. They’re losing control of of the Survey Corps…and that terrifies them..”

“Then why fund another expedition?” 

“They can’t let us know that we’re a threat. Don’t you see how dangerous that makes us? If those in power lose control of the strongest, most elite branch of the government, how much longer will they  _ remain  _ in power?” Erwin was smiling, the look on his face a mixture of excitement and purpose. “As long as it seems that the government is supporting our actions, it gives them some semblance of control. But they don’t plan to make it too easy on us.”

“And you’re taking the brunt of it as always.” Levi growled.

Erwin shook his head. “That’s the life I chose.”

“And what happens to us if you drive yourself into an early grave? You’re exhausted, Erwin. How much longer can you go on like this?”

“I’m fine, Levi.” He cupped a hand under Levi’s chin and pressed his lips to Levi’s. “You worry too much.”

“And if you can barely sit your horse in a weeks’ time? How are you going to lead the expedition?” He paused, irritation and desperation mingling in his voice though he did his best to hide it. “Come to bed with me, Erwin. It’s one night and the paperwork can wait.”

Erwin studied him, his eyes watching his lips. “You’re almost as persistent as Hange.”

“Then stop denying me. It’ll be much easier on you, old man.”

Erwin laughed out loud. “Fine. But you’re helping me finish those in the morning.” He gestured to the paperwork piled on his desk.

Levi opened his mouth to protest but Erwin put a finger to his lips, interrupting him. “No arguing. Or no deal.”

Levi sighed, looking over at Erwin’s cluttered desk, the mountain of tedium awaiting him. But he would stomach it for Erwin. “Fine.”

Erwin placed a hand on either side of Levi’s head and brought Levi’s scalp to his lips. He whispered in his ear, “I love you,” then kissed his cheek. 

He stood, put out a hand and Levi took it. “Let’s go to bed, shall we?”

Levi slept soundly that night, with Erwin pressed up against him. It was the best sleep he had had in weeks. Erwin’s soft snores lulled him into a dreamless landscape of darkness and peace. And he had forgotten how much he missed waking up next to him, seeing his hair askew, the serenity settled over his handsome features. He could almost imagine what Erwin had looked like as a child when he slept, could see that boyish charm play on his sleeping features. That’s what he was, Levi realized…this man who so exuded power and charm, who was a force with whom to be reckoned, was truly just a young boy who had lost his father, who was continuously chasing a dream to which he would never be able to catch up to. That strange innocence made Levi love him all the more. 

The days leading up to the expedition, Hange was nearly bursting with excitement. “Two more titans! Can you believe it?” She had leapt onto Levi’s back, after trailing him down the hallway, singing out his name. “I’m sure Erwin told you before he told me! How did you keep it a secret?”

Lately, Levi had noticed that Moblit was almost always in tow, trailing behind Hange, watching her with curious, patient eyes. The man was a saint of the walls, Levi was sure. Anointed in another life for his tolerance and perseverance. He took the brunt of the pains caused by Hange’s clumsiness and exuberance. And he did so without complaint. Levi wondered if that was how  _ he  _ looked trailing behind Erwin and shuddered at the thought.

The day of the expedition was the same day as the graduation of the 104th recruiting class and several young soldiers joined the crowd to see the Scouts off through Trost. Erwin had suggested that bringing home the two titans without sustaining any casualties would only boost their recruitment and Levi didn’t doubt it. The way these particular recruits looked at them with wide eyes and slack jaws, was reassuring yet off-putting at the same time. How many of them looked to the Scouts as heroes, having never actually seen a titan themselves? The recruits called out his name and pointed, gawking like children and Levi rolled his eyes. He was incredibly glad to cross the threshold into Wall Maria, to be rid of their stares and cheers. 

The plan for the expedition took them into Wall Maria, where they were able to easily use the height of the dilapidated and decaying buildings as platforms to maneuver and avoid titan attacks. As Hange zeroed in on the titans she wanted to capture, Levi dispatched his squad to take out the remaining titans in the area. At first, everything seemed to be going smoothly. The titans were downing easily, and their appearances were dwindling amongst the buildings. The longer the Scouts stayed within titan territory, the fewer titans they encountered…which seemed suspicious. Titans were often attracted to large numbers of humans. But for some reason, they seemed to be drawn to something else entirely.  

“Captain!” Franz called out to him as he flew through the air, his blond hair flowing behind him, blades in hand. He wasn’t paying attention. Levi’s breath caught in his throat. He saw it before it happened. “The titans are - !”

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence as he was snatched out of the air feet first by the ugly mouth of a nearby titan. 

“Franz!” Petra screamed.

“Pay attention, Petra!” Levi snapped. “I’ll handle it!”

But it was too late, that moment serving as a grim reminder that even an instant of letting one’s guard down in titan territory was enough to end a life. That they were all mortal, all human, all definitively destined for death, overpowered by the titans. And by the time Levi and his team had downed the titans surrounding the area, the hemorrhaging of the wounds to Franz’s stomach had colored the front of his shirt a deep crimson red and his eyes had began glazing back, his breathing becoming shallow. 

Franz was the first member of Squad Levi to be claimed by the titans. As Petra sobbed silently beside his immobile form, Levi felt numb. In his last moments, Franz had begged Levi to tell him he had been useful to the cause, that he was not going to die having not been of worth. And Levi had grasped his blood-stained hand, allowed the hot red liquid to flow over his own skin. He told Franz that his sacrifice would serve as purpose for the fight, that Franz’s death would give Levi strength. And through his detachment, Levi slowly felt the weight of Franz’s end seeping into his bones. 

“Captain…he’s gone…” Petra whispered. 

Levi blinked. “Do you think he heard me until the end?”

A tear fell from Petra’s face. “Look at how peaceful he is in death…you did that for him, Captain.”

Levi met Petra’s eyes meaningfully. Was she asking him to do the same for her, when she met her inevitable end? He couldn’t stomach the thought.

“Levi!” Erwin’s voice and the approaching of horse hooves snapped Levi out of the moment, and he whirled around on the spot. Erwin approached on horseback, his eyes wide, his face flushed. 

“Call your men back. We’re retreating.” His voice was stern, laced with something else…fear? That emotion seemed so unlike Erwin outside the walls. Levi narrowed his eyes in a bitter glare.

“We haven’t advanced as far as we can go. Are you telling me my men died in vain to get to this point?” Levi growled.

Breathlessly, Erwin said his next words and a chill ran down Levi’s spine. “The titans are advancing north as a group. It’s a repeat of five years ago.”

And Levi knew. Knew as soon as he heard it escape from Erwin’s lips. There had been a reason the titans had been appearing only sporadically, a reason Franz had been distracted mid-flight. 

“They’re headed towards Trost…” There was a quake in Erwin’s voice. “We have to go back. Levi, get your horse and round up your squad.”

Levi nodded and turned to Petra, who stood rooted to the spot, gold eyes wide in terror. “Captain…what does this mean?”

“It means we don’t have time to ask questions. We’re moving out. Let’s go.”

The two-hour ride back to the gates of Trost had Levi panting, sweating and shaking at Erwin’s side. The fear in the eyes of his squad and in the eyes of the scouts around him washed over him like a flood. It has happening again…was it really happening again? A desperate glance to Erwin left him with no new information. What was he thinking? Where was he in this moment?

As they approached the gate…or what was left of the gate, Levi’s breath caught in his throat. A hole the size of the one in Wall Maria had been blown through the entrance to Trost district. And in its place, a large boulder was blocking access in or out. As if it had been placed there to strategically keep the titans from entering and invading. But what could have possibly done that? How could the military have achieved such a victory? That boulder was too huge, too heavy, to have been moved by any conceivable amount of human force. 

There was no way for the horses to enter Trost district so Levi looked to Erwin before shooting his hooks up the wall and sailing to the top with a nimble speed. 

But what he saw on the other side of the wall, gave him pause. “What the hell…”

A young soldier…merged with a titan…tendons and veins holding his body taught, as his waist protruded from the titan’s nape. Another recruit with long blonde hair was attempting to separate the soldier from the titan body, tugging and cutting, gasping out the soldier’s name. “Come on, Eren! Eren! Wake up!”

A girl with black hair, also wearing the uniform of the Cadet Corps was speeding towards the two soldiers, a look of pure determination on her features. And all around them, titans were closing in, hasty hands reaching out, moving closer. 

Levi didn’t hesitate. He dove down and tore through the napes of all the titans surrounding the strange trio before landing lithely atop the steaming titan carcass to which the boy called Eren was somehow still attached. “Hey, you brats,” he called out. “What the hell happened here?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of big aspirations for the next part. Hopefully I can live up to them :)
> 
> I hope you liked Part Two. I had my own ups and downs with it but all in all, I'm happy. It served to get these two locked in together and solidified their relationship so for that, I cannot be anything but content. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, subscribing, kudos-ing and commenting! Can't wait for Season 3 and continuing you hang out with you guys in Dangerous Games :)
> 
> Much love!

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this Chapter seems a bit short. It just seemed to come to a natural end so I let the Chapter do what the Chapter did and end where it wanted to. 
> 
> Kenny is going to have a big presence in this fic. I think it makes sense that he would be in the back of Levi's mind at all times. He made him who he is...and I'm sure that affects the relationships he develops. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! It feels weird to start over in a way. I hope you like! Much Love!


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